jss59

Satan did not make me do anything. I have made my own chains and built my own stumbling blocks. He was just very very careful in his influence over me, and looking back I see how evident it is, but at the time I did not. Truly, he leads us carefully down to hell. He does not want to jolt us along the path lest we look around and see our true condition. In my pride, I did not believe I was being deceived. Thru repentance, I now see how decieved I was.

skippy740, I want others to learn from my mistakes, and my children to really understand what happened so I will be writing a book about the experience while I am in. As a readers digest version, I will say this. It is easy to become very cynical in the times we live in. I had grown accustomed to listening to voices that promote fear and distrust of government. These voices abound, and the problem with them is they destroy faith. Also, listening to these voices allowed me to justify my behavior by pointing to the govt's bad behavior. Another issue I struggled with is materialism. Focusing on gain while trying to also focus on the gospel. No man can serve to masters. I didnt have the faith to give my all to the Lord and trust that he would take care of my family financially. I grew up very poor, and didnt want that for my family. Satan turned that desire into something that was unhealthy. I also created a pavilion covering myself from hearing from the Lord. Occasional viewing of pornography (when stressed), ignoring promptings from the spirit to repent and/or prophets counsel, and justifying/hiding my sins. I specifically remember President Hinkley counseling saints to get out of debt, and this was during the real estate boom. I thought that was rediculous counsel at the time, as the market was booming. I paid a terrible price for not listening. Bottom line, repentance has to be something we do constantly. We have to humble ourselves and get to the point where we can turn our will over to the Lord. Any other way leads to captivity and sorrow. I just want to be with my Father in Heaven again, and with my family. That is all that matters to me. I will give up all my sins to have that. This trial is my Gethsemane. I just hope to have the faith to endure well.

I wont know where I am going to for a while. I hope they do have lds volunteers where I go. I'll find out what stake the prison is in and contact the SP and see if he can be of assistance.

Yeah, I am working closely with my bishop and stake president, and have been from the beginning. I have been cooperating with the US attorney from the beginning as well, so I am doing all the 'right' things given the situation. My wife and I love each other dearly and have been married for 13 years, so the thought of being separated like this is very scary. I have gone thru a huge range of emotions dealing with this...and I find it hard to find other LDS folks who can truly understand what this is like. To answer your questions below: What's the difference between a prison camp, and prison? A prison camp is a federal prison without the 'barbwire' that you usually think of. Its a barracks like situation where you work, etc. In all other respects its just like another prison, but you do have more freedom at a camp. Its all non-violent offenders. Have you gone through your church disciplinary stuff yet? Not yet, but I just finished my plea and am now an official convicted felon. Sentencing is in August, so I believe the court will be held sometime before my sentencing. From what I have read, if you are going to prison then excommunication is a GIVEN. I have been endowed for almost 20 years, and active that whole time...so it will be so strange...this has been very difficult to come to grips with...it will mean my sealing to my wife and kids will be severed...I just cant get my head or heart around that fact... Are your crimes something where you can make full recompense? No, they will hit me with millions in restitution after I get out. I will never pay it back over my lifetime, and they know that it wont be paid back. Some mistakes we make in life dont allow us to make full restitution. Even having served a mission, in various church callings, as an elders quorum president, seminary teacher, etc...I have never understood the need for the atonement on a personal basis like I do now.

So...I got myself mixed up in a white collar fraud crime, and now I'll be doing several years in a prison camp. Its a shock to say the least. I'm in my late 30's and am married, with three children (one of which is a newborn). I've served a mission, been married in the temple, and active in every way that you can imagine. I know we dont get to pick our trials, so I wont lament my situation. Looking back, I can see how Satan decieved me into making the choices I made. All I want is to keep my family and be forgiven of the sins that lead to this situation. I hope that thru this situation I can grow nearer to my Father in Heaven and the Savior. I'm just looking to hear from others who maybe had to do a major course correction mid-life. Anyone out there who had to do time as well? I know I'm not the first active LDS man to get ensnared in the adversary's trap like this. Anyway, glad to be here and look forward to contributing while I can, until I go in. Thanks for reading