AnaMarzen

Haha! Well I hope I don't smell like fish! She's just saying that I smell sweaty. Which makes sense, I guess. I mean, I'm almost 500 lbs for Pete's sake! I sweat pretty constantly... :/

...I'm just finding out now that I have a weird smell to me... lol I don't smell strange... I don't think... But that's what my sister is saying. Jeeze...

Yeah, things aren't great for me right now. But that's okay. So here's what I have ahead of me today: Not going to be easy, considering I get light-headed every time I bend over! lol But my mom and my sisters are going to help. I just hope they keep the judgment to a minimum. My sisters have been joking about it a little, which makes me uncomfortable. But I need the help. And I made sure to empty out all of my fast food wrappers out of the trash can! lol

Thank you Nadia! Yes, I know my life is a mess and it reflects in my health. Just today, I didn't wake up until 1:30 and I went straight to the Wendy's drive through. BAD! lol Other than that, I've been sitting on the couch all day and eating leftover cake. But I can feel that I'm ready for a change. I don't want anymore lectures from my sister! It sucks to be disappointing her. I can tell that my lifestyle and size worry her and my family. Other than that, my apartment is a mess. My family is actually coming over today to help clean it out. My mother made some off-hand comment about the smell yesterday and it nearly broke my heart. But anyway... Thank you for all of your advice, everyone. It means a lot. :)

Thank you!!!

I messaged you!

Well thank you.

Point taken! I've been the butt of many jokes throughout my life, and I must say that it discourages me from going out most of the time. I am kind of funny in appearance, and I know that. I'm an easy target for the fat jokes and the stares. Thanks for all the replies and advice people!

Thank you for the kind words. :) And yes, I definitely need someone to keep me accountable! lol I fall back into terrible habits, very easily. I know my sister is going to start walking with me and that will help a great deal. As far as the mental and physical part, it's funny... my mind doesn't feel too sharp, ya know? I just feel a little... slow, for lack of a better word. lol So I'm sure that once I start eating fresh food and I get moving, my mind will perk up too. :)

Wa wa waaaaaaaa.... LOL!

Ah, I see. Sounds like a fascinating read though. And it's okay, I have thick skin (literally and figuratively LOL!)

It's funny how that works, huh? I can see now that I am 100% addicted to fast food, soda and high fructose corn syrup. The stuff is seen as "gross" to most people but I swear, it's like crack to me! lol

Aw come on! Maybe I can kill him with kindness.

Very true, Anne. I need to deal with this now. I'd hate to be bed-ridden in 10 years from now.

She thinks that it would be too difficult for me, at my current size, which I agree with. Plus, can you imagine what Jillian would do to me? lol She'd tear me apart!

Very true. I was also seriously considering trying out for The Biggest Loser. But my sister has advised me against that. lol

Oh, and as you can see in the pictures, I'm still in my pajamas. lol It was 2pm! I feel like that's the worst part! lol Another thought - I sleep 10 - 12 hours a day and when I'm not asleep I stuff myself with fast food and sugary snacks. I'm very depressed - I'm just realizing this - slow form of suicide? Could be...

You're so kind, Vort. I can tell we're going to be friends. :) To be honest, I can't remember the last time I was truly "hungry". I eat almost constantly and in excessive amounts. I can remember once eating an entire birthday cake and getting someone else's name written on it so the baker wouldn't know that I was going to eat the whole thing by myself. I went home and ate the whole thing. But I really need to read this book! lol

Thank you Bini! That sounds very useful!

Very true. I think my therapist and I are working towards that. I consume way too much fast food though. I know that much. McDonald's has been a crutch for 3-4 days a week and I'm sick of killing myself with that stuff.

Thank you Anne! Oh wow, diet soda is a big vice of mine! I go through 3 or 4 Diet Cokes in a day. And it's hard for me to drink any other sodas due to my high blood sugar. I may eventually delete the photos, but right now they're helping to motivate me a bit. I just can't believe that I look that big! Underneath all of that, I look like my sister Liz. Hard to believe!

Thank you Dravin. :) Yeah, my problem is that I've been going hog wild for quite a few years now. lol That, combined with the fact that I usually sleep the day away. I'm done with that though! And here are the pictures. So embarrassing! lol I never want to see this girl ever again! I was trying to say "stop!" and I'm laughing a bit in the one picture. (not so funny now!) http://www.lds.net/forums/picture.php?albumid=17&pictureid=99 http://www.lds.net/forums/picture.php?albumid=17&pictureid=98 Oh, and here's my sister Lizzy, right after her talk with me! She seems overwhelmed! lol http://www.lds.net/forums/picture.php?albumid=17&pictureid=100

Thank you for the kind words. :) I haven't had much to be happy about lately. I know that I'm depressed and I'm getting help for that. I just need to focus on my weight now.

Thank you Vort! I'll check that out! I know that being obese isn't a failing in itself but I know that I got here by overeating and sitting on my butt all day. So I know how to correct it but I'm just to a size now, that it's difficult to do some things, believe it or not. Walking is not the easiest thing at this size but I can do it in short bursts. I guess you have to start somewhere, right?

Sorry if I was kind of vague! Yes, I guess I was looking for good ways to help me get moving and motivate me. And the depression part, very very true. I've been seeing a psychiatrist for a few months now. Severe depression.