Do I Stay Or Do I Go?

[Guest Taoist_Saint]

Originally posted by john doe@May 31 2005, 04:57 PM

Now here's what rubbed me the wrong way. During this whole episode in which I made a pretty benign comment on the way this person treated others here, not one of the other members of this board, which proclaims to espouse basic LDS standards of decency and respect for others, even bothered to stop and stand up for those standards. Not one.

This was the exact same reason I almost left a few weeks ago.

I was defending the decisions I made in my own life against Amillia's consistantly harsh words. Maybe I deserved it because I had written a few "anti" style posts. But even after I apologized for my "anti" behavior, I continued to have insults thrown at me.

Not that I can't stand up for myself, but it was very annoying to keep reading the insults every day.

No one spoke up to support me (exept Jason I think).

Jenda did finally intervene, and I thank her for that. But it would have been nice if other people would have spoken up and told Amillia that her behavior was unacceptable.

Sure we have moderators, but to some degree, we are "policing" ourselves...and that is great!

Although LDS and Non-LDS will debate things, they can still can keep a sense of solidarity alive on the board by being decent human beings...and LDS and non-LDS can both stand up for each other when someone is violating the rules of basic human decency. This has happened in the past, and it is one of the things I love about this board.

Unfortunately, during my bad experience, and John's bad experience, the self-policing failed. People seemed to not care, and just stay out of those threads. I guess I don't blame them...who really wants to join a fight?

But I think we should encourage people on the board to stand up for each other when someone starts insulting someone. The Moderators will sometimes overlook things for awhile, and then it is up to us to stop this behavior.

[Guest lt]

JonhD,

My response for being kind was not for you.....Mine was for the other person to whom I thought made a rude remark tords you....I hope you didnt take that for you......As for my response to this post....Its about time more members want a better board.....You can still have fun, while keeping the goodness of the spirit with us. We have had some rocky roads on this board, but I believe more people are being kinder now and more compassionate and hopefully it will continue to get better...This is still an ldsboard, the spirit should follow up ever where even places members cannot see us, because the lord still can.....

Just a thought

And JohnD, I would truly miss ya if you went

AKA LaurelTree

P.S.S......

Taoist,

She's laughing.......but if her looking as if she is constipated makes you laugh, I have done my deed for the day, because my goal is just to make people know they are loved and to bring a smile to there face....I was hoping her giggle would do it though.

[Guest Taoist_Saint]

Originally posted by Heavenly_Homemaker@Jun 1 2005, 04:37 PM

Taoist,

She's laughing.......but if her looking as if she is constipated makes you laugh, I have done my deed for the day, because my goal is just to make people know they are loved and to bring a smile to there face....I was hoping her giggle would do it though.

I think someone else asked if she was constipated, not me...

Setheus maybe?

It made me laugh too

[john doe]

John, I am not sure what you are looking for but it feels like you are leaving us with an ultimatum. It seems that this rude poster might have hurt you and that you feel that if we don't choose your side that he has won?

Ultimatum? Not really. I just want to know what kinds of behaviors the members here want to put up with. Hurt me? I don't think so, but it would have been nice to know that I wasn't the only one who thinks this guy went too far.

Lindy-- I agree we should try to be tolerant of others' shortcomings and failures, but this guy was purposely being a jerk, and you and I both know it. He came right out and acknowledged that he was doing it. And yes, I also agree we shouild try to extend a hand of love and friendship to those who may not live the way we think they should, but at the same time, how long do we let a child poop on the kitchen floor before we say enough is enough? There are times and places for those sorts of things and behaviors, there are plenty of websites for people to go who want to act like that, in fact I sometimes visit them, but I believe that this message board at least sets out to try to set a higher standard of communication between people with similar interests. I would like to believe that this website wants to different from those 'say anything you want, insult anyone or thing you want, it's all good' sites. I want my children to be able to look over my shoulder and see how decent grownups interact.

