Reason

The hardest thing is watching so many years of your life go by when there could have been happiness in a marriage, but one would not allow it to be unless it was strictly on their terms. For a man, a healthy sexual relationship with his wife is extremely important. If one spouse has a problem, there is an obligation to fix it. Frankly, I think refusal by a spouse without some medical or the like reason is a sin. God commanded us to be one flesh, hmmm, sex works that way. I overheard an older sister once remark to some women, never refuse your husband for sex. Wise words. Frankly, a strong sexual relationship is a prime mover in a man marrying. It makes a happy man and a man happy that way is far less irritable, loving, and can put up with a lot more crap than he would otherwise take. Marriage is supposed to be the whole enchilada for both, not picking and choosing. No man gets married with the goal in mind of being celibate. And the reality is, it binds a man to his wife or without, it can be a wedge. Hopefully few other have this. Without this sexual part of a relationship, it does make a very strong temptation to take care of that need in other ways. It is truly being between a rock and a hard place. I still believe in following the prophets regardless. The sacrifice is brutal.

Maybe some, but to put forth more effort and try, no. Been there and done that, the result is more pain than before. No longer caring much hurts far less. Sometimes I just have to vent it. As to my original question, a friend who went through the same, we discussed this because of the bleakness of the future. I just wondered what other members thought.

First off, I am NOT sinning. I want to make that clear. Believe me the temptation is beyond anything, but I do not. It is even tougher when I do not feel that masturbation is a sin and detrimental spiritually, but "whether by my voice or the voice of my servants it is the same." And I follow that. The wife has been this way for years. I have tried everything I can to help and address, but she refuses and gets mad at ANY discussion from just a personal relationship to intimacy. Frankly, I think this is a large problem in church. I think the porn and masturbation concerns are symptoms of refusal by spouses. Not necessarily all, but I think it is an issue. I think the assumption is that married people have a sexually available spouse, it is often not the case. I know of a number in my own ward and amongst LDS friends. I posed the original question simply because of the vehemence that some have on the issue as I was reading this. If you have never been in a sexless and affectionless marriage, the frustration is beyond unreal and when there is no end in sight.... BTW, most men equate sex and love. No sex or affection means I don't love you. To me my wife hates me, but it goes beyond that, but it is divergent from the topic. As to reasons why she is that way, I no longer care after 20 years of it. I keep the commandments, keep my temple covenants, and know God sees my sacrifice. I hope in the next life I can have someone who loves and cares, but that is not what I will ever have in this mortal life.

Including married people who have a spouse that refuses any intimacy and will not do anything. I feel your pain. It is hard not let it get you down, almost worse when you are suppose to be able to have and still cannot. Don't give up, keep the faith, most importantly remember your conversion and what brought you to the Gospel in the first place.

For some reason my edits did not take. I do not participate in those activities. But I am asking a serious question, if your spouse refuses and shows no affection, you just have to live your life with nothing because someone made a choice for you? After years of nothing, years, then it becomes a frustration that words cannot describe and knowing it will never end. At least in prison you can look forward to getting out of jail at some point.

So, what if you are in a marriage where your spouse refuses you? Is it still a sin? Are you just expected then to live the rest of your life married to someone who will not be intimate? Live your life with nothing? I think, personally and generally, that masturbation and porn, for marrieds in the church is a greater symptom of an even greater problem, one that is never addressed. I think that is often a lack of intimacy from a spouse. One spouse decides that they don't want to be intimate and they have made a choice for you.