Husband And Wife Are One. Believe It?

[Guest LDSister]

Originally posted by Fiannan@Nov 18 2005, 12:09 AM

While we're on the subject, a thought occurred to me...how did one's needs get met when men were called on missions, which lasted years in many cases? Did the couple each resort to having affairs? Was there such a thing as pornography in the early days of the church? Or did they become bisexual, to satisfy their appetites while the couple was separated by time and distance?

Oh...the Freudian in me is asking what nerve in the subconscious did I zap for that thought!

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_______________________

You don't have to be a rocket scientist to figure out that you brought up the subject.

[Guest LDSister]

Originally posted by Outshined@Nov 18 2005, 06:49 AM

Yes, it looks like you hit quite a nerve with the subject in general.

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_________________

Apparently so, 'cause nobody answered me. lol

[eleigh1977]

BUMP UGLIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Are you freaking kidding me??????????

US...man alive, that is the biggest turn on statement, E-V-E-R!

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I am not sure how I feel about this submission thing...because we know the bible has been translated by men. I also know that men are generally more sexually driven than women. Then I have to wonder if this is truly what Paul/God intended....OR is this some interpretation some horny man made of the whole one flesh thing.

Bottom line....it boils down to intimacy. I think a lot of people in todays world have absolutely NO idea what true intimacy is. They've been hurt or whatever, and they can't get close. Sex..then becomes a chore for a lot of females. It just does.

Speaking as my own woman, I believe when intimacy is not fostered...and men just ask for sex...it is going to make a woman shut down. (okay not all women...but I know a lot of them who feel this way.)

I personally could see myself having sex EVERY day, maybe twice...if my husband would foster more bouts of intimacy with me...holding my hand...being interested i what I have to say, even if it's just fluff talk.....whatever. I have a very good husband...and we are probably together in the biblical sense more than most married couples we know. I also have diabetes, which seriously affects my sex drive from time to time. The times when he has paid extra attention to my needs and not been all heathen in his approach to needing sex...he freely admits I am far more open and willing....however when I am approached as though I am just an object...the likely hood of having sex is about 50% At that point it truly depends on my mood.

I know for both men and women...if we pay attention to the needs outside of sexual gratification....the ebb and tide of sex will gratify both parties in a marriage. It's the consideration, kindness and charity we need to work on in our marriages to make them work. There are couples who cannot have sex....for one reason or another and they have fabulous marriages.

I have thought about the 'one flesh' statement for a very long time and I believe it entails a unity in so much more than just the sexual aspect of a marriage.

That being said...if either party w/in a marriage denies on a continual basis....it isn't sex issues...it's intimacy issues. They need counseling. I would never ask my husband to move out of our bedroom...though I do ask him for a night of uninterrupted sleep once or twice a week. I am witchy with a b when I don't get enough sleep. He understands that and obliges. I also understand that he has needs...and I help him to fufill them, even when I am not completely invested or even in the mood. There has to be give and take.

It is about communication and we can't judge another couples approach to their own sexuality. Each marriage is different.

I do agree no woman should be forced...nor should any man (which does happen people!). I do think both people are obligated to do what it takes to make both people happy in the marriage. If the man wants it every day....the woman wants it once a week...then say three times should suffice. It's meeting in the middle...and obviously, there was no pun intended in that last statement.

[Guest Member_Deleted]

eleigh1977,

As usual your wisdom astounds me. You have very clearly stated the entire deal in a most wonderfully encompassing way. You left nothing out!

Intimacy... wow... you hit it on the nail... I guess I am one of the lucky ones who has a husband (well trained by me LOL) who knows intimacy is key ...

I love the way you brought all the necessary elements into this issue...i.e. UNITY!!! body mind and spirit... and emotions...

It really isn't all about sex... but about total intimacy.

I also loved the perfect description "...and not been all heathen in his approach to needing sex..." of some approaches men have...

My laws woman you are the best!!!

