Is this Christlike??

[RainofGold]

I guess this goes deeper than just the e-mail.

About three years ago my little brother (who is 30 years old) decided to come out and tell all of us seven sisters that he was gay. So you can imagine how many nieces and nephews he has, about 25 all together.

Well my son was only 10 and my daughter 13, my husband didn't want them to find out that their uncle was gay. He said that they were too young and it would be better to wait. When my brother found out that I was the only sister who hadn't told my kids he was very upset with me, I tried explaining the reasons why and he just acted hurt and misunderstood.

So I'm guessing that he took the e-mail more personal. I know is very complicated, his dad still doesn't know about it. Everyone thinks that he is too old and it would best not to tell him.

So is this a lot of drama or what? I guess this prop 8 has more meaning to some than others. But I still stand strong on voting yes on prop 8.

Rainofgold

[Elgama]

I ok I don't know if what I about to say will be offensive its not intended that way but your posts indicate to me and it may just be your style of writing that actually you are very angry with your brother and have some forgiving on your own side to do, a couple of your posts just feel like they are dripping with anger and hate like I say its hard to tell online. But you were thoughtless and whilst he has clearly hurt you in the past I do think a card, flowers, chocolates whatever would go a long way. You are not responsible for how your brother took it, or what he sent you, the way you worded one of your posts was like when my daughter says about her brother I had to kick him because he was slapping me etc - but you are responsible for your own anger and the insensitivity you showed him, I actually think although you are not unchristlike your thoughts and feelings are not being Christlike towards him. And I notice you have only thanked posts that agree with you. I am sorry if I have got more from your posts than you intended or was actually there but I also hope you wanted honest opinions because without them you won't repair things with your brother

Re explaining it to your kids I know its difficult I have a Father with 2 partners, a brother who has been through a couple of live in girls, will sleep with either sex and likes wearing makeup, a Lesbian mother who hates my husband and a homosexual bestfriend - I have opted to be honest with mine children imo prefer people to be honest with them - my daughter is 5 and admittedly a smart cookie, when she asked why my bestfriend didn;t have a wife we explained that we are Latter Day Saints and we understand what Heavenly Father wants for us and Latter Day Saints only ever marry as husband and wife. But Stephen was not a Latter Day Saint and didn't know as much about Heavenly Father as we did so he was looking for a husband. (we have civil partnership's) we also added we were lucky Stephen wasn't looking for a wife or I wouldn't have met her Daddy she seems to accept it - If you are not honest how will you invite your brothers partner along to things? or will you spend 30 years pretending he doesn't exist? and how will your kids feel when they find out they were the last to be told and it possibly won't come from you in a controlled way where you can explain our beliefs:? I just think you have potential for losing trust with your children, and teaches them you may not love them unconditonally or be embarrased by them when they make the wrong decisions, one of my parent has treated me honestly and the other hasn't guess which one I go to when I need help? My Mother has rejected my choice of spouse because he is A male and B LDS - she hates the fact my brother has girlfriends - on this one I understand your brother's hurt very much so. What you do with your children is your decision but doesn't change the fact whilst doing it your brother is hurt and with quite good reason - not just his choice but he has been rejected and treated like a dirty secret - both my parents treat my religious beliefs with embarassment and its horrible. Ellie knows that Granny doesn't speak to us right now because she is silly and doesn't like Daddy, she calls my brother's girlfriend his best bed friend - we also explained because we are Latter Day Saints we get married first etc

-Charley

Edited October 25, 2008 by Elgama

[RainofGold]

Elgama;276114]I ok I don't know if what I about to say will be offensive its not intended that way but your posts indicate to me and it may just be your style of writing that actually you are very angry with your brother and have some forgiving on your own side to do, a couple of your posts just feel like they are dripping with anger and hate like I say its hard to tell online. But you were thoughtless and whilst he has clearly hurt you in the past I do think a card, flowers, chocolates whatever would go a long way. You are not responsible for how your brother took it, or what he sent you, the way you worded one of your posts was like when my daughter says about her brother I had to kick him because he was slapping me etc - but you are responsible for your own anger and the insensitivity you showed him, I actually think although you are not unchristlike your thoughts and feelings are not being Christlike towards him. And I notice you have only thanked posts that agree with you. I am sorry if I have got more from your posts than you intended or was actually there but I also hope you wanted honest opinions because without them you won't repair things with your brother

