Caleb32

Thanks dash77

Many of you may have heard that only 6 percent of Mormons who marry in a temple ceremony subsequently go through a temple divorce. However, this often quoted statistic is misleading for the following two reasons. First, most temple married Mormons divorce through a civil ceremony to avoid the rather complex temple cancellation procedures. Second, some Mormons marry in a temple ceremony, divorce in a civil procedure and subsequently remarry in a second temple ceremony—thus reducing the apparent divorce rate. Overall, the Mormon divorce rate appears to be no different from the average American divorce rate of approximately 25 percent. Although Mormons marrying inside their faith are much less likely to become divorced, Mormons who marry outside their religion are second only to Jews in divorce—with a divorce rate of 40 percent. One might speculate that the religious and cultural differences between Mormons and non-Mormons are so great that the chances of a successful marriage are much reduced. So, when I visit my local ward, shouldn’t I expect to see roughly 20 to 25 percent of the active members amongst the divorce population? In reality, nobody out of the hundreds who attend every Sunday is divorced. In fact, I would say that over 95 percent of the active church goers are married in my local ward in Texas. Do divorced LDS men and women feel welcome or like they belong? If not, shouldn’t we ask ourselves why or what can be done? As far as my concerns, they are not simplistic in nature. They deal with things I’ve done significant research into and pondered about, and discussed with many people over many years. I’ve tried discussing them with Church leaders, home teachers, and the like. I’m very familiar with all the standard answers and the not so standard ones you will find from Mormon apologist or scholars. What I’ve found lacking in all of my many conversations with LDS members is true friendship. People who are willing to really listen to what I have to say without pre-judging or becoming defensive. Originally, I thought I could share my sincere feelings and concerns with my spouse, but that only ended in divorce and sadness—as she could not handle being married to someone who was not the stalwart member she thought that she originally married. True friends love you despite your weaknesses (especially when your desire is to overcome them). I actually disagree with FunkyTown. Forming deep connections with people can occur very quickly. It has happened several times in my life. Recently, I read I book about the science of forming instant connections called “Click”. It was very intriguing. Anyway, I don’t know why I am even writing this on this board, it only seems that MormonMusic understood what I’ve been trying to say.

The whole purpose I would like to connect with one or several members in the Church is that I have some deep seeded issues with the Church. I’ve tried to talk to some members (such as the Bishop) about my concerns, but found they had a lack of understanding, empathy, and often times jumped to conclusions or just took offense. True friends that you connect with don’t do that. With true friends, they know when their friends open up to them that they are being sincere. I have some really good friendships, but all of them are with non-members. With me, these connections always began with engaging in activities of common interests—spending the weekend with a buddy on a fishing trip, spending the afternoon on the golf course, or during a weekend hockey or softball tournament. Unfortunately, in my experience, there are more people like captmoroniRM in the church than those like mrmarklin and mormonmusic. I actually laughed really hard when I read captmoroniRM post. Only in the LDS Church would someone tell someone they know very little about that their problem is that they are not reading their scriptures or praying enough—regardless of the concern they voice. I know that was the default answer to every primary question, but come on. On the other hand, I really appreciated mormonmusic’s advice.

I am divorced, less active, and 34. My faith in God is shaky at best, but I would like to come back to Church, but don’t feel like I fit in anywhere. Although I have lost my faith, I have still managed to hold fast to a code of high ethics and morals. I have a desire to rekindle my faith, but realize it is difficult to do alone. I am very fit and active and love competitive or adventurous activities. I am well traveled, very successful in my career, and active in my community. By most standards, I am admired, respected and valued. It is very different, however, in the LDS culture. Overall, I just don’t fit into any ward. Don’t get me wrong, I am not looking to date, I am just looking for friends I can relate to, have fun with, and bond. Through forming relationships with people I trust and relate to, I hope to resolve certain concerns I have with the LDS religion I was once a part of. I can’t really fault anyone for trying; several LDS people have attempted to befriend me and to relate to me to no avail. Let’s face it, a married man my age with several kids just doesn’t have the time ot enjoy the same recreational activities I like. For example, I play hockey, softball, tennis, ski, fish, kayak, and compete in triathlons. I would like to participate in activities in my ward, but they are all geared for families. Perhaps I would be able to connect better with people in the singles ward, but there is an age limit of 31. Almost all of my true friends are non-LDS and many of them are younger than me due to the activities I engage in. Because I am in better shape and have a youthfull appearance I am often mistaken for being younger than many of my friends in their mid 20s. Therefore, age is never an issue. I suppose I don’t get the whole age limit thing for the singles ward here. As a result, I’ve started going to a Presbyterian Church my buddy invited me too. There are actually loads of people similar to myself there, and I feel welcome and respected every time I interact with the members of this Church. I’d like to reconnect with my LDS roots, but feel like there in no place in the LDS Church for someone in my demographic. What are your thoughts?