TS-- Hey, we finally agreed on something! let's not stop now, let's find more we have in common. As to the Amillia situation, I agree she somehow got a bur under her saddle for you, but I also think it was at least partly egged on by you, and Jason wasn't helping in his digs back at her. She probably felt you two were singling her out, and freaked out. Considering her past incarnations' behaviors, it was not unforseen when she blew up.

I probably will stick around for awhile since the results show that clear majority of the voters want me to stay. But I will say that in the future, I am reticent to engage with someone who is willing to break the written and unwritten rules of decency if I don't feel anyone has my back. I guess I HAVE learned a lesson in all this, and that is that sometimes no one cares if the bull gets loose in the china shop. After all, it's not My china shop, is it? In the future I'll wait for someone to be offended enough to ask for help on an issue before I stick my nose where it may not be wanted.

[StrawberryFields]

This is where I believe this problem started and you were not there John. Like I said earlier in this post, I know just enough about USN to know that he a little "out there" at times. His statements were just stupid to me until he personally attacked members of our board. Lindy and I are great friends and at that time I notified her to look into USN she did with a PM as she indicated in her message in the first post. I then recognized USN to be "TROLLING" and suggested that we IGNORE him which I took my own advice and "checked out" of the "debates". It was not until yesterday when I was talking with Lindy on MSN, that I found the second post below.

Just a Question

http://www.ldstalk.com/forums/index.php?ac...t=ST&f=7&t=4732

Just another question

http://www.ldstalk.com/forums/index.php?ac...t=ST&f=7&t=4749

John, not every member reads every post. The above post was very important to you, important in the fact that you felt deserted by your friends and fellow member who want the same thing as you want. I also have important posts which mean a lot to me; those posts include information about my son. There have been many times that I have posted information that was important to me to only have a handful of people reply. Have I been hurt to not feel supported by others who I thought should pipe in... maybe a little but that is just life. I even posted something about Nick being alive being a Miracle at a very fragile time for me only to be shot down by some.

You are right John; this is not our china shop. This is a message board open to anyone who wants to drop by. Some read, some post and some just choose not to support us at times, but that has to be okay or we open up ourselves to hurt.

[john doe]

I think we may be talking past each other, SF. I think you're comparing apples to grapes, and everyone should know that my apples are better than your grapes. But thanks for trying to understand where I am coming from, at least.

[huma17]

john d-

I'm sorry that you felt the way you did - that nobody cared enough to defend your stance for a better board - I understand your frustration. It does seem somewhat strange that members spoke up in this thread, but not the other (me included).

Now, I can't speak for anyone else, but I would like to explain why I wasn't there for the previous thread. I don't frequent this board very often anymore, and I can go over a month, or so, without coming here. When I do come, I will respond to something that peaks my interest. I wish I had visited earlier, so that perhaps I would have read the thread in question. I can tell you, though, that had I seen what you are talking about, I would definately have spoken up. If you're unsure as to whether I am speaking truthfully or not, you can read through my posts - it will clearly show that I do not shy away from things I think are in error.

I tend to go the FAIR regularly, but come back here because it was my first pro-LDS board. I was born to religious MB's when I stumbled upon the exmo board. I loved going there - I was addicted! After awhile, though, I wanted to go to some boards that were pro-LDS, and I found this place first (getting banned from the exmo board more than once helped push me to look for something else - while I love to debate, I have realized that most people on the exmo board do not like to be challenged). Anyway, you can always try FAIR (if you haven't already), because the moderators there are quick to rid the board of those who are being rude and obnoxious (they do, however, allow alot of exmos and nevermos to state their opinions - as long as it isn't disrespectful).

[john doe]

Actually, I DO visit FAIR regularly, and even post there once in a while under a different username than I use here. FAIR is pretty even-handed when it comes to keeping people in line, and I appreciate that. They even have a section for fellowship only, no debate allowed, and I think that is a great part of their site. It's just that I've been there and done that with the whole anti- thing and I just don't see the point in watching the anti's continually trying to come up with a new way to twist the same old arguments over and over. There is very little new for them to discuss, and they rarely will admit when they have gone over the edge in their hatred of the church or religion in general.