DLCarter

I'm not pushing it on her, I would not do that to anyone. I have my beliefs, others can take them or leave them. Not to say you are saying I am, only saying I agree pushing religion on others spells disaster. It would be full of irony as well, considering she is part Native American. I hope I haven't come off here like I am innocent. Obviously I'm not. I do see where she's coming from. This is Akron, birthplace of AA, and there are literally hundreds of other meetings in this area, and she's thinking "why this one?" Deep down, I think she is afraid I'm paving a road to get the h**l out, but I'm not. I'm just extremely foggy, confused, and at times aphasic, and scrambling to do the right thing amongst several compulsions to turn back. But nothing seems to be able to erase the hurt I have caused her. In the end, I introduced her to opiates, so I feel completely responsible for her state. She quit drugs, but is not attempting to change her behavior, which in the 12 step world equals 'dry drunk' status. Which is miserable. I am praying that I can show her and my children through my example how much better a person I can be, and I agree with you that when they actually SEE change instead of lip service that she will become more receptive to the church, failing that, that she will at least not be passively angry at me for going back. I saw a quote once that read "When I got sober, things didn't get any easier. But they got REAL ******* clear." Indeed.

Yeah, sort of. I would give her enough of my methadone to sort her out. So when I quit methadone last September, she was essentially forced to because we kept to our promise to each other to not seek outside of what I was prescribed. Really, sharing my script did seem like a good idea at the time. Looking back I don't see how. And once she was free she was very happy about not needing it anymore. The thing I'm worried about is that we bonded over largely negative things, like our abusive childhoods. In those days, she was 18 and working 80 hour weeks to support her dad and 2 brothers. She was the only one who had a job, and it had been that way for 2 years. I wanted to take her out of there and show her she lives in America and doesn't have to put up with that, and I did. Then, for some reason only known to God at this point, my drug use spiraled out of control a few years later. She believes in God and is talking about taking the kids to a church service, just not LDS. Though she said she is ok with them going to church with me she will not go, and even though she says she's ok with it, her behaviour of late makes me doubt that. How messed up would it be if getting clean and taking my life back DESTROYS my marriage? I don't want to lose her, but she is extremely bitter and disrespectful towards me, and I don't know if I can fix that anytime soon.

So as I shared in another post I have been addicted to opiates for roughly 10 years. I married a non-LDS woman and we have 2 children. I had fallen away some 17 years ago with no intention of going back. Years before when my father fell away he began collecting Watchtower and assorted anti-LDS literature, which I read. I have repeated it often over the years as reasons for not returning. So here I am, in an LDS recovery program, and she gives me nothing but static. I cannot mention the Church without her tossing my own words back at me, which I deserve really, but I am beginning to think our marriage is going to fall apart if she refuses to respect me or my decisions on how I'm going to achieve recovery. I love my wife very much. Of that there is no question. But is love always enough? Should I move to the rooftops? I cannot simply abandon them, but I sometimes dread coming home because there's always smh. I am worried that since I was a drug user before I met her, that that's the person she knows and loves and once I change, so will everything else, and not all for the immediately apparent better. The only times these days I think of getting high is when we fight. And I'm not going to get high anymore.

Well I went. And I will go back next week. I feel better. Thanks everyone.

ok just called the 12 step director. just so happens the meeting is tonite.

Thank you Pam. I am sorry for you and your son. He is lucky to have such an understanding mother. An addicts situation comes down to the sum of their choices. That doesn't mean we understand the math. Eowyn, I have done this largely on my own with only the support of my immediate family. It has been enough to this point, but as head of the household, I have learned that whether I like it or not they follow my example. And I don't know how to proceed alone. I called the church on sunday and found out they just started an LDS 12 step program, and got the guys number. I have reservations about calling, my wife is staunch not-LDS and my kids have never been to church. Her family made a huge deal about my upbringing until they found out I am not active and saw that Mormons are relatively normal humans, we don't even have nubs from where our horns were sawed off. I am just afraid of how this will play out. But I can see no other choice. What happens happens. Prison Chaplain, funny you mention submission to authority. I am recognizing this may be the root of my problem. I have issues with authority. I don't like being told what to do, it feels like my free will is being violated somehow. It can be healthy in some cases, but at this point I'm willing to listen to someone else for a change. I guess at 42, I must be maturing into an adult.

Hello everyone. I am recovering from opiate addiction, today is 37 days since I last used. Before anyone asks, I feel awful. I was raised LDS and cannot help but look back and notice the contrast between my views of LDS when I use compared to when I don't. I have tried my own way using logic as I understand it and I must say it's been a miserable failure. Every time I get past the first few weeks of withdrawal my first instinct is to re-seek the fellowship of the church. This time is no different. Only this time I know if I go back to pills I will be dead soon. So I surrender. Please help me find another way!