budding

Thanks Loudmouth! After looking at my thread history, I realized my last posting was similar -- sorry! I had forgot what I've discussed on this forum. Yes. Divorce makes people crazy. Crazy mad. Crazy sad. Worse than death? Yes. With death, you know the person loved you. In divorce (affair driven) one experiences loss, but with the twisted reality of deep betrayal and abandonment. No. I am not "over" the man that I promised to love and cherish. I guess I'm just being silly. I learned that giving love and being committed was a good thing and not something that is here today, gone tomorrow. Do I wish and plea with Heavenly Father that I could be over him. Yes. Will I ever heal completely from this spiritual and personal devastation. No -- not fully. Is one suppose to? Do I know from personal experience that the adversary is real? Yes. Above all, my greatest knowledge is Heavenly Father is present in my sadness and in my joys. He will never leave me (though sometimes I feel very alone in this wilderness). I pray that I will be given a new heart to start anew! :)

Hello all! (I've posted my situation in earlier threads -- so I won't bother you with the painful details) But for those who remember the earlier thread -- here is an update. Your thoughts, please. Thanks! Ex still feels adamant that the spirit told him to divorce me (and the other woman telling him that's what he should do to be happy -- so they can blissfully float off together.) He now says all the dark and damning feelings he had during our marriage have disappeared. That the change in the way he feels confirms to him that divorcing me was the right thing to do. Shall I tell you how this makes me feel? I'm sure you can guess! PS still wanting a bit of accountability on their parts. Is it too late to talk to the "other woman's bishop?

Greetings All, I can't remember which forum I've posted my previous questions on ... so I'm posting here, too. I've appreciated all your perspective on the crazy situation I found myself in (Long story short: Husband claims God told him not to marry me. He still did (temple marriage).He felt damned by doing this and so was our marriage. Enter other woman. Emotional infidelity. She tells him if he's not happy to just divorce me (she being 3x divorced) Suddenly, it's "God telling him to divorce me" ... All this under the pretense of God and spiritual revelation.) Of course, my ex still believes that God told him to divorce me. (No one else around him does ... oh, except the other woman, of course!) He claims he felt a darkness that he could not shake throughout our marriage. When he left me, he could feel it lift and every time he would see me or start to feel romantic notions for me ... The darkness would return even more crushing and dark. Now I'm his ex. ... He tells me the darkness has COMPLETELY disappeared. Hearing this is like a dagger to my heart. So ... What are your thoughts and perspective on the darkness suddenly lifting theory? What could be the real story behind this removal? I have my theories ... Now your's! Answers ... Thoughts? Everyone! Thanks so much! P.S. I am slowly moving on. I have good days and not so good. All in all, I find myself healing. I am blessed with the knowledge of God's enduring and securing love. This will ultimately carry me through to my new life. I have held fast to my temple covenants ... which gives me peace. :)

Yes ... He claims God brought this other woman into his life. She also claims she had a revelation that he would be in her life. How convenient ... just add God to the mix and you have an airtight and PURE explanation! (note sarcasm) Wrong is wrong. How misguided they both are.

Greetings All, I've appreciated all your perspective on the crazy situation I found myself in (Long story short: Husband claims God told him not to marry me. He still did. He felt damned by doing this and so was our marriage. Enter other woman. Emotional infidelity. She tells him if he's not happy to just divorce me (she being 3x divorced) Suddenly, it's "God telling him to divorce me" ... All this under the pretense of God and spiritual revelation.) Of course, my ex still believes that God told him to divorce me. (No one else around him does ... oh, except the other woman, of course!) He claims he felt a darkness that he could not shake throughout our marriage. When he left me, he could feel it lift and every time he would see me or start to feel romantic notions for me ... The darkness would return even more crushing and dark. Now I'm his ex. ... He tells me the darkness has COMPLETELY disappeared. Hearing this is like a dagger to my heart. So ... What are your thoughts and perspective on the darkness suddenly lifting theory? What could be the real story behind this removal? Answers ... Thoughts? Everyone! Thanks so much! P.S. I am slowly moving on. I have good days and not so good. All in all, I find myself healing. I am blessed with the knowledge of God's enduring and securing love. This will ultimately carry me through to my new life. :)

