leadkindlylight

Thank you all for the wonderful suggestions and comments. I read the initial comment in email and didn't realize I wouldn't get follow up emails for follow up comments and had been disappointed no one had responded. It was a delightful surprise to find all these encouraging words. I will definitely follow up with them. It is so helpful to hear encouragement instead of negativity. It is hard finding a therapist, especially in our smaller town, who specializes in sexual aversion in men- it's much more common in women since there's often a pain aspect to it or more shaming around it in childhood, stuff like that. We will continue looking and praying and seeking help. Thank you all again.

He sees a therapist and has regularly for about a year now- although we moved for school so he had to switch this fall to a new one, and we're looking for a different one actually, and are considering LDS family services. He also sees a psychiatrist and is on antidepressants.

Hi, I'm new here. Without being too explicit, I've been married a year now but have never consummated our marriage. We were married in the temple, and I love my husband more than life itself. He is my best friend. However, for whatever reason, the thought of having sex causes a great deal of anxiety in him. He loves cuddling and kissing but anything else, especially anything involving nudity on his or my part, causes panic attacks. He also struggles with depression and is seeing a therapist for that. He's willing to work on these issues and hopefully some day get to a point where we can be intimate without him feeling anxious. To predict some questions: No, he's not gay. He is attracted to women, not men. He says he's never found the thought of sex appealing nor had fantasies or even wishes at any point, and recently (before we were married) concluded that he might be asexual. I knew and accepted this before we were married because we discussed still having an intimate relationship. Before our marriage night, we had no idea he would have a panic attack at any sort of increased intimacy. Before getting married we would make out. After getting married, we had more intimacy without sex. Now it's gotten to the point where he feels so much pressure that even extended kissing makes him uncomfortable. He's had many struggles. The night he finally told me many of them, I prayed to know whether I should continue dating him. The answer I got was that these problems would only be temporary, but that our marriage would be forever. I believe at some point he may be ready to really address these concerns, but recently his depression has gotten worse (partly because of his guilt around this and how it's upset me). But I just don't know what to do until then. He's broken down on several occasions crying and told me that I should just divorce him and find someone who can be a true husband to me. But I don't want that. I want to be with him. I just don't know how to keep going some days. I wish I could just have that intimate touch with him and feel truly united as a couple. Our bishop knows but seems at a loss for what to advise us to do. Some days are great and fine, and then some days are like this, where I'm up long after he's gone to sleep, crying at the situation. Advice? Support? I've been searching for somewhere to at least process these emotions and have come up short. I've looked at other forums for support but they all just say to divorce him because he's not fulfilling his end of the bargain. It makes me sad to see that marriage is written off so lightly as a simple contract that should be broken if either party isn't satisfied. I wanted to post here where people understand the covenants I've made in the temple to my husband and God and my desire to maintain those covenants. Not just for the sake of not being that girl, but because I truly want to be with my husband for now and all eternity. Thanks.