LdsGuy555

Thank you for keeping things in perspective. I understand this isn't a completely fair discussion as she isn't here to defend herself. I will say this though. I am not perfect and I do not claim to be. Life can be rough for all of us. That is what we signed up for in the beginning. I understand that all I can change is me and my reaction to the things she does and says. I do want things to get better between us but my main concern isn't me and how much easier my life would be without this mess, my real concern lies with my future children. The things I have read scare me regarding mother's with the kind of personality disorder that I highly suspect she has. Their emotional needs will not be met at least by her. They begin to question if she loves her and why they are here. The same personality disorder she has is most likely to be inherited. And that's just the beginning. I know this sounds like I am overthinking things here. I am just concerned. And maybe like I have said, I just need to take a leap of faith and trust the Lord. But I also know that we need to do all that we can in order for that to happen. About leaving her, if course I do not want to do that. I still do love her and I am aware of the covenants I have made. I understand marriage isn't easy and I am not going to just bail at the first sign of friction or pain. I feel that I am not to have children now. I really want a family of my own. It is not a race but I see my younger brothers having children with their wives. I see how happy they are. I want that. And no it is not personal gratification, it is selfless because I want to give of myself to care for an innocent life I would help bring into this world. Anyways I feel that we aren't progressing. It's been about four years now and we're not getting any younger.

That is what I suspected and that is an excellent way of putting it!

No I wasn't. Things were much different when we were dating. It wasn't until after when life set in. She found out she had anxiety and her whole world started to end. Right now I think anxiety is the tip of the iceberg.

tl;dr Married, no kids yet. I want a family, but my wife is difficult to live with and has issues that may get in the way of her being a mother that can tend to a child's emotional needs. Read on for specifics. -- First of all, I want to start a family. I want children. However I want to do it right. I understand that no relationship is perfect and there is not perfect time to start having kids. We have been married for three years now and my younger brothers both have a baby / is pregnant. So my wife is a very nice girl who has good intentions. I still love her. However she is very difficult to live with. Here is a list of things that make me think that we aren't ready to raise an innocent child (no one item here is grounds to say that but the list as a whole may be) • She does not do well under stress. • Rarely has an opinion. • Doesn't react when I talk to her or even say anything to confirm she hears me. • She has a hard time starting projects on her own without the help of others. • Very immature • Lack of caring for others including myself (at least doesn't show or act) • Passive agressive • Skewed sense of reality • Misinterprets most of what I say to be negative • During normal conversation she asks why we are arguing/fighting and gets defensive, passive aggressive and hostile, accuses me of being mean and hurtful • Is always a victim • Oversensitive to criticism • Doesn't have passions and ambitions other than having a family. In fact she can be obsessive of the idea of having kids • Can't get a job • Doesn't try to get a job (even though she says she is) • Has next to no patience with myself with others and herself • Seems like she is sad a lot or depressed usually over circumstanses that she wished had been better (more friends, job, baby, money, etc) • Has general/social anxiety disorder • Cries excessively when we get into an argument or things don't go her way. • Resents her parents for never being there for her. • A lot of things are triggering and she holds a lot of anger over certain issues that have affected her adversely. • She gets very critical and defensive. • Has trouble seeing and valuing certain things as important. The list goes on. I feel that we can’t even solve basic things or make life decisions without a big fight. My thought is if we can't get the basics down, how do we expect to raise a child? We have been to numerous therapists, tried medications, etc about anxiety. Her therapist tells me it may be more than anxiety. I personally suspect bipolar disorder, avoidant personality disorder, or dependent personality disorder (nothing conclusive yet though). He says she has a lot of anger and hate inside of her. He recommends holding off on children until we resolve some issues first as they can have monumental consequences when raising a child. So what do I do? Wait it out and hope for the best? Take a leap of faith, suck it up and start a family? Sometimes I feel that the quickest way to starting a healthy family is with another woman, but I have been taught that divorce is not an option (as we have a temple marriage and have made covenants) and marriage is for better or for worse. I am very confused and feel the clock ticking. Any thoughts?