AnonBYUstudent

Resolved; I have an appointment to meet with the Bishop on Sunday and I was able to explain the need for abstinence to my girlfriend and she very lovingly agreed to be able to live up to that with me. Once she settles down a little here in a month from all her travels (and I'm less spiritually hypocritical) I hope to be able to share the gospel in it's entirety with her. Thank you for all your support, and pray for the best outcomes in her accepting the gospel please. I love this gospel, and know this is going to be difficult, but it'll be worth it.

Here is the story in a nutshell: I'm a BYU student with 2 years under my belt and 2.5 years to go. I'm an RM and endowed member. This summer I wasn't at BYU but rather was working at an out of state job that kept me working 7 days a week (meaning no church attendance for the whole length of the summer). During the entire summer I didn't pay tithing either, and slowly stopped reading the Book of Mormon as well. At the same time, I got a girlfriend (one of my co-workers) who is not a member, but basically what others would call a "dry mormon". We hit it off really well, and I very much love her and would love for her to be my wife someday. The only hangup is that I would like to share the gospel with her before that point because it's something important to me and something that I really want to share with the person that might be my lifelong (and hopefully eternal) companion. I honestly can't see myself being with someone else. Here's my difficult situation however: Just before I went back to school (she is remaining out of state, but we will be visiting once a month or more) we had sex. It was entirely consensual and I didn't regret it too much at the time, though I knew it was wrong (I'd say I was more or less spiritually desensitized). As soon as I got back to BYU again however and remembered what it meant to fully live the gospel/felt the spirit here and realized how far I had slipped (and how quickly) I felt (and still feel) very guilty. I'd like to talk to a Bishop because I still love her and want to make things right, and I know I can't honestly share the gospel from my current position but since I broke my temple covenants, it would seem that the most likely punishment would be disfellowshipment (or if more extreme, then excommmunication), either of which I would be willing to work through to come back to full membership. What that means however is that I would lose my ecclesiastical endorsement to BYU and could not come back until the end of my probationary period (if at all). Of that, and of the other potential consequences, I am terrified. I want to make things right, but I can't imagine having school postponed for an entire year (or indefinetely) and how I could possibly sort that out at all. Just looking for some help/advice/motivational support here and thank you for all your comments.