Artyom

Hello everyone, my name is Samuel. I am 22 years old. I currently work full time as an EMT at a local Fire Dept. I have come here mainly seeking advice for my life and friendship. Thanks

Thanks to all of you for you kind words. I did in fact feel like I was past the point where I could be forgiven, but after reading all your replies and that talk I feel a bit more comfortable. Now, I certainly don't know why it is that I actually want to go back. Yes in fact I never had a testimony and I still don't to be honest. I have never actually read the scriptures completely either. I know some of you will suggest to do so, but we'll see what happens. Like some suggested, I don't really know what the feelings inside of me are... Might be just stress from work building up... who knows Another thing, if it's relevant at all, is that for the past 4 (almost 5) years I have had no contact whatsoever with my family. They have actually tried to contact me in the past (phone calls, letters, emails, card, visits, etc.) but I never answered them or replied to them. The only actual contact I've have was about 2 weeks ago when my brother came to the fire station I work at in a tour with his class from high school. Other than that I've haven't seen them ever since. And I don't see myself forgiving them, even though we are taught to do so, but I just don't see myself doing so after they almost ruined my life completely. Yes life has been very hard for me. After leaving my parent's house I struggled to get along. Every day was like a new test. There was points where I even thought I had had enough and just wanted to die, but something wouldn't let me... And I am thankful for that... Anyways, back to the main subject... If I ever do come visit church ever again, I'd probably do it to a ward where no one knows who I am. I just feel ashamed to return to mine and for everyone to see what has become of me.

Well where can I start. I was born and raised in the church. To be honest I never liked going. I would see everyone else happy to be there and eager to attend all the activities but I just felt like I didn't belong there and that I wanted to leave and never come back. My parents were really into it and they always forced me to attend all the activities (mutual, seminary, young men's activities) I of course never actually wanted to go, but didn't have much of a choice. Well anyways when I was 18 the whole mission thing started to come about. My mom started getting excited and even went as far as to tell everyone she met on the street about it. I one day snapped at here at yelled that I didn't want to go on a mission or ever have anything to do with church ever again. Well to make a long story short, my parents kicked me out of the house and said that I was a huge disappointed to the, and that they never wanted to see me again. This really messed me up. I started drinking and smoking and hanging out with weird people, never did anything illegal or any drugs, but I didn't ever do anything good either. Thankfully I never left school and I have a job thanks to that, but recently I have been feeling like I really miss the church. Like it's something I don't have anymore and I really need. It's a really funny feeling coming from someone who never wanted to be there in the first place. Problem is I feel like it will be very hard to return. I have done lots of things, and before I left home I had other things like problems with masturbation, and watching porn every once in a while, and now with all the new stuff, I feel really ashamed to return. Amongst some of the things I have also gotten a couple of tattoos... So yeah, I am seeking advice... So please, just share your thoughts with me and tell me what you think I should do... Thanks