gamornin

Thank you for this. Your first paragraph is where I'm coming from. I don't want to feel bitter. I want to move on with my family and feel like I'm headed where I need to be. It's just that I feel so helpless. And it feels impossible to let go of hard feelings and constant contention/fear when I have to deal with him and send her to him so regularly. I really have gone to the law and will continue to do that as much as I can. However, around here for some reason they've got it down to where they assume if accusations come up during a divorce or custody case, they figure they are false. At least that's what he's got them thinking. I don't understand since she was so little and barely talking when she made her first claims. I couldn't have 'coached' her to say such things so consistently that would be so foreign to her! The law seems to be around only to protect the accused, not the victim. If there's not definate proof, they can't do anything if he fights hard enough. The more I fight and make accusations, the more I look like the unreasonable parent trying to keep a child away from her father. It's very frustrating. But anyway, there's no doubt that this situation we are in is not fair and doesn't make any sense, but we've got to find a way through it regardless. I just don't know how to move ahead and feel good about things when this is so wrong! It's difficult to teach my children and keep a positive and spirit in our home. It's difficult to expect them to trust me. It's difficult not to fall in to despair, but I'm desperately trying. Thanks. Oh, and by the way, I did think about a detective, and about hired one, but then i felt silly. He's not going to abuse her on his front lawn.

I don't expect answers about what to do with my case. (Althought, that'd be great!) I'm really looking for spiritual guidance and how to reconcile counsel. No, forgiveness doesn't necessarily mean allowing abuse, but if I'm doing all I can legally do, then what? I'm still required to keep an attitude of charity, forgiveness, love, and submit to the Lord in all things. I've tried not to give in to despair, and have tried not to feel too negatively. I am remarried and have other children as well. I don't want this to destroy our family or detract from the Spirit in our home. I want to enstill hope and faith in all of my children. At the same time, they have no reason to feel security or trust in me while I am sending one of us to a place where she is hurt. I'm just really struggling for what is right. If I could know what that is, I'd do it. I have felt that I did until recently, and now every day it feels wrong. I've thought of running, even of somehow giving her away, even of murder....but none of those things would be right either. I keep thinking of the talk someone gave in a past conference "But if not..." If anyone is familiar. Basically, I pray for her to be saved, but if not, give us the strength to get through it with faith. Mostly, I pray for guidance and I continue to try to keep myself open for inspiration. It is tremendously difficult. Any help would be appreciated.

It is her father. We have been going back and forth to court for four years now. He started abusing her when she was one and she told everyone, her therapist, her doctor, and of course me and other members of my family repeatedly. DCFS substantiated the claim, yet because a young child is considered an "unreliable witness" and there's no way to prove the abuse, and because her father has a very aggressive attorney, he has succeeded in now having joint physical custody. I have been her primary caregiver all of her life and for most of it, because of her descriptions of abuse, he had supervised visits and no overnights. Now because of his persistence in the court, and lack of absolute proof, we share a joint physical custody schedule where we each have 2 nights per week and rotate 3 day weekends. She comes home with stories of being given alcohol, of him taking naked pictures of her, of him killing her dog (our dog did dissappear), etc. She begs me to change things and I have continued to try withinn the law, but haven't had any luck. He continues to claim that I make it all up or coach her to say things. So, how do I handle this 'right' within the gospel?

I was seeking answers in today's conference talks and particularly paid attention to the talk on forgiveness. I believed it whole heartedly, but still struggle for more. We are counseled to forgive everyone. I have lived this so much, I usually find it pretty easy actually---until recently. Our leaders and the scriptures speak often of forgiving everyone and of specific instances where great people have forgiven difficult things. Today, the talk mentioned forgiving drunk drivers or other murderers who killed loved ones and offerring support and kindness--specifically talking in detail about the Omish community who offerred support and kindness to the family of the murderer who attacked them. The man was dead. In the other instances, the perpetrators were given justice. The Elder talked of seeking justice and not revenge. My question is this... Would it have been different if the man had returned multiple times or lived amongst them torturing their people. Would they forgive and offer kindness in the midst of being tortured? Would they sacrifice their children? Forgive them, Father, for they know not what they do? Would defending themselves have been justified? I am in a situation which continually taxes my soul. I am forced to continually send my child to someone who hurts her. I have sought justice, and have received none. I have prayed, sought counsel, fasted, wrestled for years desperately trying to do and to feel what is right. Never in my life would I have thought murder would enter my mind, and yet it has. I'm not saying I'm going to murder someone. i'm not. I'm just struggling with trying to know what is right. Of course I feel obligated and compelled to protect my daughter and I have done everything within the law that I can do. What now? How do I make my heart right with sending my daughter into danger just because the law says I have to? How do I feel forgiveness for a man who continues to hurt my child? How do I explain things to her? I love her, The Lord loves her, but we have to let her be hurt? I know that negative feelings can take away from the Spirit. I have tried to let it go. I know the Lord loves her and i have tried to leave it in His hands after all I can do, but it never feels like I've done enough. I have considered that perhaps this the test that my daughter and I will need to face together and overcome with faith. It doesn't sit right. She is not even five yet. She's my responsibility. She doesn't understand. What is right? I am interested in honest doctrine. I am desperate for what is 'right' and to reconcile myself with that. Counsel? (sorry so long)