just_girl

So much has happened I'm not even sure where to begin. And since I dont know if anyone will actually read this, well, I dont know what to say... What I do know, though, is that even though the boyfriend changed his mind AGAIN and this time said he thought I needed to not be going to church at all right now and to just hold tight until we are closer in proximity and he can be involved... even though that is what he said, I went again today, anyway. And yesterday I went to a fireside that was simply amazing (as in, hearing Stephanie Nielson speak, amazing!) even though, again, he told me that I shouldn't go. What else has he said? Dont talk to the missionaries (yeah, haven't stopped talking to them and I certainly don't plan on it) and don't talk to anyone else about church. Sighs. Not good, right? So after yesterday and today I am completely sure that this is the path I am supposed to be on. So much so that I tried to call the boyfriend and have a conversation with him about ending our relationship. Yes, surprising, I know, but it is what it is. It has been years since I have felt such a sure tugging in my spirit and I'm not sure I have EVER felt it this strongly. Giving up this relationship means giving up so many plans that have been made for the future already. I'm not sure what will come now and I have no idea how I will make it, but I am sure that if I continue walking in the way I am supposed to, it will all work out. Do you remember the BoM video cartoons, Living Scriptures? The one about Nephi had a song in it entitled, 'I will go and do what the Lord hath commanded"... the second line of that song says 'No matter what others may say"... This song was one of my absolute favorites growing up and for some reason it came back to me when I started thinking about attending the local ward... I never knew the words would speak to me in the way they are today, though. Sighs... enough for now... especially since no one will probably read this or respond....

Thank you so much. I'm really trying, even though the more I talk about what I'm feeling, the more the boyfriend is wanting me to back off and just wait until we are together so we can do this together. It just is solidifying to me what needs to happen.

So I really did some praying last night and as I realized that every time I have tried to make a stand for a relationship with God, there has been something come into the path in the form of an earthly relationship that has kept me from making the commitment I need to make. ALWAYS. And to this point, I have always picked being involved with an earthly man over being sold out for my Heavenly Father. I'm not wanting to make that choice this time. I know what I need to do and just ask that anyone that reads this will lift me up in prayer, that I may have the strength to be who I was created to be... and that I may overcome this constant problem in my life.

Thanks... In all honesty, I think I'm seeing the writing on the wall, I'm just not wanting to admit to it because were it not for him, I never would have decided to begin investigating in earnest anyway... Now that I'm here, I'm feeling even more drawn and it is not simply because of the relationship that I'm in - it is bigger than that. Sighs... Thanks for your thoughts, though... I really do appreciate it.

I'm not sure why he decided this... yes, it is the same boyfriend I had posted about previously... I guess I'll figure it out... I realize this isn't about HIM at this point, it is my decision, I just wish he was as enthusiastic as I am about this new journey.

To say that my family members will oppose this is putting it lightly... Since they are involved in major leadership roles in the CofC it will probably cause some friction, to say the least. And now, well, apparently the boyfriend wants me to step back and simply go to church for now. Not sure the reasoning, but when I talked to him after meeting with the missionaries he said that maybe I should just go to church and not do anything else for a time... Is it wrong that I feel differently? That I want to move full steam ahead? I'm one of those people, though, that once I get an idea, I push through to the point of exhaustion... I tend to be very single-minded and ultra focused... but if something squashes my enthusiasm, sometimes it is hard to pick back up.... It was certainly like having the wind taken out of my sails a bit when he said that. Gr... of all people, I didn't expect HIM to react that way.

Thanks for the response, ztodd... The meeting went well... we met at my house for a couple of hours and then I took them to lunch... just got back, actually, and I'm getting more and more excited as time goes on. Who knows what will happen... Just wanted to thank you for saying something... hopefully I can post more as time goes on... I'm sure I will have questions but they were really great today about answering anything I asked.

So, I haven't been on here in months, but wanted to let someone know that I've started becoming much more serious about investigating and seeing where things land. I attended the local ward on Sunday and, though I wasn't planning on staying, ended up not only staying through Sunday School (I was talking with the missionary sisters during this) and then Relief Society, but I was there about an hour after all of that was over just talking with some of the ladies. Tomorrow morning (Tuesday) the missionary sisters are coming over to do some more talking. I'm not really sure what will happen or where things will end up, as I've spent time in quite a few different religions (mainly the Community of Christ - RLDS - where I was raised and actually ordained when I was 17) and have come to a point where I realize I am quite hardened and not as open to spiritual things as I once was. I'm quite fearful of this journey and yet, after being there on Sunday, I'm quite anxious and excited as well. It is strange, to say the least. Anyway, even though when I last posted I wasn't taken to quite keenly, I figured I would let 'someone' know that this is happening... can't really talk that much about what is happening with my family because of how involved in the CofC they are. Thanks for listening!

