In 2009 I cheated on my husband. During that time, I did feel like I was falling out of love with him and told him that. I since gone to the bishop, per his request and finished that repentance process. Now I still find myself with very strong emotions toward the person I had this affair with. I thought time would help me get over him that it was just a phase I was going through. I still find myself thinking about him daily. I've prayed I'd get over this and realize what a great man I have right in front of me, but I still am struggling with that. He is a great dad and really is a great husband. I just don't know if love can be forced anymore. I do love my husband, but it's not the same anymore. It's almost more of a love of a best friend, somebody who I admire and respect. I don't know how else to explain it. I am really upset that I see this great person in front of me, but emotionally am not as connected as I should be to him. I still find myself thinking about this other person daily.
I know is it is rotten of me and I know how horrible this situation is and how unfair it is to my husband. I've prayed and wanted to keep this family together, but now am questioning if by pretending everything is ok, if it is really fair to my husband. I've thought long and hard about this and if the situation was reversed, I think I would want my husband to tell me that he has feelings for somebody else rather than go through this marriage and living somewhat of a lie. I know how deeply I'd be hurt, but with time, we heal. I really wouldn't want him to stay with me if he felt like he wanted somebody else. I just need advice as to the best thing to do.
We do have three kids with age ranging from 6 to 15. Do I just keep pretending things are fine to keep this family intact or do I tell my husband the truth so that he could find somebody that can love him and give him the love that he derserves?
Like I said, I've gone through the repentance process, but even going through that doesn't make me stop having the feelings I have for this other person. I wish it would because then I wouldn't be here asking for advice, but I just am not sure what to do anymore. Honestly my husband has always been more church oriented than I am from the start. I stay involved for the kids. The reason I ask my question here is because of his strong beliefs. I'm really struggling now and like many other people, I never thought I'd be here asking for advice for this type of situation, but don't know what else to do. On all outward appearances, everything seems fine. Nobody suspects anything, but on the inside for me, I feel like I'm just going through the actions of trying to keep things together, but emotionally have become disconnected. I keep pretending for the family sake or should I be honest and possibly break up this marriage? For me, I'd want to know, but I just don't know if that is the best idea. Please help. My husband always told me especially when I had the affair that he wants honesty. Right now I feel like that I'm not giving him that. He deserves somebody great. He has so much love and I want him to be able to find somebody that can give him that same amount of love in return. He deserves that. I hate that I'm asking for advice on this type of situation. I just don't know where else to turn anymore. Would you want to know if your spouse was feeling this way or would you rather have him/her pretend everything is ok for the family? For me I feel like if I knew sooner and that if my spouse told me earlier, I'd be better off than finding out later because I would of had the chance to move on with my life. I don't know if that's the right idea though. If keeping the family together is more important then I probably won't tell him to avoid the pain it would cause him. I'm just going around in circles and rambling. I'm just at a lost. Please help.
