OK, so I have been a member of the church for 20 years. Of that 20 I am only been active for about 5 years. I was an exceptional example of a Mormon when I was active. I had a strong testimony and never had any struggles with sin or temptation. I loved church and attended all the functions. I felt like I belonged and was love and appreciated. All was right in my world.
Then I hit a spot in my life where I felt that God abandoned me. I felt alone and isolated from his love and protection. I became a drug addict and was very promiscuous. I left the church and all those in it. I smoked and drank heavily. Got married at a young age, then got divorced a few years later. I have a lot of tattoos and some are not really what I'd call appropriate. I no longer have any of those habits. I have repented privately and know that Heavenly Father forgives me.
I wanted to go back so many times. I really did. I even tried a few times with no success. I feel tarnished and unworthy. I know that God loves me and I still believe in the church and the doctrine. But I am embarrassed. I feel terrible shame when I go to church. Like I abandoned my faith.
I am married now and have 5 children. While I am not perfect I strive to be a humble and devoted saint. I desperately want to go back to the church but just don't feel worthy. I feel like I am failing my children by not having them in the church. I just don't know what to do....
