shyshy93

He is very introverted, not that he avoids socializing or human interaction. He is just quiet, reserved and does not get very close to people. I know he loves me and tells me I am beautiful all the time. I agree, marriage might be just a new experience to him so much he doesn't know what to do 100% of the time. And I will try to recommend a journal for him to keep to remind him of things. Thank you so much for your thoughts.

My husband and I have only been married for a little less than 4 months. I am a convert to the LDS church coming up on 3 years. My husband and I have known each other since right after I was baptized, starting dating last March. Admittingly, I had a dark past, had ex's that I did unmentionable things with before I was a member. My husband has been a member his whole life, I am the first girl he ever dated or was serious with. Something that I worried about early on was our affection towards one another. We never did anything crossing the line while dating or engaged. If anything it was quite the oposite. He never initiated kisses, holding hands, cuddling. In fact, I pursued him to go on a date with me. Now after marriage, I am still the one initiating everything. However it hurts me to always be the one to try and set "the mood". It makes me feel there is something wrong with me, or he doesn't want me in a physical way. Whenever I mention this to my husband, it breaks his heart. I tell him I know he loves and cares about me, that he just doesn't seem to love me in that way. He puts himself down beyond belief when I say this, saying to me how horrible of a spouse he is, how I don't deserve him and he is failing at our marriage. In turn it tears me to pieces to see him hurting because of my complaints. After much crying and heartache, we both agree I communicate better what I want from him, and he tries to be more affectionate. However after a day or two its right back to where it began. I don't want to tell him I want affection, I don't want to hurt him. He doesn't think about needing or wanting affection, sees me putting of a fake happy face and doesn't know I need love even though he is fine without it. I want him to want to be with me. I want him to initiate affection. But every passing day I try to even put out little hints and he either doesn't catch on or denies me due to him being tired from work or school. I pray about it. I have fasted about it. Talking to him hasn't seemed to work but make matters worse, putting us both in emotional termoil. I don't know what to do. I have gained a little weight, and although my husband notices it doesn't bother him or stop him from being loving or kind. I do my best to hide my sadness to avoid making him feel guilty of making me feel hurt, alone and lacking of love. I am unmotivated to do anything, school, cooking, cleaning, bathing, socializing. We don't read our scriptures daily. I try to, but he always forgets or never thinks to read them on his own or with me. Like our love life, I don't want to constantly remind him to read scriptures or have Family Home Evening or plan a day to go to the temple. I want him to want those things on his own. But he doesn't. I love my husband more than anything in this universe other than my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. I want him to be happy. If my suffering in silence keeps the peace, I will do what I can. I don't ask for pity or attention. I am just so broken and alone, I wanted to say/type it, get it out of my system so I am not totally alone.