Greetings all, I'm suddenly single (divorced) and am looking for an LDS divorce support group (face to face) in the Salt Lake Valley. I've been looking around and there doesn't seem to be any actively meeting groups. In fact, there doesn't really seem to be much "talk" of the issues and trials that members face when divorce happens in their lives. The dearth of divorce support groups is surprising, because since I've moved to Utah from the Midwest, I have NEVER witnessed such rampant divorcing than here in Utah. I may be wrong in this statement, but I can't help see what I see! Anywho ... I digress! Any positive, healing and constructive divorce support groups that anyone knows about? Thanks!!

Thank you for all your great (and some tongue in cheek) replies. Some made me laugh! Some of you asked why am the heck am I still seeing my ex? Good observation! I can only use three words ... "Still in love" dang it! He ran over me and some of my actions makes it look like he took me for a lovely walk in the park! I'm slooooowly getting to a vantage point of seeing and not putting up with his narcissistic ways! My heart makes me a slow learner! I feel sorry for sick puppies and kitties ... I find myself feeling the same way about him. I feel sorry for both him and the other woman ... both are so misguided. My husband was the one to make the ultimate decision in seeing another woman, but the other woman was a powerhouse behind him. I was spitting mad and revengeful toward the OW and wanted church ACCOUNTABILITY. When I told my Catholic mother that I was going to talk to her bishop ... my mother replied, "I'll pray for you. Why would you want to destroy another person? She will receive her due judgement by the only person who should judge." GULP ... my Catholic mother shamed me. I was humbled by her words and listened. Why stoop? ... I'm low enough. I still have some pretty heavy duty feelings going on, but The Lord is changing my heart ... I feel sorry for her. I pray, in The Lord's time, I will be blessed with continuing healing and a sure footing to move on! Thanks all!

I've posted on this forum before regarding my ex husband reason for divorce ... God told him to divorce me so he could get the spirit back and have the darkness that plagued him since marrying me disappear. I received many comforting and straightforward answers from fellow forum members ... thank you! Now on to the latest .. Which begs another question to my fellow forum members ... Background: My ex husband continues to try to convince me that divorcing me was God directed, sacred and sanctified. I don't understand his choice and never will understand. I have told him this time and time again Yet, he is asking me to consider and to pray for understanding. Now he is throwing in my face my precious conversion story as a comparison to his reasoning. He is using my conversion to the Mormon Church and comparing it to his choice to leave our marriage. He thinks I will relate to his choice by using something familiar to me. My choice to leave the Catholic Church broke my parent's heart. On the other hand, saw it as a God directed choice. However my parents saw it as a wrong choice. He sees his decision as God directed choice, yet I see it as a wrong choice I told my husband that divorce destroys and conversion is life altering. He doesn't see it that way. He sees that I had to "destroy" my current life, my relationship with my parents and their religion to become the person I wanted to be. This is the way he see his choice ... Walking away from our marriage to have the spirit return and become the person God wants him to be. He also uses Abraham being commanded to sacrifice Isaac ... Nephi being commanded to kill Laban and Joseph Smith being commanded to practice polygamy as additional support to his decision. There is no reasoning with him. When I told him that divorce destroys and conversion uplifts he became agitated with me. I stayed calm. He said, "You will never understand and no one will." He says that God warns him to not discuss his choice because no will understand and he will feel darkness if he does. He's right ... no one will understand. The only one who does understand is the other woman who was a background influence in his decision to leave this marriage and is waiting to marry him. Ok folks ... What would be your reply to him (make it nice :) ) regarding using my conversion choice and all the other scriptural accounts of obedience? Or another thoughts. What could I say to at least bear witness to him. He won't listen, but I must bear witness and move on. Thanks for the constructive input!

