ldsshine

I don't think you're immature at all. I never said that.

I understand what you mean. But disagree. I don't think it's immature at all. A person can have all intents of acting on a "crush"/attraction (not mutually exclusive) without a single "entertaining what-if"....if that's what the person really wants. I am not that person. I just asked for advice on possibilities of eliminating thoughts...with complete knowledge of zero follow-through. That's it. The question of "what if I can't control myself" never existed. I guess one person's "playing with fire" is not even a mere test of will to another.

Nope. Not offended at all. But thinking every married woman/man can never have a liking/"crush"/attraction to another person, with no intent of acting on it, certainly is in need of a "good therapist"; that may offend some.

no. Most definitely not. This "challenge" is in your perception of what I wrote. I don't blame you for thinking that, but I'm sorry you're mistaken. No "challenge". I reread what I wrote...I forgot to delete that last sentence when I reread what I typed/edited. eh.. So, again, NO challenge here.

if me wanting to marry this young man, or have ever thought I was "in love" with this young man, has any truth in it, well then I'm darn Marilyn Monroe reincarnated. I NEVER had any thought in this cute little head of mine to REALISTICALLY run off with this elder to some private land and make babies till the sun came up. I was also never "in love" with him....YET, the mere thought....this thought....of being his age (i.e. my life 10 years ago) and curling up on my couch {my 10-years-ago couch :) } watching movies and eventually marrying him did. Like a teen wanting justin bieber and getting really achy when finding out he's arrested yet jealous of the other jail inmates because At Least THEY get to see the bieber. They KNOW they will never have him...but can't stop thinking of him. Well, mine died down a bit...MY problem was that, unless the holy-spirit gives him psychic abilities, there was NO WAY he must have known these secret thoughts of mine. NO WAY. Yet, the energy was different. Soooo....either I'm not as sneaky as I think (maybe I accidentally winked at him or something and don't realize it)...OR well..I don't know. Then not too long ago I realized something. I'm Addicted to this. Addicted to crushes. College was the worst. Seriously. I LOVED having crushes. Loved it. Gave me this dopamine-giddy feeling. BUT, as soon as that crush liked me back...I was out of there. My Crush-feeling literally disappeared INSTANTLY. Maybe I have BPD or something. So realizing this about myself (my crush addiction)...there's only one thing that can solve this missionary problem: This elder must let me know he's into me too, . Only then will this crush of mine go away. It's a proven fact...happens every time. All I know is he's coming tomorrow again.

That's interesting...and that might be the case here too. I just wish the energy with him and I hasn't changed. It's like ..what did I do (not think..but Do)? He seems a bit less talkative, and even fumbled his words and pointed it out laughingly. I'm thinking he isn't as into being there....and it hurts my feelings. And then there's the whole disregarding me as I welcome him into my home....not fully, he did say hi, but after walking straight to my husband as I greet them in. What confirmed that observation was after he walked in the door, his older man guest followed next inside and IMMEDIATELY turned to greet me ( which seemed the polite and appropriate thing to do). I'm mainly going by energy here...it just seems different. How am I suppossed to make this a good experience when I'm feeling this way?

but I'm sad right now. Sad also because I'm sad. The reason why I'm sad is because I thought I was over this "crush". I've really been taking what they've been teaching all in. Before, it was "I didn't have time to read that..." and "I didn't understand this and this", but now, I'm really invested in the book of Mormon..and baptism is in our near future (I've never been baptized so it's exciting to me in a way). Yet, today, when they came over, I got sad. The energy was different. For example, I opened the door and greeted them, with my husband a few yards away from me in the house, and when I welcomed them in, he went straight toward my husband; as if intentionally ignoring me..and it hurt me. They brought a guest..he was SO nice. And I love it when they bring additional people because they are older and seem so much more relateable (married and have kids). Their life experience makes the 2 young men seem really young. And I have so much respect for these men they bring, and how loyal and family-oriented they are. Just RESPECT..no crushes. So now I feel guilty. This "crush" I had was just that. I wasn't going to "act" on it or anything...I definitely didn't want it to change the positive energy between the missionaries and myself. It could all be in my head. It may very well be. But what started off as just an inner-need for maybe hubby-attention, {that was sent off a detour outlet temporarily}, has now turned into a question mark above my head to what could possibly have gone through his head to give me the feeling things aren't the same from when they first started visiting. BTW, this was all private thoughts, :). I never acted on anything or gave any kind of "look"..so that is what baffles me. Basically, can't a woman have nerves of steel and not feel guily for needing them, lol?

Thank you for the advice. I honestly respect your perception. It's beautiful in a way; to see others as people of God first and foremost.

great advice, thank you. But I can't help think of something else that may just prevent me from asking for sister missionaries..that is: how old are these sister missionaries? Because...what if dear husband develops a crush on one now .

well, they are coming over again tonight. The weather is not bike-riding weather so they will very likely have someone give them a ride. I don't want to tell them to not come back anymore. They are trying to convert us. I just take it VERY slowly and seriously. If anything, I'll not only grow closer in my knowledge of their faith, but also just enjoy..really enjoy..their company. And they'll get their satisfaction of introducing us to the Mormon world :).

I know this sounds odd...but I do feel kind of bad just telling them not to come over anymore. What reason do I give (I'm embarrassed of my feelings), and most importantly, what do I tell my husband? THanks for the advice.

Yes I agree. Married with crush...sums it up.

No, I meet them with husband with me. But they invited themselves in once; guess they forgot rules. Also, I've spoken to them outside my door by myself...they've visit just to see how I'm doing.

Its sounds like a common, even expected, thing...these crushes. Why do you think this is so?

Thanks, you gave some good advice there. Good to know I'm not some creepy grown woman, and I may have to just expect that this Will keep happening ......come to think of it, he does remind me of a younger version of my husband. But why oh why did you have to open with "oh vey"....he says that. SO cute..