doomadgee0

I am greatly saddened to hear your story. I was not brought up in the church, and live outside of the United States, where Mormons are considered a cult. I have read and heard much that is negative. Some of it is true. I also woke up one day 16 years ago in hospital and found that my testimony had gone. It has taken me many years to regain. When I tried to tell my husband in the early years, he was upset and unsupportive. Basically he did not want to know. That confused and hurt me. Our marriage has had more than a few ups and downs too. Be very careful not to compare your marriage to people around you. What you see at church is not what happens in the privacy of people's own homes. When you got married, you both covenanted to each other for this life and the next. I do not believe that you have failed. I am sure that one or both of you would have been doing as much as you could have done with 5 children at any given time. Hindsight is a wonderful thing. I believe that this is the time to show an outpouring of love to your wife. This is when she needs you the most. Please, I urge you to be supportive of your wife's feelings. I do not believe that your wife has changed, although I am sure that it feels like that. If she had, she would not be devastated by what has happened, but happy and excited. I know how traumatic it was for me. Take time to work through your anger and disappointment until you reach acceptance. Speak with your bishop, but let your wife know that his is something that you need to do for yourself. It would not be healthy for your wife to fake it. However that does not mean that she has to tell people. She may just quietly ask to be released from her calling. In the many years I struggled, I continued to go to church, although less frequently. Why did I do this when I didn't believe? In the world where I live, where 12 year olds are having sex, binge drinking and taking drugs, I still believed that the church was good for my family. The genuine people at church remained genuine, the stupid people stayed stupid, but the teachings continued to help our family, whether I believed or not. Do give your wife some time to mourn her loss. Continue with your own prayer, but do not expect or demand things change. Invite your wife to continue with FHE, Family council and prayer, but understand that she may prefer not to participate at this time. Unfortunately there will be people at church that may treat your family differently, if they find out. Remember that such judgements are not from God. When the time is right, discuss with your wife, how you will deal with this as a family, if or when this happens. Your true friends will continue to support your wife no matter how long it takes. Recently after 26 years of praying and searching I found a friend that had left home and church. Do I love my friend any less? Not at all. I would have killed a fatted calf! The bonus: I have my friend, and because I didn't judge and we are a meeting up and will be attending church together. Continue to be a faithful priesthood holder. And if you do anything, put your arms around your wife, kiss her gently and tell her that you still love her. Much love from our family to yours.