prairiegirl

First of all--I'd like to thank those of you who were understanding--instead of lecturing. As stated in a post I read on a blog, being single in the church is often something that others try to understand when they have ABSOLUTELY no experience with it at all. So--first of all--I'm not single by choice--but because this is where the Lord has landed me. The Lord is very creative with our lives--so thus, this is where I am. I may have some of my own children some day--but likely it will not be because of a "marriage"--likely an adoption instead. Why? See previous statement. SOME of you obviously view this as arrogant or faithless on my part to say this--but YOU likely have no experience being a mid-single in this Church, and putting up with people like YOU. And you obviously MISSED the invisible "elephant in the room" within this Church. And that is that people TREAT you differently if you're single---mainly because they ASSUME things about you rather than truly get to know you!!! Many of your responses display such assumptions for sure! Third--I woke up Sunday morning--after pondering most people's response to my letter. There was a certain tone, a certain tone of "judgment" that I was pondering--that I noticed throughout most of your comments. I mean--especially the people who claimed that unmarried people in the Church are "outliers", that 95% of those who attend activities geared somewhat for children have children--and the others are just, what, "different"---someone even commented on here that the majority of single people are not comfortable around children--nor should they be (cause, remember Michael Jackson). Seriously people? Are we in the same Church??? Do we believe the same things? And I realized--that your "answers" or "responses" are a perfect example of the assumptive attitude I was commenting about IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!! Why, for example, do many members of the Church assume that 95% of those whom attend are married? I'll have you know that at the activity I had the experience I shared, only about 60% of those who attended had children of their own!!! Why, for example, do many members of the Church assume that those whom are single are "outliers"? Excuse me? At this time in the Church it is almost 50/50--50% of adults are married, and 50% are not. And, really, SHOULD there be "outliers" in the Church? I'll also have you know, that I and MANY of the single friends I have were raised faithful members of the Church, with dreams of families and large children. I was voted "most likely to have 12 children" by my high school peers. Life has just not worked out the way I "dreamed". I have 15+ years of experience with children. This does not make me "weird" or a "saint"--it makes me a typical Latter-Day Saint woman. I personally find those whom got married and now have 4 children, and NEVER had held a child before they had their first kid far more "weird" than me!!! Lastly--this is the thought that came to my mind right when I woke up Sunday morning: Did Christ point out to people He interacted with--whom He loved or wanted to show love to---what they didn't have--instead of who they truly were? Is that really an appropriate way to "give a compliment"? Did he point out to the woman who touched His clothing in order to be healed from her "issue of blood" that "Thank you for touching my clothing--even though you are not whole." ? Did he point out to the woman who was about to be stoned "Thank you for coming, but your are not pure?" NO HE DID NOT!!! Most of you assumed I was "royally" offended by what this woman said. No, I was not. She is a lovely woman--whom I think is very kind. I KNOW that she did not mean to say anything offensive. But, if you re-read what I asked originally, you will see that I asked about how to respond. Not because I was offended---but because I run into the same assumptive attitude many of YOU displayed within the Church on a regular basis, and it can be helpful to have a quick come-back--rather than standing there dumbfounded. Not so I can be rude back--but so I can leave with some dignity still in place. But then--based upon the majority of your responses, most of you must not know how it feels to constantly have it pointed out to you what you DON'T have by members of the Church--instead of them truly trying to get to know you (or then judgingly telling you that you are the one at fault cause you're the "outlier" or "weird" one). It is the assumptions that are the problem here--and educating people is the only way to get them to think differently--obviously--or I would not have to write what I'm writing now--cause the responses in this forum would not have been full of assumptions about single people without children. Oh--one last thought I had on Sunday morning....the only people Christ used to "point the invisible elephant out to"--or, in other words--the only people Christ used to point inappropriate "assumptive" judgments out to were His disciples when He was correcting their behavior--or the Pharisees and Saducces--usually because both groups of people were making assumptive judgments about others. Remember--it was a disciple whom Christ corrected and taught when the woman touched His clothing. It was the Pharisees/Saducces whom he corrected/taught with the woman who was about to be stoned. So--my question in response to those who made assumptions on this forum, in response to my question is: Which group do you belong to?

