jenom

CTR I am interested in your group if you are still having it.

I am going through the same thing. I have always been a content person but I feel this bitterness and fear sucking out my goodness and the generally happy person that I try to be. I had the worst day today. I hate that there is so much fear. I met him to pick something up from him at lunch today and he was eating next door to a massage parlor. I go to the women's meetings as well and I think they are so great. I am working in my book to try to declutter my life and come to a place where I can trust the spirit because there is so much anxiety coloring everything. I love my husband. I know that he is trying but it is so hard knowing that he was with those women in the massage parlors. It is hard to feel safe when there was no lead up to the craziness that he has thrown into our lives. He too fulfilled his callings, had a job where he trained his employees to live with integrity and to listen to the spirit/sense to do the right thing in everything you do. It is so hard to trust and to function. I hate how much I have let this experience get the better of me. I feel so strange standing by him. We fight all the time. I love him so much though. Thanks for posting this. I want to get to a place where I feel peace and I want to forgive. It is so hard to trust... I have never experienced such intense emotion for such a long time. It is so unbelievably draining. I want to either recognize myself again or see that I have emerged as a much better version, but can I please skip this pain part?