anthony

I posted this on LDS forums and thought you guys deserve to hear it too. I would like to thank everybody who has responded to my plea for guidance and advice. In reading these posts I have come to understand much and look at different points of view. I have decided not to give up on God, thanks in large part to the heart-felt responses of many of the members of this forum. The church, on the other hand, is something I will be giving up. It has been difficult to do this. It is always difficult to give up something upon which one has based his or her entire life. But I know this to be for the best. As of this moment I believe the church to be false, with greater certainty than I ever knew it was true despite many years of trying to force myself to believe. This has been the result of serious questioning and investigation. I do not wish to offend anyone, I just thought you all should know what the result of my search for the truth has been. Thank you, -Anthony

I myself might have given myself this advice a year ago, I understand where you are coming from. If you didn't read my first original post perhaps you didn't see that this is something I've secretly struggled with my entire life. My entire life. I have read the scriptures, prayed, hoped, had my ups and downs with faith, paid my tithing, gone to church, fulfilled my callings, fasted, counseled. Last Friday I let my doubt out and that act alone let me face my fears. By Sunday I had decided to leave the church and Monday started researching what you would call "anti" materials. Don't blame anti-mormon material for my departure. And please don't think I took this lightly. It was the biggest decision I have ever made. Thank you for your concern, I do appreciate it.

I would like to thank everybody who has responded to my plea for guidance and advice. In reading these posts I have come to understand much and look at different points of view. I have decided not to give up on God, thanks in large part to the heart-felt responses of many of the members of this forum. The church, on the other hand, is something I will be giving up. It has been difficult to do this. It is always difficult to give up something upon which one has based his or her entire life. But I know this to be for the best. I also know that the church is false, with greater certainty than I ever knew it was true despite many years of trying to force myself to believe. This has been the result of serious questioning and investigation. I do not wish to offend anyone, I just thought you all should know what the result of my search for the truth has been. Thank you, -Anthony

It is an EXCELENT post, I agree. The ironic thing is, it was in response to another one of MY posts! jejeje. But yes, it is a good post :)

I really liked what you wrote, and I think I will try to do the same. Hopefully I will be able to find and feel God soon, I will work on this. As for the church, I'm definately thinking about leaving.

That was a beautiful story, I liked it. I've decided that I will try to find God, it may take a long time but I will continue searching. I'm just not sure if I'll find him in the Mormon church anymore.

Thanks for the thoughts. It is due to you and others like you that I've decided not to give up on God, perhaps knowledge of him will come with time. However, you made some erroneous assumptions in your post which I'd like to correct. First of all, I didn't go on my mission because it was expected of me, I went to find a testimony of all that I had been taught to believe. One would assume that after 2 years of intense scripture study and working in the field I would have a strong testimony and tons of spiritual experiences to tell. One would assume wrong. Also, it is a known truth that having the entire family together united in the gospel can help overcome many doubts and keep each other strong in the faith. This is why I've mentioned my families faith. However, my own faith has never been on par with theirs.

To be honest, not a whole lot has been going on in my life. I don't have any major troubles. These feelings of mine towards the church have been in the back of my mind for years, to be honest. Even one of my main reasons for serving a mission was to get a testimony...which never really came. I don't get how people can tell me to just keep going on faith. I'm seeing a lot of that. If I had gotten confirmations in the past that this is his true church I would understand but I havn't. I honestly believe I'm just not one of those people who can feel that "burning in the bosom". This makes it dangerous for me to listen to authority figures who tell me to continue trying to believe and wait for a confirmation. Could not any leader in any church on the face of this earch tell me the exact same thing? I don't want to force myself into a faith based on nothing.

