Hello, I'm 15 and I've been looking at pornography for about 4 years now, and about 2 years ago I discovered masturbation. At first it was just looking at naked pictures on and off for a few months at a time, but since I started masturbating I have been watching full on sex videos a few times a week and masturbating afterwards. I really want to be clean again but could never bring myself to tell anybody. I have been clean for a week now and am planning on making an appointment with my bishop tomorrow, but I'm scared. Here's why:
There are only 5 or 6 young men in my ward and I have always been the one that comes early every week to set up the sacrament, does my duty to god and scouting, and goes to seminary everyday. I'm the quiet, respectful one that can get things done. I love the church and I always love seminary and feel the spirit daily when I'm there. I read my scriptures pretty much everyday but I have been struggling with personal prayer. I have gone on every youth temple trip and passed the sacrament unworthily since I turned 12.
The other reason is my parents. My mom still won't let me get a smartphone because She thinks I'll use it to look at porn. It took a lot of convincing for her to let me get an iPod touch. I've lied to her for years saying I don't look at porn, that I know how to control myself, and she still worries. Will I have to tell my parents? What will they do when I tell her I have been watching porn? I have an iPod touch and my own personal desktop computer, and I can't live without them(I make money as a freelance web designer and investing in the stock market, both of which require a computer)
I have been tempted like crazy this week but I've stayed strong since last Friday(8 days ago). Here are my questions:
How do I tell the bishop what I've done once we're in his office?
How long will I have to stop passing the sacrament?
Will I have to tell my parents?
How do I tell my parents?
What will they do?
What do I say when people ask why I'm not passing(or taking) the sacrament?
Sorry I have so many questions I'm just nervous. I realize I'm still worth a lot and that God still loves me, and I'm willing to suffer a little, I just need some help because I already have trouble talking to people. I also realize the bishop is the only one who can truly answer some of these questions, I just need some guidelines.