Hey people... I recomment this post of ELEIGHs' seriously.... It needs to be published by a couple of magazines a million times a year.... LOL

[Guest LDSister]

What Wives Expect of Husbands by Brent A. Barlow

1. Communicate by both talking and listening

2. Express love by both word and action

3. Express affection for his wife

4. Be active in rearing the children

5. Help his wife attain spiritual goals

6. Willingly help around the house

7. Help his wife attain sexual satisfaction

What Husbands Expect of Wives by Brent A. Barlow

1. Express love by both word and action

2. Help her husband attain spiritual goals

3. Support her husband in all his responsibilities

4. Help her husband attain sexual satisfaction

5. Communicate by both talking and listening

6. Be patient

7. Have high self esteem

Someone once said that a woman gives sex to get love; a man gives love to get sex.

It surprises me that there is so much "scorekeeping" in marriage. Shouldn't lovemaking be spontaneous? Keeping a quota of "how many times per week", it becomes just another additon to the Things To Do list. Sex then becomes mechanical, rather than a spiritual bonding.

[Guest Member_Deleted]

More great wisdom.... no score keeping... if expecially good in more than just ehe area of sex...

[eleigh1977]

LDS Sister...I agree...

I don't think there should be score keeping. Unfortunately there is, in a lot of marriages.

I do think couples should talk about what they feel is appropriate. ONLY I would hope that the do this before marriage. ;-)

I also have gotten to the point when I just say to my DH...hey I need a Hug! I don't make him guess what I need anymore...and he tells me as well.

[Guest LDSister]

Originally posted by eleigh1977@Nov 18 2005, 12:39 PM

LDS Sister...I agree...

I don't think there should be score keeping.  Unfortunately there is, in a lot of marriages.

I do think couples should talk about what they feel is appropriate. ONLY I would hope that the do this before marriage. ;-)

I also have gotten to the point when I just say to my DH...hey I need a Hug!  I don't make him guess what I need anymore...and he tells me as well.

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_________________

Aren't we all so smart?? lol

I think we could solve everyone's problems with all of our infinite wisdom. Hehe

Seriously, thank you, and you said so many important things in your earlier post.

[Outshined]

Originally posted by LDSister+Nov 18 2005, 07:49 AM-->

<!--QuoteBegin-Outshined@Nov 18 2005, 06:49 AM

Yes, it looks like you hit quite a nerve with the subject in general.

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_________________

Apparently so, 'cause nobody answered me.

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Actually it was Fiannan's subject, and he is the one who seems to have hit a nerve with members here.

[Guest Member_Deleted]

Originally posted by Outshined+Nov 18 2005, 01:29 PM-->

Originally posted by LDSister@Nov 18 2005, 07:49 AM

<!--QuoteBegin-Outshined@Nov 18 2005, 06:49 AM

Yes, it looks like you hit quite a nerve with the subject in general.

←

_________________

Apparently so, 'cause nobody answered me.

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Actually it was Fiannan's subject, and he is the one who seems to have hit a nerve with members here.

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And gone silent as well...hmmmm

[Outshined]

Originally posted by Please@Nov 18 2005, 01:52 PM

And gone silent as well...hmmmm

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Well assuming he actually supports his family, I would assume he's at work...

[Guest LDSister]

Originally posted by Outshined+Nov 18 2005, 01:29 PM-->

Originally posted by LDSister@Nov 18 2005, 07:49 AM

<!--QuoteBegin-Outshined@Nov 18 2005, 06:49 AM

Yes, it looks like you hit quite a nerve with the subject in general.

←

_________________

Apparently so, 'cause nobody answered me.

←

Actually it was Fiannan's subject, and he is the one who seems to have hit a nerve with members here.

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______________________

Thank you, Outshined. :)

[Outshined]

A couple that does not communicate is on the road to failure, which is why the Church has always counseled that we make our spouses' happiness paramount in the relationship. If she's working to make him happy and he's working to make her happy, there should be few problems.

This thing of separate bedrooms is a big red flag for a divorce.

[lisajo]

OHHHHHHH Jinkies does this mean i cant kick him to the couch anymore when he snores?????????????????

this whole Topic is turning me off..............

BLA BLA BLA BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!

[Outshined]

Originally posted by lisajo@Nov 18 2005, 02:45 PM

OHHHHHHH Jinkies does this mean i cant kick him to the couch antmore when he snores?????????????????

this whole Topic is turning me off..............

BLA BLA BLA BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!

