DougKS

I live in the Greater KC area (Johnson County, Kansas). The church has purchased land in Johnson County over the past few years. It is in Lenexa, Kansas. We'll have to wait and hear the details. It is doubtful the temple will be built in Jackson County (Independence), Missouri.

I like you quote from Star Trek IV. I remember cracking up the first time I heard that. It reminded me of the Announcements for my first marriage. There was a typo and it said "Sealing in the Oakland LSD Temple"...lol

Thank you all for providing your feedback and stories. Pam, I am sorry your husband has lost view of what is truly important. I have been active in Father's Rights organizations, but changing laws and lobbying for modification in court procedures takes time. It is not uncommon for spouses to have differing views on parenting. Some differences may be minor, but others can be potential firestorms. It is hard to watch your children be raised with differing standards, but it is better to bite your tongue unless the children are in imminent physical harm. I strive to provide a place of peace and normalcy when they are here. I pray that estrangements will lessen as hearts soften. If you are the custodial parent, and the other parent has chosen not to be involved in their children's lives, pray that their hearts will change. Encourage your children to make phone calls or send emails. Refrain from making any negative comments about the other parent. The children are usually smart enough to see for themselves what is going on. I have met many men who weren't active in their children's lives while they were married, and the attitude continued in their divorce. I have met other men who have good hearts, but lack the skills needed to be good Fathers. If your ex falls into this latter category and you are on good speaking terms, provide some gentle training. For instance, let them know when their are important school or sporting events they should attend. It is a learning process for some men and some men need more time to come around. I love my children, here and in Heaven, and I pray they will always feel my love deep in their hearts. I pray they will be able to determine the truth of all things as they get older. I hope Priesthood leaders and Church members in general will reach out to both parties involved in divorce and encircle them with love, support and encouragement. Thank you all for being good friends.

Several years ago I went through my second divorce. It was a horrible, messy affair. After spending a year of intensive marital counseling with LDS therapists, we were unable to reconcile. I was determined to maintain close proximity to my children and to be as involved in their lives as I possibly could. My ex was determined to do the exact opposite. She intended to move away from me, alienate my children from me and do everything in her power to keep me out of their lives. In her words, she wished I would just die and never see the her or the children again. To the detriment of my spirit, my faith and my bank account, I discovered the court system, and unfortunately the local Church leadership has not caught up the the concept of father's rights. During our initial counseling sessions with our Bishop, he advised my ex to consider what would happen to the children without their Father and a priesthood holder in the home. She rudely replied, I didn't have a Father growing up and I turned out just fine. The Bishop patiently told her, "No sister, you didn't." My ex promptly moved out of the ward and away from me and our marital home. After several years of home studies, mediations, multiple unsubstantiated allegations and failed settlement offers, the court finally granted me a divorce. My parenting plan specified my visitation times with my children. After several more years of my wife unilaterally denying visitation, making the children unavailable to me, and obstructing telephone contact, I decided to take the matter to court, again. Previous calls to local law enforcement agencies proved to be futile. While the Court completely agreed my ex was guilty of obstruction of justice, contempt of court, parental alienation, and abuse of process by making unsubstantiated allegations, the Court did nothing. In the end I just spent thousands of dollars and received no justice. During a temple recommend interview, divorced Fathers are asked if they are current with all Court-ordered financial obligations. I assume the same question is asked to non-custodial Mothers, but I'm not sure. In addition to that question, I would suggest priesthood leaders ask if both parents are doing everything in their power to abide by the parenting plan set forth by the Court, and each parent is cooperating to jointly parent the children. What is the moral of this post? If you are a divorced parent, or contemplating divorce, I implore you to consider the children's best interests. No matter how you feel about you ex (or soon to be ex-spouse), they are still the child's parent. Children do not ask for divorce, so their suffering should be minimized at all costs. In an ideal world, both parents would continue to live in close proximity to each other and both parents would be highly involved in all aspects of their children's lives. No other new relationship should take precedent over the relationship between the child and their non-custodial parent. Consider, carefully, the impact it will have on your children if you remarry and add a step-parent to the mix. Avoid introducing your children to people you are dating until the relationship has become a long-term and committed. Never, and I repeat never move a significant distance away from the non-custodial parent for the sake of a new relationship. While I can understand the desire to move on and find love, as stated earlier, no new relationship should take precedent over the relationship between the child and their non-custodial parent. KIDS NEED DADS. Any thoughts to the contrary are devoid of the understanding of the family set out in the "Proclamation to the Family". Of course, there should be considerations made in the cases of mental, physical or sexual abuse, but for typical situations, I believe my advice stands. My faith in the Church and activity as never recovered from my experience. I hope no one has to suffer the pains I have. I have only touched the surface of my situation. There is more, too painful and too personal to relate in an open forum. Think twice before considering divorce, and if you are already divorced do everything you can to successfully co-parent your children with your ex-spouse. You can not force the other parent to become a good parent, but never take away their opportunity to be or to become a good parent. Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to share with you. Please heed my advice. Doug

Thanks for sharing your story. I know how difficult it can be to have a mixed-faith marriage. I'm glad to hear you and your husband are still together and can love each other and parent your children while agreeing to disagree about religion.