I have already had some wonderful responses to my post on other sites and wanted to see if the members of this board could add anything that might help me. For reference I've copied what I've posted on other boards... ""First of all, let me apologise if this is posted in the wrong place. Perhaps perhaps a topic as difficult as doubt in God should be placed in the adult only section? I'm not sure. I also worry that my own thoughts and confusion (as foolish as it may be) might not be good for others testimonies. I have no desire to damage any one's testimony. Believe me, if I could just go on believing without all of this painful doubt life would be wonderful. I just don't want to believe in something that isn't there. Theoretically, I should be a strong member of the church. I'm 27 years old and was born into the church. I served a full 2 year mission in a foreign country. My parents and brothers are members. My younger brothers are serving missions. Sometimes I wonder why I can't just be like everybody else. Doubt in God is not fun. Believing in him gives so much meaning and purpose to life. Perhaps weak faith is my lot in life? My weakness God has given me to overcome? Why do others find it so easy to believe while I lack faith? Why can I say, that despite a lifetime in the Church, I cannot honestly recall a strong spiritual experience where God spoke to my soul and said I exist and I love you! I served a full mission studying and praying and working every day with all my soul despite an incredibly debilitating social anxiety disorder that often paralyzed me, where is my confirmation? Don't I deserve one? I can't stop sobbing while writing this. Some of you may wonder, why is he doubting God instead of just the church? That is, after all, a more common problem. My reasoning is this- the organization of the church is wonderful. It is better and makes far more sense than any other church on the face of the earth. Therefore, if God exists, this is His church. I'm just not sure he exists sometimes...that last sentence was painful to write. Conversely, if this church is false, I would think God does not exist. I know that in times like these one is encouraged to read the scriptures regularly and pray. Perhaps I should not give up on that as I have. But I also worry that by doing this daily activities it will kind of force me to believe just enough not to question so much...but then I'll eventually falter and lose faith again. Honestly, if I was a Muslim my whole life and felt my faith was weak but then decided to start praying and reading my scriptures everyday the outcome would be the same- my faith in my religion or God would be restored. It seems to me forcing yourself to do something every day makes you believe in what you are doing, no matter what it may be. I hope I'm wrong here. Please be nice to me here. Some advice, encouragement, anything. These are the words of my soul and as I write them I find I'm crying. It's painful to doubt in something you have be brought up to believe your entire life. Thank you for your time.""

Good advice. I will separate the two questions from now on. I'd like to ask another question in addition to the unanswered "why has the vast majority of the world been denied the chance to hear the gospel" question. People keep telling my to hang on, that it will get better, that a confirmation is coming. Could not this be said to me if I was in any other religion? If I had been brought up a Cathlic all my life and started to doubt to to its numerous flaws, couldn't other members just tell me to stay in the religion and wait it out? Thank you for your loving answer, I can tell you really want to help. I would like to respond paragraph by paragraph to what you wrote, but am unsure how so I'll just do it below. I don't believe I am doubting myself much these days. I'm am more full of confidence than I ever have been. My anxiety disorder is mostly gone and I find myself relying on my own abilities and ideas rather than others. In the past I had prayed often, waiting for that burning inside, as you say. It has not come, though I wish it had now. I could happily be living the life of a devout Mormon full of security and free of doubt. And in the past I also kept all the commandments and tried to live as a good Mormon should, especially while on my mission. If an answer didn't come then it doesn't seem likely to come now. It would be so much easer if I could just go on without an answer but I'm not sure I can.

I read the chapters you mentioned, thanks. Quite a lot on faith there, I can see how it is useful in my situation. However, it seems too much to keep going on faith these days. If I was born into another religion they could also tell me to keep going on faith and the confirmation will come later.

