I'm pretty sure I'm a victim of emotional/verbal abuse. I've had a temple marriage for 13 years and we've always been active in the church. He's treated me with alot of disdain and coldness for many years. I've been reduced to feeling like I'm absolutely worthless and ugly, dumb, awkward, never do anything right, can't please him,etc (when I tell him how I feel he denies having any part in making me feel like this, it's my imagination).
*Yells at the drop of a hat for the smallest things (kids leave juice box on the floor, yells at me because If I hadn't bought them then there wouldn't be the problem. Told him to watch out because he didn't see a motorcyclist and almost ran him over to which he started yelling at me in front of the kids to be quiet. )
*Wont have an actual conversation with me unless it's arguing, just sentances here and there. If I tell him something I think is funny or interesting, he doesn't even look at me, just raises his eyebrows or nods. If I tell him I wish he would verbally respond to things I say he yells at me for being way overly sensitive.
*Doesn't give affection of any kind, which he realizes but says he's just not "that kind of person."
*WILL give affection if he is wanting to have sex, and if I don't want to (can you blame me if Im not in the mood very often, getting no affection and feeling like he hates me?) he'll immediately push me away, roll his eyes, and walk away.
*mumbles an awkward "i love you too" in response to me saying it, without looking at me.
*Criticizes much of what I do--my cooking isn't good, I can't take pictures right, put things together right, I'm not good enough with the kids, I talk too much, use the word "like" too much, talk too loud, slouch, the car isn't clean enough, our 2 year old coloring on the wall is my fault, the high power bill is my fault (we live in AZ so summer bills are HIGH). Etc etc the list goes on and on.
*Screamed at me in the middle of California Adventure because instead of going directly to Cars land for a fastpass while he parked the car, I took the kids on a ride on the WAY to cars land. I kept telling him quietly so nobody would hear that he was yelling at me in public with the kids right there over a ride and this is not something to get this angry over. He yelled that he didn't care and that I'm just selfish and only think about myself, took the keys and left us there. He came back later but wouldn't talk to me for 2 days.
*Screamed at me with profane words while holding our 2 year old, because I tossed a beach chair to the side of the garage (I was too tired and frustrated from him yelling at me in the car about how I was wrong about the waves being too high at the beach to boogeyboard,) to walk the 8 feet and place the chair on the ground, instead I was just tossing stuff in a pile. He said I was having "a tantrum" and and am horrible, and said I'm a "complete liar" when I explained I wasn't throwing it around in anger just to make him mad.
*Yelled at me today because my parents offered to take us all out to eat for my sons 8th bday but he wanted to go to peter piper pizza instead which we would have to pay for. He said that I'm the adult and should have told him he couldn't do pizza, what have I done, now we lost out on a free dinner because I can't think things through right."
*Alot more
If I say he is way too critical, being mean, yelling too much, etc. I'm way too "sensitive, overreacting, being stupid, etc", or he just storms out of the house. If something bad happens or an accident or something, somehow it's my fault. If we are low on money, it's because I spend too much. If I tell him to stop yelling at me in front of the kids he just tells me no because it's me who is doing something wrong and not him and Its my fault because I push his buttons. Sometimes he'll apologize and then blame it on stress and thinking I was trying to annoy him on purpose.
His own family tells me over and over how bad he treats me and it makes them upset and so I know it's not just me imagining things. If I confront him about what he's doing he explodes like I'm horrible for even suggesting he's abusive.
My daughter covered her ears and burst out crying in the car because he was yelling at me so badly. She snaps at her siblings and is rude to them just like her dad. I cannot let my kids become so affected by him, by all the contention.
I don't want a divorce mainly for the sake of wanting the kids to have a stable home (although if they keep being so affected by this I know it won't be stable no matter what), I want to try and save it if it can be, and I'm terrified of how I'd survive as a single mom. I have multiple sclerosis and can't really hold a full time job because of the unpredictability of it.
I'm going to the bishop for advice, I'm always scared of making mistakes for fear of his wrath or disdain, so me confronting him in a big way about him being abusive and it leading to possible divorce if not solved absolutely terrifies me. When I imagine the conversation, my heart races about the thought of him going into a rage and saying terrible things and scaring the kids.
Does this sound like emotional abuse? Any advise on how to confront people like this? He has had a problem with pornography in the past and maybe he has it again, I don't know I'm too afraid to ask.
thanks