Wow, not a single response... so much for this being a helpful site... That's okay - figured out even more about him today and am totally confused as to what to do now. No one cares, though, so I wont go into details... maybe i can just delete this whole line of talk... no sense in leaving it out there for no reason.... Ugh... so... very.... frustrated....

Thanks so much for the replies everyone... I understand the concerns you all are expressing and, while I'm sure things will be okay, I just need to figure out what is going on. The longer we are together, the longer I realize he is not a 'typical' Mormon in any regard. I wonder if perhaps forgetting the entire conversion process is what is best for now and just figure out our relationship quirks. I'm sorry I can't go into more detail - there is SOOOOOOOOO much more to the story, but I just don't feel like I can give many more details without completely corrupting everyone and being banned from the site because of how things are. In short, I'm probably no closer to converting now than I was when this thread started - if anything, I'm further away. Is it so bad that I want the eternal family, but if being with him means that doesn't happen, then I'm okay with that? Sighs... I suppose I'm picking him, in a way, over Heavenly Father - which doesn't sound good at all. Ugh. This is all so incredibly confusing!! But honestly, thanks so much for all the advice. You are all completely right about some things, I just need to figure out what direction this whole thing is going to go. I really wish I had a good friend that was Mormon and that I trusted and could get some sound advice from without judgement, but I guess that is too much to ask for, right? :)

Just me again... So the conversations about church have really ceased in our relationship. I'm not exactly sure what I'm going to do. I know he has some church issues to deal with (I mentioned that vaguely already, but... well... they are fairly major, too, I think).... I did pin him down and found out that part of the reason he wants me to hold back is because he would love to be the one that baptizes me, and that he wouldn't feel right doing that right now knowing the things he is dealing with in regards to the church. It just wouldn't be right, he says. I know i'm being horridly vague. I honestly am just not sure what to do. Yes, he is very controlling, but it isn't something that bothers me at all. Would i be so interested in actively converting and whatnot if I wasn't involved with him - probably not. There is something about the possibility of spending eternity with the one you love that is too enticing to not consider a possibility. Maybe i'm just admitting that my motivations aren't completely pure, I dont know. Please don't hate me! I'm just trying to figure all of this out.

Thank you so much everyone for your replies. It seems as though I have some thinking to do. My main question was to know if this was normal behavior or not and it seems as though it is not. Sighs. I'm currently in an area where I can only access from my phone and cannot give a more detailed reply... I'm sorry. I will be pondering your opinions over the next few days and will certainly be responding more in-depth when I return back to a civilized world. Thanks again! Any further opinions would be greatly appreciated. I feel kind of alone in this dilemma.

Thanks for the replies everyone... i guess i don't really see this as a 'red flag', so to speak, but more as just a frustration. i know that he has reasons for wanting me to wait - not wanting me to rush into things and such, but... i dont know. i guess i thought that, when i brought up the idea of converting, he would be completely gung-ho and want me to go for it, rather than asking me to wait until we are together (which probably won't be until after we are married).... i know that he has some church issues that need to be taken care of and think that perhaps that is why he wants me to wait, i'm not sure... i just know that i want, more than anything, to start the entire process. Who's to say that i wont get part way in and realize this really ISN'T what i'm supposed to do? Then what? What if we are already married - then we have a whole seperate basket of issues to deal with. i'm sorry to keep going 'round and 'round. There's just not anyone else that i can really talk to about this... Having grown up in the Community of Christ (RLDS) church, most of my friends and family are staunchly against my even CONSIDERING converting... sighs... Maybe i should just be patient and wait until we are together. i mean, as a woman, shouldn't i be willing to allow him to take the lead in spiritual matters that will effect our family? This is all so confusing to me!!! UGH!!! Sorry!!

