sugarmama

Thank you so much. We are planning to marry anyway, we have also been trying to avoid the petting, maybe not hard enough, but I felt we might be better off marrying sooner rather than later because of the constant temptation. I wasn't intending to continue petting and get married to make it legal. Not at all. I just wanted to know if I should repent and then wait, for maybe a year before we marry, and thereby risk falling again in that time. Or repent and get married asap. I don't want to be free of the petting for 6 months and then one day fall again and have to start all over. I thought we could repent but marry sooner. The possibility of falling again is there if we are courting for a year or more. But I also think marrying so quickly might not be a good idea, so I'll just pray for strength to repent fully and wait longer before marrying. Like you rightly said, I'll find the advice I need on my knees. That's where I need to be. Thanks again DrPepper.

Good morning all, I haven't slept much, and have been thinking about everything. I am humbled by the stark reality that I have been playing around with this petting, because I have been telling myself that I could be doing worse. It's clear that it's not the actual thing that will judge me but the state of mind that I am in. The state of mind that lets me do these things rather than put a full stop to it. Each time we have petted, I have prayed for forgiveness and promised not to do it again. We have talked about it and agreed that we would stop it. But in reality we have not tried hard enough. Before posting on here, I failed to see that the petting requires just as much sincere repentance as I gave to the act of adultery. For the 4 or 5 months that we did not see each other after the act, I was truly penitent and I had never been so low. After some months, I began to feel forgiveness. I began to feel the presence of the spirit little by little again and I guess I started to relax my efforts to come closer to The Lord and gain a full remission of my sins. The 'judging' I felt I was receiving has helped me to realise, as Skippy said, that it is the realisation of my sins that makes me feel I am being judged. I didn't take it seriously enough. I will try to update my progress here. Thanks everyone.

Thanks Vort.

Thanks Skippy, I think I have a habit of getting defensive. It's something I need to work on. I guess I have a lot to work on. I've read your post over 3 times. I understand now. I pray that I will be given the strength to follow through with my decision to just stop being alone together and building ourselves up spiritually.

I'm sorry, but it seems I'm being misunderstood. I will clarify what I said. I wasn't HAVING sex with another man. I had sex once and immediately confessed it to my ex and my bishop. It was not an ongoing thing. I didn't say it happened because of hormones or love, I said we were stupid in thinking we could resist temptation. You are right that I don't have to marry to avoid more sin, which is why I said I would just avoid being alone with him and not rush into marriage. I accepted that I was making excuses for myself by making myself believe I wasn't strong enough to resist. I didn't say that being clothed makes it better, I did say 'Sin is sin' It was just a comment about 'vaginal, oral, anal, digital' fornication that made me want to explain that I wasn't engaging in those things? I didn't say living apart makes it better. But I do feel that there is a difference between a woman who is separated and going through a divorce, falling once and confessing immediately and not repeating it, to a woman in her marital home having regular sex with another man. Not that one is better than the other, but that they are not the same thing and so it is wrong for my ex to say I was having an affair and sleeping with another man over the years, when I fell once and confessed immediately. I AM trying to straighten out my life. I am not a bad dirty adulterer. I am a person who made a mistake. As you said, I made a bad choice. A VERY bad one. I know that. I haven't repeated it. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do, to tell my ex and to tell my bishop. I am thankful for the gift of repentance and forgiveness. Heavenly Father knew we would fall, that's why He provided a Saviour. I am trying to correct what is happening now, the petting. This is why I came here for advice. This is something I would have NEVER thought I could do. EVER! I have been faithful all my life. I too would have said the things you are saying before I fell myself. I foolishly thought I was too strong to ever do anything like this. I have come to realise, from some of the comments, that I HAVE been letting myself go along with the petting when I can actually just NOT do it. Sometimes a person can be in a situation where they just don't see things properly and need the advice of an outsider. That's what I came here for. I'm glad I did. There is a reason why we are advised to avoid really long courtships, in order to avoid sin. Being an adult in a relationship where you are physically attracted to each other brings a lot more temptation than being single and on your own. There is nothing wrong in wanting to mary asap, if you know this is the person you want to marry. In my case, I do want to marry him, but I would prefer to wait a little longer, to give my family some time to accept our relationship. I just need to be stronger during this time. Thanks for your comments. I actually do appreciate your input. Thanks for your passionate and straight to the point comments.

