SarahGood

Thanks RMGuy. I'm planning to talk to my husband this weekend and will keep your sound advice in mind. One thing that makes it especially difficult is that I went through a similar situation with a family member a few years ago. She has some serious mental problems, and along with leaving the church did some incredibly hurtful things to our family. My husband saw how much it hurt me and how painful it was for me to see someone making such devastating choices. I worry a lot that lack of the spirit will leave him open to other temptations. But you are right, I need to approach this with an open heart and an open mind. Thanks again for the support.

Skippy, I recently bought "Shaken Faith Syndrome" and gave it to him. I haven't had a chance to read it yet, but I will do so. Hubby wants to sit down and talk this weekend, so I will be praying to say the right things. I appreciate your quote about "salting the oats," that's great! Thanks for your thoughts!

My husband loves to travel, and we have literally been all over the world as a family. I have supported him in these sometimes stressful adventures. Our last family trip was to the Galapagos Islands, and it was fascinating, but not easy, especially because of our young daughter and our son who has special needs. But I recognize that it is important to my husband and I support him. He also likes to exercise and plays tennis a lot. I don't play tennis, but I should be better about going to the gym, I know he appreciates it when I do. We used to do a lot more together. We try to go on weekly dates, but it only happens every other week or so. Thanks for reminding me that I need to make that a priority.

I've never really used an internet forum like this before, but I need some perspective and hope you can help. I've been an active member of the church my whole life, went on a mission, married in the temple, and am fully committed to living the gospel. I love the church and love serving in it. My husband also grew up in the church and served a mission. We married in the temple 19 years ago and have three children. Our third child was adopted and we were sealed as a family about 3 years ago. However, since then my husband has completely changed in his feelings about the church. Not many people are aware of this, other than the bishop and his counselors. His parents are wonderful and have served three missions. They know about the situation and I have spoken with them several times. My husband told me about his feelings about 18 months ago. He said he has a huge list of questions about things in the church, such as gay marriage, blacks and the priesthood, evolution, you name it. As far as I know nothing dramatic preceded this change. He is still faithful to me, still keeps the word of wisdom, and still attends church, although reluctantly. He has traveled a lot for work and says that he feels he knows better than the church leaders about certain aspects of the gospel (such as the ones I mentioned) because of his experiences. As you can imagine, this has had a terrible effect on our marriage. I admit to much of that being my fault. I was blindsided by this -- he is the last person you would think of leaving the church. I've tried to be supportive, but when we discuss his questions it usually ends up in an argument. I can't persuade him that the church leaders are right, and that's not how it works, anyway. I've tried to stay strong, and have continued to attend the temple (though not as frequently because it is difficult without him and with our kids.) I've spoken with the bishop a few times and have read many Ensign articles about this subject. A lot of what I hear is "endure to the end, keep loving him, stay strong." It is hard though, to not be angry and hurt. I believe strongly that scripture study, family home evening and prayer are essential to a happy, eternal family. Hubby refuses to take part and sits sullenly while I read/teach. He still prays, and I don't think my older son (15) is completely aware of his feelings, but he's got to realize there is something wrong. My other kids are 3 and 12, but the 12 year old has a disability and isn't aware of the problem. I want my older son to be prepared for a mission, and he is a great kid, goes to early morning seminary every day without complaint. Tonight I did our usual scripture study/prayer, and spent some time talking with oldest son about "Preach my Gospel" and how we can use it to help him prepare. As usual hubby was withdrawn. Afterwards we talked briefly and he said he resented that I made scripture study a priority, that he thinks there are other things we could be doing as a family that would be better. I didn't even know what to say. We don't even spend that much time doing it, maybe 10 minutes. Hubby didn't pay tithing for a while, but caught up this summer and renewed his temple recommend so he could attend a family member's wedding. I knew something was off because he didn't even tell me he was going to talk to the bishop about a new recommend. Since then he hasn't been back to the temple and his attitude has only gotten worse. I have been sick with depression about this for over a year now. I can't even tell you how much I have cried. I have made a fair number of sacrifices for my husband and he can't even sit for 10 minutes of scripture study. Our relationship is at its lowest point ever. I'm sure you all don't have all the answers, but I just needed a listening ear and maybe some virtual support. Thanks.