Greetings Everyone, (Long entry.) I've always strived to be forgiving of others and myself. It's my nature and I know I've been blessed with this inner strength. However, of recent, I have been required by The Lord to forgive my ex husband and the other woman. Here is a brief description of my ex and the affair partner. The ex husband struggles emotionally and I must approach forgiving him with this understanding. In his struggles to find answers to our "doomed" marriage, he constantly was looking to others for answers. In doing this, he sought out a single woman (and she sought him out) who "gave him all the answers." He believed every word she told him. From this, an emotional affair began. My struggle to forgive him lies in separating his emotional issues versus his acts of knowingly being unfaithful to our marriage. He uses his emotional weaknesses as his reason to do all these things. I don't buy that. The hurt and betrayal is so deep. His actions have left me stripped to the bone and he is clueless as to the level of pain he has inflicted not only on me, but so many people around him. * How do I forgive him? At times, I feel the forgiving spirit fill my heart, then the sudden memory of his blatant lies and deceptions crush the sweet feeling of forgiveness. * (Rhetorical, but I need to voice this) Why must the person who was betrayed, turned on and basically made a fool have to be the one who must forgive two people who destroyed so much? Now on to the affair partner. I hate her and I don't even know he ... and it's so not me to be so hateful. I also am coming to an understanding that she has big emotional issues and I feel sorry for her. Her actions seem pathetic. All I know is she had a hand in the destruction of a marriage. The other woman is single, divorced three times and knew she was involved with a married man. She holds a substantial calling and is a temple goer. She claims she had "revelation" about my husband. He believed her. She even had a revelation about ME and that I would be so happy once my husband divorced me. This is so caculating, wrong and misdirected. Both her and my husband believed God brought them together. Now that I'm single, my chances of running into this woman are great. * What would you do if you found yourself face to face with the other woman? (The spirit tells me to hold my head high and quietly remove myself from her presence.) * How do I forgive a person who knowingly did what she did? So here I am facing the most daunting, yet spiritually refining moment ... and I know forgiving both will be transforming! I have a long road ahead and I pray for The Lord's tender mercies to buoy me up and create in me a new heart. Thank you for reading. Your constructive and kind hearted thoughts would be so appreciated.

Eowyn, Thanks for your last post. I've read and acted on the "outing" aspect. Reactions have been mixed. For me, one aspect is accountability. The woman still holds a respectable calling. I've asked my bishop if her bishop should be informed. He hems and haws. Some talk of "if she was married" then some action should be taken. What's the difference? Being a woman of covenant is the same whether married or not. Should I again ask my bishop to revisit this issue of accountability or is it all too late? Thoughts? Anyone else?

Greetings, Need perspective on the role of personal revelation and its parameters. Please bear with a brief explanation of my current situation -- then I'll pose my question. I discovered my husband having an emotional affair with a single, active, endowed sister, divorced multiple times. The woman claims she has had strong personal revelation that she should be with him and they be together. Because my husband puts a great deal of stock in personal revelation he took her personal revelation hook, line and sinker. He says she has given him answers to his questions and, at times, believes The Lord had a hand in their meeting. The answer which she "helped" him find was to divorce me -- which he is doing. (The whole story is too long and I don't want to burden the readers) My husband has been counseled and warned by our local church leaders that his actions are not of the lord. The person he listens to is ... you guessed it ... the other woman. They both think what they are doing is because The Lord is directing them. As sad and confusing as all this is, free agency and choice is the reality. What's most important to me is that I stand steadfast in keeping my covenants and trust in the Lord's keeping. Because of this confusion, I've taken to studying the role of the Holy Ghost and personal revelation. I know with a surety, the Spirit does not work in the above manner. Can anyone direct me to official LDS statements that support the correct role of personal revelation -- what is of The Lord and what isn't? Any statements that support this odd situation or of a similar nature? Thanks much for reading. Any kind and constructive reply would be so appreciated!