Thank you for your words. I felt many things upon reading them. I myself would have given myself the same advice a few months ago. Dig in...but for how long? I'm 27 years old! 27! Why would God make me wait this long for the smallest sign? People in other churches and faiths have visions, life-changing expericences, ect. including the "burning in the busom". I cannot recall experiencing any of that. And if I'm so special, why are other members of this board sending me PM's that I'm not alone in my feelings? Please don't think I'm angry at you or God or anyone...I just feel very frustrated. Thank you so much for responding. I have many doubts, most of them are too confused to put into words. The big one, and the one I've never been able to answer, is why has God established his Church on earth throughout the ages when an incredibly small percentage of people on earth have ever belonged to it! If all history was like the Nephites and Lamanites where the truth was present but people turned their backs on it I would understand. But by crude guesswork I would imagine that only .01% of man since the beginning of time has even heard of His church. Why establish something that is so small, that affects so little? Why make such a huge plan with emphasis placed on our time here on earth when in our time here on earth nobody really knows about the church? Apparantly, the vast majority of missionary work will be done after this world, as well as all the ordinaces required. It just doesn't make sense, I try to think of answers but just end up confused.

No, not really. Not that I can think of. Just for long as I remember I've never felt the way everybody else does. My parents got divorced few years ago but I think that didn't affect me too much, it affected my younger brothers a lot more. Other than that my life has been pretty good.

First of all, let me apologise if this is posted in the wrong place. Perhaps perhaps a topic as difficult as doubt in God should be placed in the adult only section? I'm not sure. I also worry that my own thoughts and confusion (as foolish as it may be) might not be good for others testimonies. I have no desire to damage any one's testimony. Believe me, if I could just go on believing without all of this painful doubt life would be wonderful. I just don't want to believe in something that isn't there. Theoretically, I should be a strong member of the church. I'm 27 years old and was born into the church. I served a full 2 year mission in a foreign country. My parents and brothers are members. My younger brothers are serving missions. Sometimes I wonder why I can't just be like everybody else. Doubt in God is not fun. Believing in him gives so much meaning and purpose to life. Perhaps weak faith is my lot in life? My weakness God has given me to overcome? Why do others find it so easy to believe while I lack faith? Why can I say, that despite a lifetime in the Church, I cannot honestly recall a strong spiritual experience where God spoke to my soul and said I exist and I love you! I served a full mission studying and praying and working every day with all my soul despite an incredibly debilitating social anxiety disorder that often paralyzed me, where is my confirmation? Don't I deserve one? I can't stop sobbing while writing this. Some of you may wonder, why is he doubting God instead of just the church? That is, after all, a more common problem. My reasoning is this- the organization of the church is wonderful. It is better and makes far more sense than any other church on the face of the earth. Therefore, if God exists, this is His church. I'm just not sure he exists sometimes...that last sentence was painful to write. Conversely, if this church is false, I would think God does not exist. I know that in times like these one is encouraged to read the scriptures regularly and pray. Perhaps I should not give up on that as I have. But I also worry that by doing this daily activities it will kind of force me to believe just enough not to question so much...but then I'll eventually falter and lose faith again. Honestly, if I was a Muslim my whole life and felt my faith was weak but then decided to start praying and reading my scriptures everyday the outcome would be the same- my faith in my religion or God would be restored. It seems to me forcing yourself to do something every day makes you believe in what you are doing, no matter what it may be. I hope I'm wrong here. Please be nice to me here. Some advice, encouragement, anything. These are the words of my soul and as I write them I find I'm crying. It's painful to doubt in something you have be brought up to believe your entire life. Thank you for your time.

I agree with the rest of what you wrote in the post whole-heartedly, but this part surprised me. Is it EVER a good thing to be closeminded/judgemental? Of course not! What if Noah had decided not to build the ark because he thought it was a crazy idea? Did not Jesus let a prostitute wash his feet? What if all those Prophets in the Book of Mormon had not gone to preach to he Lamanites because they were a wicked and perverse people? IMO being closeminded/judgemental is never a good thing. These attributes would and do separate many Mormons from society but in a way that is hurtful to the church and makes others despise us. BTW, I live in Illinois and am thinking about finishing up college in BYU but am wary of the Mormons who are closeminded/judgemental. I tend not to get along with them so well. Thankfully, not all of Utah is like that so I'll probally still go