Again, I thank you for your insight and perspectives. Misshalfway: I appreciate your explanation of true devotion vs. 'going through the motions'. I guess I need to remember that there are people who choose to live this religion for their own personal convictions and not just because they were raised to do so. You are right about my parents as well. Unhappiness, as you stated, often "comes from incorrect thinking or behaving". I know neither of them blame their unhappiness on their choice to be sealed or the church. It makes me sad to think that they would stay in an unhealthy marriage because they are worried about what they won't have in the life after this. (this is by my mothers own admission, fearing the loss of that "forever family") I don't believe in a God that would deny someone happiness and peace in heaven for wanting the same on earth. (Albeit - their issues are far more complex - I hope that wouldn't be the deciding factor) Also, I thank you for assuring me that it's ok to doubt and question. I guess that is the way we learn, right? :) AutumnBreez: your statement of "serving two masters" hit me like a ton of bricks. Of course, it is one I grew up hearing, but never really realized that that is exactly what I do. My husband is very anti-mormon. It didn't start out that way, in fact, in the beginning he had been to church with me, taken discussions, supported me going, and had no problem with our children being raised with that influence. Of course, me being inactive and not living that lifestyle gave him ammo that he used against me constantly. I have spent the bulk of our 5 year marriage on the defense, for a religion that I myself have never had a strong testimony of. He was raised very strong evangelical christian, and all we can seem to agree upon are basic morals. He is very much removed from his religious upbringing and for lack of a better word, I would consider us both theistic, or even borderline agnostic. I love him and try very hard to keep the peace with him when it comes to religion, and hear him out on pretty much everything. In the meantime, I deeply desire a personal relationship with God and want to instill in my children that same desire. Thank you for sharing the story of your mom. I understand everyone feels a sense of obligation in one form or another. I depend on my husband financially and that is hard for me. The only thing worse in my book would be depending on him, or anyone else, for my spiritual needs. Thankfully, I still remember where my knees are :) Malcolm: Wow. You really hit the nail on the head. This may sound backwards, but nothing would make me happier that knowing the church was not true. I could go on happily with my life, one less burden removed from my marriage, and I could be on my way to rediscovering "truth". However, I live with the fear that it could maybe possibly be true - and that I have shut it out on purpose. I consider myself to be rational and reasonably intelligent, therefore I feel that my decisions should be based in fact and logic. I struggle with scientific evidence and historical facts. I don't think Joseph Smith was a prophet. I have never had a strong testimony of the church. I believe in God and that he desires good things for me. That's pretty much it. Haha - would it be ironic to be uncertain of the very existence of faith? (or just cynical...) What moved me most in reading these posts was your statement of who would be the one to instruct my children. All this time I spent worrying about them being indoctrinated with beliefs that are not my own, I have given them nothing. Although they are still very young, I know that it is important for me to be that influence, so I should probably bring something to the table! I have a lot to think about... and will. I thank you for your compassion and insight. To all - thanks again... B