Internationaltraveler

Thank you for clarifying as well as sharing the experience of your sister. Very helpful

Someone from the website changed the title of my original post. This new title "what to do legally" doesn't have the same meaning... I am sorry that someone decided to change what I wrote...

Garyw and Applepansy - thank you for your comments. You are absolutely correct that we go to church for the Saviour and not for any other reason.

Thank you for the responses given. I agree that this is basically a legal matter that she needs to go the appropriate channels to deal with it. She is doing that to the best of her ability even though this guy is wearing her down. Excellent ideas for documentation. I told her to take her iPhone and make audio and video recordings as evidence. LiterateParakeet - I think you hit it on the head. She feels judged and the evil ex wife while he is going about being " a good guy" and rubbing his righteousness in her face. I guess I am thinking why can't someone just sit down with him and counsel him to behave and keep his agreements he has already made? The general authorities have told priesthood leaders to treat their wives and families with love and respect. What happens when that doesn't happen? Is it possible someone step up and give some counsel? You are correct that the only person that can work out this situation is my friend herself. As her friends, the rest of us need to support her. Thank you for the suggestions and comments. I know that the gospel is true but we as church members are still in our process of refinement. I remember when I was in the MTC and it was very difficult for me. I asked for a priesthood blessing and I was told that the branch presidency only gave blessings on Tuesdays - this was Wed. I was devistated because I really felt like I needed some support from my leaders. I certainly learned that sometimes the leaders are not as understanding, kind, etc. as I would ideally want them to be.

I just got off the phone with a friend who is thinking of leaving the church because she doesn't feel that her bishop, stake president or the ones of her ex husband are listening to her. I have known them for 15 years since they got married and I have seen the whole thing unfold... They got a divorce for several reasons - his controlling behaviour and physical abuse of the family, his behaviour regarding the church (he does his family history, home teaching, goes out with the missionaries, attends the temple, pays his tithing) but doesn't spend time with the family, provide basic necessities for his family. The church - comes before his family in a huge way. He has had psychiatric evaluations and it comes back as bi-polar, manic depressive, narcissic but he refuses to take medications. He sued her for divorce and wanted everything. Spent thousands of dollars and ended up with far, far less than he anticipated. He won't bring back the little boy when he is supposed to and returns him without his coat or shoes. He then pretends not to know what his exwife is talking about when she asks where they are. The older daughters refuse to go with him because he is mean to them. He isn't supposed to come around her or the house and he does anyway. He caused her to lose her job because he came to her employment - she was a nanny. He calls the police if she is one minute late bringing the son to the meeting place. He locks the little boy in the car and tells her that he will bring him back when he wants to. It just goes on and on. She is going next week to get another restraining order. He is taking her back to court next week to force the daughters to go with him. She doesn't even have money for a lawyer. In the meantime, he is the personification of a righteous member of the church - outwardly doing everything by the letter of the law but woefully not living the spirit of the law. The leaders of the church on both sides see this outward manifestation of church activity and refuse to believe his behavior. My friend is now seen as just hormone driven, crazy woman who obviously is the one with the problem. She is frustrated and wants to leave the church. I remember my roommate's father who was a stake president had to write a letter to my roommate's sister's bishop because she faced a similar situation. The bishop couldn't believe how such a "wonderful" member of the church was being painted in such an un flattering way. Does anyone have a similar story and if so, what did you do? How did you keep strong in the church when the leaders didn't support you?