So, I have a really hard time asking for help but while I was on my mission I was taught to allow those holding the Priesthood the chance to use that Priesthood to help me. That being said, I still have a hard time asking for Priesthood blessings and usually wait until I cannot handle whatever the situation is anymore to ask for a blessing. Normally when that happens I pray and ask Heavenly Father who He would have me ask. I would go to my father but is a convert and has never given a blessing before and has no desire to give one (if I ask, he'll call the missionaries). First, I felt like I was supposed to ask a close friend who had just received the Priesthood. I knew that he might not be comfortable giving it right away so when I asked I told him it was alright if he wasn't ready and that I could ask another person. He wasn't comfortable and since everyone else had already left I decided to wait to get a blessing. A while later I asked him again when I was struggling with my testimony and he said no. I asked another close friend and they said no as well. I lost it and felt like I was being denied blessings because I was not worthy to receive them. It took me a long time to gain a testimony back and learn to trust Heavenly Father again. Today, I was having a really hard time at church and cried through most of Sacrament, went to my car and cried during Sunday School, and after praying I felt like I needed to ask for a blessing. I felt like I should ask one of my new friends in the ward and actually felt mostly comfortable asking. He said no also and that he wasn't in the right mind to do it. It took everything I had not to burst out crying right there. I literally felt my heart sink as I felt like I was being denied again. He offered to go find someone else to do it but I couldn't take getting rejected again and I could already feel the doubt that I had tried to fight off come into my heart and mind again.
I guess what I'm trying to ask is is it me or them? Am I suddenly unworthy to receive Priesthood blessings? Or am I just having rotten luck getting someone to agree to give me one? And how can I not feel like I'm being shunned away from Heavenly Father when I am denied a blessing?
I don't ask for blessings often, I normally just have maybe 1 every 6 months and they've all been done by missionaries. I would ask the missionaries again but I keep getting a prompting to let the members do it and I keep getting denied when I do. I'm in a very small YSA ward and soon, I won't have anymore members to turn to and ask for one.
