CassidyKM

Thank you so much for all of your advice! I live on a roller coaster ride. Some days are great and some days are horrible. He will not go to counselling, He doesn't want to burden anyone else with our problems. He feels that I have all the power to fix our marriage. All I need to do is invest more effort into our marriage, show him how I care, communicate and be more intimate with him. He does not believe he needs to do anything to repair our relationship. I have tried so many times to do that, but I always fall short. He is bitter, so when I kiss or hug him, he doesn't reciprocate. When I talk to him, he doesn't reply. That is so hard! I can't imagine ever doing that to him. He makes it very difficult to love him. This has been going on for a long time, I don't think he has ever liked the type of person I am and he wants to change things in me that can't be changed. When we were first married, I was a dumb young girl and promised him I would talk more, communicate better and be more outgoing. Well, now I know, that is just not in my nature. He tells me now that promises don't mean anything to me and I don't know how to keep them. I'm in a big mess. I've gone to the temple with this problem and fasted and prayed. I have received patience and strength far beyond my own to deal with my trials. I know that I am loved by my Heavenly Father and that He knows what I am dealing with. I need to work this out with His guidance and just know that my husband has his agency and I cannot change him.

Hi, I'm new to this but I don't know where else to go for good advice from non biased people. Everyone loves my husband. They think he is the greatest man that ever walked the earth and I don't want to ruin that reputation for him. He is very helpful to our entire ward and alot of members come to him for scouting help and home repair assistance and guidance. He has been highly influencial to many young men over the past 15 years. I don't want these boys to know how difficult he is to live with. So, here is my situation. We have been married for 30 years, our children are grown and married. He has always been pretty critical of me and he easily gets angry and says horrible things to me. I have tolerated it for a long time, but for the past few years it has gotten worse. I know he doesn't like to do anything alone so I'm always willing to be wherever he is whenever possibe. But, I've gotten to where I am nervous when we do things together because most of the time I end up making him mad when I don't read his mind. That's alot of the time bacause we work at the same place and both have callings with the Youth. We seriously are complete opposites, He is very social and easy to be around, I am quiet and don't have an easy time talking in a group of people. He tells me I have shown no effort in our relationship and he carries us both along. He talks about divorce and finding an apartment every day now. I kmow he is not happy with me at all and expects me to fix everything by changing how I am and investing more into our relationship. He doesn't listen to me. To him, every time I try to discuss our problems, I'm being defensive or playing the poor pitiful me card. I find it hard to explain myself to anyone but especially him. He makes me feel so low when we have an argument. He is emotionally abusive to me. He will tell me I'm dumber that a box of rocks or he'll say I guess we need to go back to kindergarten and explain this again. Really? I know he wouldn't talk to anyone else like that Ever!! He is the perfect Priesthood holder in public. It's so painfull to see him publically as the wonderful man I first fell in love with and in private he is a different person. I do not want to talk to our Bishop about this because he and his wife are our best friends. I know he deals with alot of painfull problems with ward members and I don't want to add to his burden by talking to him about how his best friend is difficult to live with. I make it a point to always be kind and not saying anything to him I would later regret. I really have no one to talk to about this issue. If we get a divorce, it will affect our ward, our friends, our family, our finances, our youth that think we are the perfect couple with a great celestial relationship to strive for. I have always been against divorce and felt it was the selfish way out and no one wins. Oh but this is getting really hard to deal with! Neither one of us is happy right now. I would rather live by mself than with someone that belittles me constantly.