justme15

Listen, What i wanted to find out, to be straight forward, is this: what are the women of a pornography addict going through. I care about the men and what they are going through but that is not my topic at the moment. I have been through the addiction and know first hand what it does. My desire is to know what the women feel, need and desire. Please stop talking about the men and the addicts and start talking about the people that love them and how they are affected. That is my goal. That is my desire. They need a space as well.

Plainly put I want to know what women have to say on the subject. We need to hear what they are going through. I know there 12 step programs and groups to support the addicted. But we do not hear anything about what is happening to the loved ones of the addicted, specifically the women that are married to the addict. Through my experience they dont know what to do when confronted with this problem. They are affected emotionally, spiritually and in other ways. I dont know exactly but that is why their voice needs to be heard. When all sides are understood then the church will be able to help and that is when they can say more. Right now the talking is one sided. The women need to be heard and understood.

I dont believe that there is a safe place for people to come out and work on their addictions. The church has said things about it but that is why I want understand the womens view. The church talks about pornography and how it is bad and how we need to stay away from it. Most of these talks are focused on the men of the church. However, I believe that there are two "victims" in the addiction of pornography. My I use the word victim to describe a person who is caught up in the affects of pornography. The victims are the addicted (which are mainly male) and the wife. How is the wife afflicted? That is why there needs to be more dialogue. Every side needs to be heard in order for there to be true healing.

Ah - women as victims, not capable of dealing with issues as individual sentient adults. They require that others give them the tools to cope. Poor things. I agree with your sarcasm, Snow. It's all about the money to people who are in that industry. Women can make up their own minds about what they want to do. They are not victims, unless they are under 18. i have to disagree with this sarcasm. most women in this industry might have chose it, but those that work and recruite for this industry are cunning and there are those that get sucked in and don't know how to get out; they are victims. but i think the originator of this topic was more thinking of the women who are victims from their husbands or loved ones looking at it, not the women staring in it. having the ability to build a boat and the tools and know how to do so are very different. women have the ability, the intelegence and capacity to deal with any stress that comes into life, no matter how large; as do men. but that doesn't always mean we have the tools or the know how. if you've ever had a very difficult, emotional, situation thrown upon you in which you didn't have the imeadiate answer on how to approach it you know how frustraiting, depressing, debilitating, and numbing it can be. you end up in a place you can't get out of. the most brilliant of ppl end up sitting there helpless to do anything. if you bring ppl into the discussion BEFORE the situation arrises, give them the tools and the knowledge base then if/when it comes up they can rise above it, know how to respond and deal with the situation. you can give that information after the situation has arrived, assuming a depression hasn't set in that will prevent the ability to truely comprehend it all. maybe if we talked about different kinds of devistating issues before we are in them there will be more supportive appropriate responses than just tucking tail and running. women aren't dealing or coping with offenses from men, they are just divorcing them and hoping to find a better one out there (true in reverse as well). in my opinion that is what makes a victim, don't deal, just run and then blame it all on the other person. whatever happend to fighting for your marriage? bring it into the open, talk about it, talk about how to overcome, understand it inside and out; then if/when the situation arrises you will know how to respond, you can respond, you can act; with firmness and compassion; with support and boundries; you can together overcome and resolve the issue........or you can play the "independant woman" victim card and divorce. i do think there are times divorce is necessary or unavoidable, it does take two to make a marriage work and to fight for it; but i think all to often it is seen as a first resort rather than a last. I appreciate your insight ALmom. I to believe that there needs to be more communication about these types of issues. It is a problem that is devastating members of the church. The issue is not that the church has kept quiet but has not said enough. Plain stay away does not work for everybody. I am a convert to the church and know firsthand what it is like to be confronted with the no pornography card. Not everyone is raised in a family that holds the highest church standards and values. This is why there needs to be more dialouge between men, women and the authorities of the church. We must all do it together.

I have chosen the topic because I know that it is causing conflict for married people within the church. As members of the LDS Church we know why pornography is wrong, yet there is not enough being said or taught about how to help the wives of addicted husbands and how to help their husbands overcome the addiction of pornography. When a priesthood holder is addicted to pornography how does the wife feel? There is focus on the men who are addicted; however, there is a whole different group that is affected and suffering- the women, the wives. My goal is not to solve the problem of pornography but to bring to light a better understanding of the effects that pornography addiction has on the women in relationships with an addicted husband. Peace in the home can be found if the cycle of pornography and its effects are broken. I am specifically looking for narratives, stories, experiences and feelings of women who find or have found themselves in similar situations. However, all are welcome to respond. Thank you for your time

I am a senior at BYU. I am doing my senior research paper on how pornography is the objectification of women and how this objectification affects women in the LDS Church. I believe that the objectification of women and girls is becoming a phenomenon that will greatly affect our children and their children’s children. In the LDS Church we live by standards that help shape the rights and wrongs in our lives. We know that, for many reasons, the addiction of pornography and the selling and use of the body is wrong. We know why but we may not know how to stop this disease from spreading into our families and destroying our loved ones. Pornography is a problem and affects both the addicted and the addicted person’s loved ones. If we do not open the door to discussion and study then the problem will continue unabated. I believe that this is beginning to happen for men. In the past few years the topic of pornography has come up in General Conference talks, priesthood sessions and has been spoken of by leaders of the Church. Most of which have been directed toward men. However, women have not been given the necessary tools to deal with both their feelings and the anguish that occur within themselves nor do they know how to help or support their loved ones who are addicted. Simply put, women have not been invited into the conversation yet. It is true that the responsibility is on the perpetrator (in which most are men) to stay away from pornography and overcome the addiction to it. Nevertheless, there needs to be more thought and care put into how we approach and involve women on the subject. Plainly put, there needs to be more open dialogue about the subject of pornography because it is not going away. This is just a little of what I hope to accomplish with my study. I am specifically looking for narratives, stories, experiences and feelings of LDS women who find or have found themselves in similar situations. However, all are welcome to respond. Thank you for your time