Thanks, Despite feeling judged, I have taken it on board all the comments and they have all helped me open my eyes. I just need to avoid being alone with him from now on. It's quite simple really. As someone said, If I know it's wrong why am I doing it? I think I have been allowing myself to be weak by telling myself that I cannot be strong enough. I have also been leaving it to him not to initiate it, and when he does, I give in. I should take responsibility too, and be strong enough to not let a kiss go any further.

I am now fully divorced. I can remarry now if I wish. I am still sealed to my ex but the adultery was not the cause of the divorce. My ex and I were divorced once, then he returned and acted like he had changed and I believed it and he rushed me to remarry him. I did. He soon began the same behaviour as before and then we separated. He returned and we tried again, without him moving back in, after a couple of months the abuse started again and I decided it was over. The guy I am with now, B, came into the picture the first time we were separated. I have known him for 25 years. He's always been a nice guy. My ex and I had been separated for 9 months (1st separation) before any contact began with B. B and I only talked on the phone for about another 9 months. I was determined not to see him until the divorce was through. Then we had a fight just after the divorce came through and I refused to see him or speak to him. It was after that I went back to my ex and eventually remarried him. After my ex and I separated the second time, B and I got back in touch as friends. The feelings rekindled. We decided to meet up. We actually promised ourselves that we could resist temptation. We did resist that time and I think we got too sure of ourselves and gave more room for temptation again. The next time we met was when it happened. We made sure we didn't see each other again after that until the divorce was through. When the divorce came through, we started seeing each other again.

Thank you all for your replies. Though hard to read, I accept you may all be right. However, I do feel a little judged, so I would like to say, that I know that I DID commit adultery, as I stated earlier. Which is why I went straight to my bishop and I also confessed to my ex. I am also trying to focus on my repentance, which is why I brought this up, to get help. Otherwise I would not care about what is going on. I plan to see my bishop this Sunday and speak to him about the petting and get his advice on the marriage issue. It has been 6 months since we committed adultery and in that time we have petted 3 times. Yes my boyfriend went with a married woman, and I committed adultery, but it was not planned. We got careless and thought we were strong enough to resist the temptation. We were Stupid! My ex is saying that we were still living under the same roof and that I was having an affair. That isn't true. It happened once, whilst we were separated and heading for divorce. I'm not saying that's any better, I'm just saying he's giving the impression that I was carrying on with another man whilst I was sleeping in the same bed and living in the same house with him and therefore knowingly deceiving him. I made a foolish mistake. I immediately started the repentance process. It has been very difficult, as I expected, and it still is. I am prepared to go through anything that will help me gain forgiveness. You may be right that this is lust, but I believe there is love here too. I think the answer is to just avoid being alone together and wait a little longer. I am not trying to make the petting 'okay' by marrying quickly, I am trying to avoid more sin. And it's nothing as sordid as what some might be thinking, I remain clothed and there's no flesh to flesh contact. But sin is sin. I'm not trying to excuse myself. There is also a lot of history that I have not included, but there's no need now. I know what I must do. Thanks again, and I would still welcome any other comments, hard or not, I need to hear the truth.

Hi all, I have a problem I could do with some help with. I, shamefully, committed adultery while separated from my ex husband. We both immediately went and confessed to our bishops and are trying to repent. I am now fully divorced and dating the guy I committed adultery with. The problem is that, even though we have not repeated the act, we are still involved in heavy petting and I know this is against what we should be doing, especially when we are supposed to be repenting. I am concerned that we will not be able to keep from the petting, because we are really very physically attracted to each other. I don't think we would ever have sex again before we get married because I am completely focused on that not happening, but I don't seem to have the same will to stop the petting. We want to be married but there are so many complications. My parents are not in favour of it, it's only a couple of months since my divorce, what would people say etc. We are considering getting married as soon as possible so as to avoid us committing any more sin. But I don't feel comfortable with the idea that I'm marrying quickly because of sex. If we married asap, it would have to be in secret as my parents have strongly opposed it. My ex is still suffering from this and is telling people I was having an affair while we were married and still together. Which isn't true. We were separated. I know it's still adultery, but we were not together at the time. Getting married so quickly would make it seem like his comments are true. I've known my now boyfriend for 25 years and our mums were very close friends. His parents are in favour of us being together. We don't need approval, but we both don't want to cause trouble between us and my parents. Should we just try harder to stop the petting and wait a little longer, like a year, before we get married? What if the petting doesn't stop? Do I just need to stop moaning and put my foot down and say NO MORE petting? But I don't want to wait to marry him. I love him and want to be his wife now. So confused. Don't know what to do!