I didn't know who else to go to. I moved states to marry him so I have no support group here. Not really close with anyone in the ward. Feeling hurt.
We are both 23, we started dating last november and got married in July. I know he had struggled with porn/mb before we ever met but hadn't ever done it while we were dating/engaged. But he has been seriously depressed to the point where I'd say at least 5 days out of every week he doesn't want to talk, just sits on the couch, and says he's bored but doesn't want to do anything I suggest. He says all he needs is me to be patient or comforting but no matter how patient or comforting I am nothing ever gets resolved. Then a couple weeks ago he admitted to me he had mb twice. Okay, I shook it off. He was honest with me and he was dealing with some heavy emotional stuff (His best friend was murdered while he was on his mission and it was his best friends would have been birthday). But this morning I get up and he is at work, open the computer and see he has been looking at pornography. I was shocked. I feel so hurt. The problem with it is that when he mb or looks at porn I feel guilty because I feel like I'm not doing enough for him. But I was sexually abused by my father when I was a teenager and raped my first semester at college and I have a lot of issues in regards to sexual intimacy. He knows this, he has been so supportive up until recently. I know that we don't have sex as often as everyone says married couples do, but it's always at least twice a week. It's not like he's going weeks without sex and even then... I told him I had been like this in previous relationships (I lived with an ex for 2 years... didn't grow up in the church, joined 2 years ago). He knew what to expect and yet now that its happening hes always cranky and depressed. His moods are already enough for me to handle... I feel as though if I'm ever struggling and need comfort he's not there because he's just so annoyed with something going on in his head. I have no idea what to do or where to start or how to bring it up with him. I know if he does it again then its going to take a lot of time to get him out of his depression because he struggles so much with guilt. He literally feels guilty about EVERYTHING he shouldn't feel guilty about, and yet doesn't feel guilty when it's something he should. It's so frustrating. The hardest part is that none of this came out until AFTER we got married. Like, when we were on our honeymoon even.
I know this was all kind of disorganized but I am just feeling so flustered and didn't know where else to go. Any help or advice at all would be so greatly appreciated. Thanks so much everyone.
