StillStanding

You are right I am on step 4. Some days it is harder than others. It is very hurtful that he won't disclose everythiung to me. But I am trying to work on filling all of his emotional needs and improving myself. Its very hard to keep my spirits up and try when my own needs are not being filled either(I guess the taker in me is out today). Is it okay to go back to step one even if you are working on step 4?

Since this has been going on so long, I understand why it started. I was not meeting his emotional needs. We had been married for over ten years at that point and I thing we both got complacent and I know that and have spent the last two years trying to get us back on tract. He knew this woman before we got married an met up with her a decade later through facebook. He had told me about her and that she was also mormon and married with children and I figured it was okay for them to be friends because in my wildest dreams I never imagined that a mormon woman married in the temple would ever do something like this. I didn't think my husband and the father of my children would betray me. That was the biggest mistake I ever made. I hate the idea of having to move to another state to get away from her. I don't even know if my husband would do that. She is not a co-worker or in my ward, but they don't seem to be able to leave each other alone. We are once again at the point where he is telling me that he is having no contact with her. But this pattern has been going on for a year. Him denying it until I find proof that he is lying and then I confront him and he says they are not going to have contact and it is that way till I find out again. I think I struggle with all the lies and secrets. I really could use the radical honesty but I don't think he will ever come truly clean with me. I know there are still secret accounts But he still puts me off about them. Does it all ever get easier?

I confronted him again with more email account names that I found. One of them is partially encrypted. I don't think he has any intent to ever let me see them. He told me last week after I spoke with the OW's husband that it was over between them because she was tired of the melodrama. I am hoping that it might be true, but I don't trust that it is and I still find it difficult not knowing what is contained in the secret email accounts. I still feel like secrets are still being kept from me and that he is still hiding it. I am still trying Plan A with all might heart but it is really hard with all the doubt I have. I still find it difficult to comprehend how another woman who was raised Mormon could do this. I am not saying that I don't blame my husband - I do. But I was raised with the values of the church and would never allow myself to do something so harmful and selfish. Right now I am going to keep praying and reading.

Thank you. I have been reading and praying. I am trying to be stong but I is extremely difficult. I have started with plan A which I agree can be hard. I often feel like just hiding away or giving up. I will continue to try because I believe he is worth it.

Thank you all. John you are right about the embarrassment and the shame. A few months ago I exposed the affair to my family and his family. I emailed the other woman and her husband and I thought it was done. But then her husband called me about a month ago and told me they were still having an affair all summer. My husband then told me he would cut off all contact which he didn't do since he confessed it to me this last week end that they are still in communication. I am still willing to try. I am already reading on marriagebuilders. All I can do is hope and pray that he sees what he is doing. He seems so blind to it all.

I have stayed because I truly believe in the commitment of marriage and we have two children and I believe strongly in the family unit. That is why I feel I have to keep trying until there is no alternatives left before destroying there lives. But it hurts very much.

I get my patience from my mother. When I confront him he lies and says he wont see her but eventually I find out again and again. I thought it might end when her husband found out but no luck she is also lying to him. I will go to marriagebuilders and read. Any support helps.

I am a life long member but not active for alot of the time. My husband is a non member who is having an emotional/slightly physical affair with another mormon woman who is married(with a temple marriage). I have tried everything for the last two years to get them to stop and for my husband to be faithful to me. I can't stand the thought of leaving him and hurting our two children. I still love him very much I saw my bishop a couple of months ago but I didn't tell him her name. I am unsure if going to see my bishop again would help or if there is anything that could be gained by me telling the bishop her name. Any advice?