Re explaining it to your kids I know its difficult I have a Father with 2 partners, a brother who has been through a couple of live in girls, will sleep with either sex and likes wearing makeup, a Lesbian mother who hates my husband and a homosexual bestfriend - I have opted to be honest with mine children imo prefer people to be honest with them - my daughter is 5 and admittedly a smart cookie, when she asked why my bestfriend didn;t have a wife we explained that we are Latter Day Saints and we understand what Heavenly Father wants for us and Latter Day Saints only ever marry as husband and wife. But Stephen was not a Latter Day Saint and didn't know as much about Heavenly Father as we did so he was looking for a husband. (we have civil partnership's) we also added we were lucky Stephen wasn't looking for a wife or I wouldn't have met her Daddy she seems to accept it - If you are not honest how will you invite your brothers partner along to things? or will you spend 30 years pretending he doesn't exist? and how will your kids feel when they find out they were the last to be told and it possibly won't come from you in a controlled way where you can explain our beliefs:? I just think you have potential for losing trust with your children, and teaches them you may not love them unconditonally or be embarrased by them when they make the wrong decisions, one of my parent has treated me honestly and the other hasn't guess which one I go to when I need help? My Mother has rejected my choice of spouse because he is A male and B LDS - she hates the fact my brother has girlfriends - on this one I understand your brother's hurt very much so. What you do with your children is your decision but doesn't change the fact whilst doing it your brother is hurt and with quite good reason - not just his choice but he has been rejected and treated like a dirty secret - both my parents treat my religious beliefs with embarassment and its horrible. Ellie knows that Granny doesn't speak to us right now because she is silly and doesn't like Daddy, she calls my brother's girlfriend his best bed friend - we also explained because we are Latter Day Saints we get married first etc

-Charley

Elgama,

I am not angry at my brother, he has done nothing to hurt me or my kids. We spend birthday parties together and our relationship is as good as it was before he became gay. We just don't believe the same things anymore. I have never condemned him for his his lifestyle, or tried to impose my beliefs on him. He grew up in the church and he served a 2 year mission, he went to BUY Hawaii so he has being surrounded by lds most of his life. There's nothing I can tell him about the gospel that he probably doesn't know.

I feel you are judging me for feeling different than you about certain issues. My son was told when he was 13 and my daughter 17 and I feel they were more mature to understand it, and they did. They love their uncle respect him and don't see him as the gay uncle, just their uncle.

As to have my brother and his partner over my house or to join them both for dinner is something that I am not ready to do. You and others are probably going to call me a gay hater for not accepting his lifestyle in my life. But this was his decision not mine, am I not Christ-like for not wanting to be part of that part of his life?

We all choose to react different, some of my sisters open their arms and their houses to both of them. (Their hearts are bigger than mine). They go out places together and that is okay for them. I'm glad that my brother has some of us that back him up the whole way. Am I an evil person for feeling uncomfortable to be part of it?

There is no anger in me, I don't see where you are reading it. We are a very close family, I practically raised my little brother and love him dearly. Do I pray at night for him to return to church? Of course I do. Just like I pray for my husband to become a member of the church someday. I love my husband, even though he doesn't believe in the same things that I do. If he wants to have a drink when we go out for dinner, do I have one so I wont hurt his feelings? No I don't. I respect his decisions just like he respects mine. When he chooses to go and see a rated R movie that I know is not appropriate, I don't go with him and he doesn't get upset with me he understands. See, I want to be part of my husbands life, but when it goes against my beliefs I don't take part of it. Its the same with my brother, I love him but I'm not going to be part of his lifestyle just because I don't want to hurt his feelings. I am being honest and I also don't intent to hurt or offend anyone with this post, if I do I apologize in advance. Just being truthful.

Rainofgold

Edited October 25, 2008 by RainofGold