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[Guest Member_Deleted]

Originally posted by Outshined@Nov 18 2005, 02:40 PM

A couple that does not communicate is on the road to failure, which is why the Church has always counseled that we make our spouses' happiness paramount in the relationship. If she's working to make him happy and he's working to make her happy, there should be few problems.

This thing of separate bedrooms is a big red flag for a divorce.

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Actually... my husband and I had separate bedrooms... for a while... I had insomnia... and he wasn't getting any real sleep....

So after we had our time together and were ready to really sleep... he would go to another bedroom where he could get a good nights rest... I had insomnia for about 8 years... I have finally conquered that... and we only have one room between us now...

So I think we need to not just jump to conclusions... we need to know the why....

[Outshined]

Originally posted by Please@Nov 18 2005, 02:53 PM

Actually... my husband and I had separate bedrooms... for a while... I had insomnia... and he wasn't getting any real sleep....

So after we had our time together and were ready to really sleep... he would go to another bedroom where he could get a good nights rest... I had insomnia for about 8 years... I have finally conquered that... and we only have one room between us now...

So I think we need to not just jump to conclusions... we need to know the why....

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That's a horse of a different color ( just a turn of speech, not an implication about your possible snoring). The example given was a couple sleeping separately for different reasons, "no night visits".

Couples who can't communicate and are incompatible sexually are not likely to make it work; not happily, at least.

[Guest Member_Deleted]

Couples who can't communicate and are incompatible sexually are not likely to make it work; not happily, at least.

I agree with this... :)

[Justlooking]

The best way to know what to do in life is to check the scriptures.

God put us on this green earth to love eachother and be kind to one another.

Marriage is a sacred bond between a man and a woman.

Eph 5:21 Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.

for the women:

Eph 5:22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.

for the men:

Eph 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

Eph 5:28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. 29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:

Its a two way street.

Eph 5:31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.

Getting married and not taking care of your partners needs be it physical, emotional, spiritual, or psychological, is like adopting a pet and never wanting to feed it, water it, walk it, take it to the vet, play with it, etc... and then wondering why one day its either bites you, runs away, or dies.

Eph 5:33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife [see] that she reverence [her] husband.

[Guest LDSister]

Originally posted by Justlooking@Nov 19 2005, 12:25 PM

The best way to know what to do in life is to check the scriptures.

God put us on this green earth to love eachother and be kind to one another.

Marriage is a sacred bond between a man and a woman.

Eph 5:21 Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. 

for the women:

                      Eph 5:22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. 

for the men:

                  Eph 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; 

                  Eph 5:28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.  29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: 

Its a two way street.

                    Eph 5:31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. 

Getting married and not taking care of your partners needs be it physical, emotional, spiritual, or psychological, is like adopting a pet and never wanting to feed it, water it, walk it, take it to the vet, play with it, etc... and then wondering why one day its either bites you, runs away, or dies.

Eph 5:33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife [see] that she reverence [her] husband.

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___________________________

The problem isn't the scriptural references; it's the misinterpretation thereof.

Some may misconstrue "submitting" as meaning "sex slave".

[Justlooking]

Originally posted by LDSister+Nov 19 2005, 12:37 PM-->

<!--QuoteBegin-Justlooking@Nov 19 2005, 12:25 PM

The best way to know what to do in life is to check the scriptures.

God put us on this green earth to love eachother and be kind to one another.

Marriage is a sacred bond between a man and a woman.

Eph 5:21 Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. 

for the women:

                      Eph 5:22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. 

for the men:

                   Eph 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; 

                   Eph 5:28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.  29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: 

Its a two way street.

                    Eph 5:31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. 

Getting married and not taking care of your partners needs be it physical, emotional, spiritual, or psychological, is like adopting a pet and never wanting to feed it, water it, walk it, take it to the vet, play with it, etc... and then wondering why one day its either bites you, runs away, or dies.

Eph 5:33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife [see] that she reverence [her] husband.

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___________________________

The problem isn't the scriptural references; it's the misinterpretation thereof.

Some may misconstrue "submitting" as meaning "sex slave".

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Neither in the party may abuse the other, however who says that its the man who always has the higher libedo?

1Cr 7:3 Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. 4 The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. 5 Defraud ye not one the other, except [it be] with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.

[Guest Member_Deleted]

Good points... from all posts... now party time!!!! Go and do likewise...