Helping your child develop a testimony

[mdacademy]

Hi Everyone,

I hope I do this right and don't mess anything up but I need help with my 12 year old son and don't really know where to turn. I'm a semi-active LDS married middle age lady. I admit to having problems with some issues such as polygamy and some priesthood stuff but I have always taught my children to love God, obey the commandments, pray reugulary, have FHE, attend church, give service as you can and to never make a decision that slams a door. For instance, I tell my 21 year old, lovingly, that although he might not feel close to the church now and might think he will NEVER go on a mission, he should live his life in such a way that if, at some point, he changed his mind, that would still be an option. Now our second son, who does have oppositional defiant disorder, is angry that he is not allowed, at this time, to have the Aaronic priesthood but states that he doesn't believe in God, the church or anything. I have try hard to have low key simple discussions with him, where I bare my testimony and let him know that this is a journey, that everyone questions things at some time in their life and that we are willing to help him on this journey. We have told him that no matter what he decides for now, we will ALWAYS love him. He is extremely bright and knows all the "correct" answers but doesn't seem to ever feel the spirit. I know he was disappointed when he was baptized. For some reason he felt there would be a major personal confirmation of everything. I don't know if he expected God to come down and personally witness to him or what. We have tried to explain about listening to the still small spirit that speaks to us but he seems to expect some giant miracle. I guess my question is, how do we teach someone who knows all the correct answers to actually feel the spirit? Any help would be appreciated.

Thanks, and I hope I did this correctly and haven't done anything wrong in asking this.

madacdemy

[JudoMinja]

Hmmm... All I can think of is to do something with him that will invite the spirit and then ask him- "Feel that? That's the still small voice." An example might be taking him out to do some selfless service for someone.

[qedd]

I've been thinking about your situation all day. Having been an adolescent that was frequently oppositional and defiant, the following are a few questions that have come to mind:

1. Is your 12 year-old angry about being denied the Aaronic priesthood simply because he was denied, or does he really want the priesthood for unselfish reasons?

2. Is he stating that he does not believe in God and/or the Church simply out of defiance, or because he truly does not believe in such?

3. Why did he think there should have been an earth-shattering confirmation of everything when he was baptized? What are his expectations and where do they come from?

4. What is it he opposes? Why is he defiant? Have authority figures somehow let him down in the past?

I'm not sure that you would have the answers to these questions. You may have asked them of yourself already.

I don't have any real advice for you other than for you to keep loving your son. Make sure you tell him and show him that your love for him is unconditional. Also, never underestimate the value of example. They are always watching and learning from you -- what you say, but mostly what you do or don't do. Practice what you preach. If you want him to be an active church-going young man with a positive attitude, then make sure you set the example by being an active church-going woman with a positive attitude.

We have tried to explain about listening to the still small spirit that speaks to us but he seems to expect some giant miracle. I guess my question is, how do we teach someone who knows all the correct answers to actually feel the spirit?

I don't believe you can teach someone to feel the spirit. To draw an analogy, I would never be able to teach my children what a warm summer day feels like -- it is something that has to be experienced. All I can do is teach them what they have to do to prepare for the experience (i.e., where and when to go). Ultimately, opening himself up to feeling the Spirit is something he has to do.