johnnyutah99

UPDATE: I ended up talking with the bishop today and yes there will be consideration on some kind of disciplinary consequence but excommunication was not strongly emphasized due to the circumstances I have described. I expressed my sincere regret and shame. I now have to talk to the counselor that my wife and I are both seeing but I will see the counselor individually first to break this news. But everything pales in comparison to how my wife is going to react in my opinion. I feel tremendously terrified of what I stand to lose. This is all overwhelming but I know it is necessary rather than carry this burden of guilt and shame. I hope for the best and live moment to moment instead of letting the past eat me alive emotionally. I appreciate all of the feedback and advice here. Thank you.

Yeah I'm glad you said that. I actually scheduled a meeting with the bishop tomorrow and I had planned on making an appointment with the counselor we are seeing jointly but making an individual appointment. I know the confession to my wife is going to have to be in a setting with a third party involved. The immediate silver lining from this is that I have gone cold turkey with the alcohol and I no longer feel like sex is an issue. I see how resentment and anger can lead me astray in that area. It is all overwhelming. Thank you for your response.

I feel very ashamed coming here and admitting that I have crossed a line I never thought I would. My wife and I have been struggling within the marriage for many years and just last month my wife indicated to me that I am "cut off" from any kind of sexual activity with her until the relationship improves which was devastating. I should also mention that I have been inactive in the church for many years while my wife has been faithfully active along with our children. I have struggled with alcohol as well and one day after an argument about the topic of sex, I stormed out of the house and went to a bar and of course attempted to "drown my sorrows". In the process I ended up talking to a woman and eventually I found myself at her apartment. While intercourse wasn't involved there was "heavy petting" involved. I felt tremendously guilty and scared the next day after the alcohol wore off. I felt the exact opposite of how I thought I was going to feel. I felt resentment and anger about being deprived from my wife but I do not justify what I did either. I am inactive but I have felt like I should reach out to the bishop of my ward on this. I am terrified that if I tell my wife then she will divorce me immediately and I will not be able to see my children as often anymore. We are in counseling too and I know eventually I am going to have to bring this up. I feel so ashamed and guilty and terrified. Did I indeed commit adultery to a point of being excommunicated? I feel so lost and completely depressed. I don't know what to do.