Okay, so the BF and i have quite the LDR - he's in Utah and i'm in Illinois. He's a member, i'm not. i'm completely interested in converting, but the BF wants me to wait and go through the process with him. This is frustrating to me! When i'm curious about things, i want to dive head-long into them... i have been around long enough to know that i'm interested in the possibility of converting, but having to wait is just making me frustrated about everything! He doesn't want me asking for the missionaries to contact me or going to the local ward (it is 20 miles away, but ...)... He wants to be completely in on the entire process and share the experience with me. While i'm thankful for his interest, i simply want to get things moving... Furthermore - with the whole not going to the ward, thing... he's taking me to my first Sacrament Meeting in January - but it won't be at the ward closest to me... we are staying in the city that weekend and it will be to one of those wards. This stresses me out because if I do end up going to the local ward, i won't recognize anyone and, well, since i'm not probably ever going to be back at the ward in the city, what's the point of going? (Aside, i know, of letting me experience what it is like to attend service on Sunday... and that is a lot, but it wont be like i'm going somewhere i could potentially attend regularly...) Sighs... is this normal? Do SO's usually want to be part of the whole process? i'm not sure what he thinks he would get out of seeing me go through the lessons, though i'm sure someone can find a new understanding or something every time they are presented with the information... i'm just frustrated. We have a great, communicative relationship and are extremely open with one another, but this one area just keeps coming up in the back of my mind and i dont understand it. i'm sure there will be more questions as time goes along... and more excitement, too, as his late January visit lumes even closer... but for now, i can't get this out of my mind.

Thanks for the advice... The BF won't let me go to a ward until i go with him, and even then it wont be the ward closest to where i am so if i do ever go, i'll not know anyone at all. i guess i should just sit patiently and wait until after we get married and then we can go together all the time...

Glad to know you are friendly!! I'd hate to think that someone on here wasn't... that wouldn't make for a good experience at all!! Roseslipper - I guess what you had to say makes sense. It is just hard to see something you want in front of you and not be able to pursue it...

Just curious as to why you thought it important to let me know that... :) Thanks for the information, though, as i'm sure it will be a help to me in the future!!

So what would it take for you to be convinced? That is a curious thought to me... as someone who is constantly trying to seek the will and purpose of God, i think i take a fairly proactive stance when it comes to my faith. LDSVALLEY: Thank you so much for your response and council - I want very deseperately to begin the lessons with the missionaries, but the BF is wanting me to wait. Our timing is pretty up in the air right now and he really feels as though waiting to do the lessons is what would be best for our relationship. There are some other factors playing into things, but... we both realize we will have a civil ceremony first and have to wait a time until we are sealed. We have agreed that the path is an okay one, as we are committed to one another, but it is a bit frustrating when i want so desperately to move forward when it comes to issues of religion. In the same regard, though, i want to respect him as the head of this relationship and trust in his vision of what is going to happen... The ward we are planning on visiting in January when he is here for a visit is not the ward that is closest to where i live (it is in the city and i live about an hour and a half outside of the city) and that concerns me... i understand that it will give me a feeling for what Sacrament Meeting is, but the people i meet will simply have no effect on my walk with Heavenly Father in the future. It kinda seems like a 'what's the point' experience, but, again, i'm trying to trust in what the BF thinks is best - i'm completely new to everything LDS for the most part and he's been around for quite a while and actually used to work for the church... *shrugs* i've probably said way too much for an introductory thread... and if so, i'm sorry - just replying to something that was said! :)

Yes... He's currently in Utah and I'm in Illinois - we are planning to wed this summer and move somewhere completely new - perhaps Seattle... Distance is sure not a fun issue to deal with, let me tell ya!! :) I'm quite anxious to get things going now when it comes to converting, but he wants me to be patient... I have ancestors that were LDS and i grew up RLDS (or Community of Christ) so it isn't like I've never been introduced to some of the aspects of being LDS... I guess time will tell...

Just wanted to say hello from the land of Illinois... i'm currently in a relationship with someone who is LDS and have been thinking about converting... i came around to get some of my questions answered (i feel like i bombard the bf with questions too often, though he never seems to mind)... The bf wants to take me to my first church service himself, and we just haven't had time to coordinate our schedules to make it happen yet. He's also wanting me to wait to go through talking with the missionaries or anyone else until we are living in the same area so we can do everything together... Me? i'm much more anxious and wanting to get started... Holding back just isn't part of my personality usually... Anyway - there's a bit about me... hopefully i figure this out and become more vocal. Thanks! me