mobius4niner

LOL. I was told there would be sacrifices in marriage. It’s been good. Working through issues proves to make marriage worthwhile and meaningful- two separate minds and hearts combine to form one goal. Good thing watching movies is not one of my big concerns!

No doubt my mentality has brought about this dilemma. I wholeheartedly agree. I am not a leader type of person; I don’t have such desires of grandeur. Maybe others want to aim for this goal. I don’t. Regardless, I’m called to serve leadership positions anyway. But it takes its toll on me because I am expected to be someone I am not. I am just a lowly person who does the best he can with what he has.

Thanks notquiteperfect, I will share these links with her.

These are all very helpful points. Thank you. My wife is a very sensitive person; depression runs on both sides of her family. I never really imagined how difficult it would be do deal with until after we were married. Most of my wife’s guilt laden conscience stems from this unusual desire to please her mother. My mother in law exerts this powerful influence on her daughter, enough to alter her feelings and thoughts to conform to her own. For example, I took my wife and her family to see the movie “Frozen” a few months ago and my mother in law claimed it was an “evil” movie because of the dark magic (witchcraft) themes. When we got married I had to destroy (not donate) a majority of all my DVDs because of violent or sexually charged themes (none were above PG-13). Seriously, I had to throw away Jurassic Park because of the bikini clad woman screensaver on Denis’ computer. My wife’s masturbation “temptations” are her greatest struggle. She lives inside a circle with closing boundaries as if everything she does is a sin. She cries helplessly and will not use the restroom or take a shower by herself anymore. I have been patient to address her needs while trying to teach her but the circle keeps closing.

Thanks for the responses. The temple trip was a ward event- my wife and I are on sealing teams and we also attended a session the same day. I don’t want to be complaining but too much is too much. I feel like the church has taken over every aspect of my life to a point I cannot enjoy it. I work all day and work all evening. To address comments above, I will honestly admit I am very poor at delegating. Delegating tasks was not the way I was raised or taught. I take it upon myself to assume responsibility for all actions, even those I assign. So regardless if I delegate or not, I still feel the same if the work is not done. I simply cannot say “so and so is still working on it”. I’m not sure how active other wards are, but phone calls to subordinates always go unanswered or unaccomplished. I don’t know why I’ve been called to serve in leadership positions if I can’t even manage my own time. I know the Lord knows my abilities but how far must go before I collapse from exhaustion? So far my following the plan of happiness has me in misery. My wife became ill this week, probably because of the stresses associated with all the traveling and commitments we’ve made. I cannot do it. So we stayed home this Sunday to take a break and just rest. We went for a walk and watched old Disney cartoons together. And already I’ve received phone calls and emails asking why we didn’t attend church…on ONE Sunday. This consistent in- my - business - culture is making me disgruntled. Can anyone just leave me alone?

My wife’s family is very devout LDS. It was because of her good qualities and compassionate heartedness that I fell in love with her. I converted to the LDS faith three years ago but her insistence on doing church activities is becoming a chore rather than a blessing. Sometimes I feel she puts too much emphasis on church and church related activities- that I never have time to do anything else- it drives me insane. This past weekend for instance- I scheduled a day off from work Friday to accompany my wife on a temple trip. The temple is 3hrs away and I spent between 6:00am to 3:00pm there. Then there was a relief society party planned at my house the same day from 4:00pm to 10:00pm. We rushed home and I was asked to provide rides for all the women who didn’t drive or have cars. Saturday was my wife’s friend’s baptism in a location also 3hrs away and I didn’t get home until midnight. I woke up Sunday morning at 5:00am to make a 6:00am bishopric meeting and I am at the church building until 3:00pm. Then home teaching from 4:00pm to 6:00pm. My wife goes to stake choir from 6:00pm to 9:00pm and finally I’m so exhausted by the end of the day that I fell asleep without having accomplished any of the necessities like eating lunch or dinner- paying bills, cleaning dishes, or even going to the bathroom. I feel the church is micro managing my life to a point where I have no life outside of church. It’s given me a very disgruntled attitude about the church. How can I feel the spirit and love my spouse if I never see her? How can I give freely of my time and possessions if I am expected to be at all these meetings? It’s not enjoyable. We got into an argument about it last week. I told her I am stressed and I am tired of doing nothing but church activities. I’m angry about not having time to enjoy being together. My parents called me (they are not members) and were upset that I haven’t spoken with them in weeks. I am usually curt with them on the phone because I’m in a meeting or driving somewhere for a church activity. My dad cussed me out and told me to get a grip on myself and realize life is more than just church. It’s about having a fun time, learning new things, and enjoy being together. My mom and dad asked if our church is so centered on family, why were my wife and I so exhausted serving all the time. We don’t even have kids. It really opened my perspective on things Does anyone else have a hectic calling or feel burdened by all the things the church expects us to do?

I need some marriage and relationship advice. My wife is a very sensitive person and she always feels she is doing something wrong. Part of this feeling is exacerbated by an apparent obsessive compulsiveness that is difficult for me to comprehend. She is sensitive on sexual matters- particularly masturbation- a problem she’s struggled with in her early teens. But what she considers as masturbation differs from my view on the subject. She believes anything that makes her body “feel good” is considered masturbation and is therefore a sin. I realize the church’s definition of masturbation follows this definition quite accurately; however my wife tends to take this to extremes. Actions as simple as buckling her seatbelt over her chest, using the restroom, how she sits in a chair or even scratching an itch makes her feel that she is masturbating. I’m not sure how to educate her on the matter- she sincerely believes these actions are sinful and it makes her very depressed. At her request, I scheduled interviews with our ward bishop. We go to the interview together. He has instructed her to review Alma 37. The bishop says my wife is doing great and she has nothing to worry about. The interview gives her a spiritual boost for a week or so and then she is back to feeling bad and wants to talk with him again. The problem repeats itself. I am not sure what to do. My wife has an extremely high guilt conscience. She is a very compassionate and loving person but she lives her life afraid of making choices for herself in fear that it will bring about sinful temptations. Part of this is due to her childhood upbringing- her mother feels similarly on things and continues to have a huge influence on her daughter. I’ve been very accepting and open, trying to guide her and make her feel better. She doesn’t quite trust my judgment and still turns to her mother for spiritual guidance- only making the situation worse. I do not know what to do to help her move past this “jailed” mentality and live outside the box.

Hello everyone, I just want to introduce myself to the forum. I am excited to use this forum to learn more about the church and share some general questions with other members. Just a little background about myself- I converted to the LDS faith about three years ago. At that point it time I was already an established individual, with a mortgage, career, etc. I was introduced to the church by a friend and coworker who later had me take lessons with the missionaries. Following my baptism I was moved to the young single adults ward. I quickly attained leadership callings during my time in the YSA, serving as EQ councilor and later as EQ president. It was there I met and began dating my future wife. Two years later we were married in the temple. The church has been an important component of my life. I now serve on our ward bishopric. My wife and I are expecting our first child later this year. So, hello everyone!