Okay-- So question for everyone: I am a early thirties single. I have a PhD. I taught school for 7 years prior to the Phd. I have been working with kiddos for 2 decades, literally since before I turned 10. I LOVE children. I'd love to have some of my own. Instead--I wait patiently (and sometimes impatiently) on the Lord--and spend as much time as I can squeeze out of my "breaks" with my nieces and nephew. I recently moved into a new Ward. Some of it has been good--other of it--I could do without. But--I went to the Trunk or Treat in Oct. It was freezing--but they did it outside anyway. A lovely lady in the Ward let me "borrow" one side of her trunk so that I wouldn't have to move my car. We had a lovely time --even in the freezing cold. I gave out most of my candy. It would be my only chance to do "trick or treaters" cause I was traveling the weekend of Halloween. One we were cleaning up, the nice lady looked at me and said "It's so nice of you to come to this, especially since you don't have children or anything". It was one of those moments where I was dumb struck--and couldn't figure out what to say in the right moment. I mean....I have taken care of more people's children than she could count on her toes and fingers! I cried some days when I had to send students on the bus--knowing their home situations. I cry now when I have to leave my niece and nephew. I'm searching anxiously for children to work with. I've senses this same type of attitude within the ward in general--as if I'm foreign to children. I mean--I told my bishop that 2 of my favorite callings were when I served in a Primary presidency, and in the nursery!!! So--how would you react? Why do people think this? Why is the automatic assumption (which I'm reading into her assumption here) that somehow, because I have a lot of education, that I CHOSE to not have children---and just come to such WARD activities to be nice or something? Seriously? Why do members of the church so often come to such assumptions? Why do they assume that I wouldn't have a grundle of children around me? I've followed the path the Lord has laid out--but my heart's desire is very different--even though I love what I do! Anyway--the one thing I think I should have said to her is "Well, this is a Ward activity, isn't it? And aren't we supposed to be a Ward family?" or something like that. I know she didn't mean to say something dumb and assumptive---but just bugs me! Any ideas?

Oh--I expected someone to say to get my VTing done--and I'm working on it. I just have literally not had time. I know this seems like a "lame" excuse....but in my line of work, time is a very precious commodity--of which I have very little of. There was a Mormon Times article about just this recently--and I totally know how the woman felt in that article whose VTeachers realized that she needed dinner brought in--and realized how great that was--cause it just saved her the time to make it so she could spend more time with her family.

Okay-- Don't know if I can explain everything--giving it justice. Basically goes like this: in 2 weeks I have to return to the new place I'm living, new job, new place to live--etc. after the Holidays. I left having received an answer to many a prayer--which has sent me in loop de loops--basically cause the answer was so surprising. Let's just say--I need to prepare for more change. This holiday season has been emotional (as many are). My mom has been in the hospital, has terminal cancer--saw her--but am now thousands of miles away. Many a family member (extended) has been ill this season. I'm now with my immediate family--and loving it (well, most of the time) as usual--especially around the children. But in 2 weeks I have to return--knowing that somehow--in the Lord's hand--this year is going to bring more change. Parts of the job are great! Parts--not so much. But--I'm surviving--literally. Plus--the new place I'm at is freezing cold, full of snow, blizzards, dark etc--and in the middle of nowhere. And--honestly--all I've encountered for the last 2 plus months is indifference from many--especially many in the ward. The RS president makes me feel like I'm a "burden". She bends over backwards when a new family moves in--but me--she complained that I never called her--"Or they would have brought in a meal" when I moved. I've mentioned more than once to her that I'd like help--nothing. I've been so swamped (with work and stuff)--I have had very little time to serve. To top it off--I know now that by this summer I'll be moving somewhere else--again--not sure where...but somewhere. I mean--it's not that there aren't those in the ward (mainly the other single adults) whom I enjoy being around. And I do try to go to things. But--the overarching assumption that somehow, as a single adult, I have "more" time--is incredibly annoying. I still don't have a calling....no home teachers....no visiting teachers (not that I've gotten my vteaching done either)... Anyway--prayer is helping--it really is. But--everything is just so uncertain right now....and I feel like most every real attempt I've made to connect with almost anyone there has gotten me no where. Plus--there is absolutely no one else single my age up there--at all! I'm beyond lonely--it's not that I'm not used to being alone---I am.... But I'm trying to pull myself up by my boot-straps here to get ready to face all this.... Anyway---I think I'm just looking for understanding--really. Perhaps advice--but really--just understanding. Sometimes it's nice to know I"m not alone.... And praying the Lord can convince those and influence those whom need it--to help the changes occur that His Spirit has been telling me to work toward...