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JudoMinja's Achievements

  1. I'm finally back on LDS.net! We've been in Kentucky for almost two months now, and man has it been an interesting ride. My parents didn't get to move into their house right away and the apartment I had lined up fell-through, so we were all stuck living in a hotel room together for about three weeks. And I am currently living in my parents house while I try to get my own place. Rentals are extremely few and far between here, so I'm working on looking for a place to buy.... Yikes! First time even thinking about buying a home, but I qualify for a USDA Rural 100% finance loan and I can afford a decent 2-3 bedroom place, so it should be another month or so before I'm in my own place. My parents had internet up in their place right before the holidays, but with all the excitement of moving, and the new job, and then family coming to visit, I kinda put coming back on here on the back burner. So far though, I'm loving it here. We have a very small branch, but everyone is soooooo friendly and outgoing and helpful. My mom is being called as the Relief Society President tomorrow (shhh, I'm not supposed to know ), and my name is in for a calling- I don't know what yet, just know they told her no when she requested me as a counselor because they already had something in mind for me. My son is one of five other children in the nursery, my two brothers increasing the youth by 1/3 it's original size. We have no Elder missionaries, but the Sister missionaries and Senior missionaries have been over for dinner and to help out several times, along with the Branch President and some other members. I was given a solo to sing in the Christmas program and ended up tearing up halfway through the last verse, but looking out at the pews about half the congregation had teared up with me and they all commented on how they felt the spirit, so I wasn't too embarrassed. And I'm fitting right in at work, keeping busy and getting more and more responsibilities. They're already talking about the possibility of a raise in pay. The town here is small, but not too small. We have a Walmart, but no local book store. I had to order the most recent release of my favorite book series online so I wouldn't waste an hours worth of gas just to drive to a place I could get it. There's someone with a few horses right up the street from us (within walking distance), and tons of farmers. Lots of wide open space, trees, green grass, dogs, deer, parks, etc. And we even got a bit of snow for Christmas. Anyway, just wanted to drop in with an update now that things are starting to really feel settled, and I plan on getting on here occaisonally to bring my two-cents back to the discussions. I missed you guys!
  2. Well, I'm about to head back to my apartment to finish packing and should be on the road again tomorrow. Hoping we all get there safely and things go smoothly. I'm not sure how long it will be before I have internet up and running again, but once I do I will check back here to let you guys know how things are going in Kentucky.
  3. I'm making a note here: HUGE SUCCESS. It's hard to overstate my satisfaction. Aperture Science: We do what we must because we can for the good of all of us except the ones who are dead. But there's no sense crying over every mistake You just keep on trying 'til you run out of cake And the science gets done and you make a neat gun for the people who are still alive. ...... Something is wrong with me. I should not have been able to write all that from memory..... o.o
  4. I think the "good, better, best" concept applies here. Doing what is righteous should always take priority in our lives, no matter what. But there are many things that fall under the "good, better, best" category that would be considered "right". In those cases, we need to use our good judgment in determining whether or not the deed takes precedence over a spouse, family, or anything else for that matter. What may be the proper way to handle it for one couple will be totally different for another couple, depending on their circumstances.
  5. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being comfortable being single! If marriage is something you eventually want for yourself, I wouldn't give up on it entirely, but you don't need to put so much focus and emphasis on it that you feel more and more miserable the longer you remain unmarried. What your last boyfriend said: "You are not the one. This is not the narrative that will eventually make me happy." is reflective of an attitude that has become far to prevalent in the world, and especially the church. I used to think this way myself, and it shapes the way we approach dating, but it is all wrong. Let me explain: First of all, there is no "the one". We should not be on a quest to find "the one", because that is a fantasy that just doesn't exist in the world. There will be no chiming bells, no special obvious feeling that tells us "Yes, that's the one", no unique spark, no perfect complementary fit to your character. Movies have robbed us as a culture of an understanding about what love really is. "True love" is not finding that one special someone who just happens to be your perfect match with whom everything will work perfectly. True love is giving of yourself selflessly to another, even though neither of you are perfect and you may not always get along. True love is sticking with that someone through thick and thin and holding true to your commitments. Secondly- we should not go into a relationship expecting the other to make us happy. Happiness comes from within, and nothing will bring someone the happiness they are looking for if they continue to leave the control of that happiness with something outside themselves. This is why it is okay to be single- you don't need a partner to be happy. You don't need a partner to live a fulfilling life. Marriage is not "happily ever after", and you don't need to hold off on allowing yourself happiness. In fact- working on yourself and striving to do those things which will foster happiness within yourself is exactly what will prepare you to truly be ready for a partner, because you will be making yourself whole and capable of giving to enrich the life of another person. I think we could probably attribute at least half the marraige problems we see today to people who married with a false ideology embedded in their minds, and when things didn't work out the way they expected they felt tricked or duped and start thinking they must have made a mistake in who they chose, because if it was "the one" and if it was "true love" things would have gone more smoothly. But the problem isn't that they made a wrong choice. It is that they had a false premise of marraige and love. If we can remove ourselves of these false ideals we could nip so many problems in the bud, the dating wouldn't be quite so frustrating, and more marraiges would be successful. I wouldn't give up on marraige if it is something you want for yourself. But instead of looking for some special "click", ask yourself with each single guy you spend time with- "Is this someone progressing in righteousness?" That is really the most important question, because such a person will stand by you in a marraige and will foster righteousness in your future children, holding your family together under Christ. If the answer seems to be "yes", then spend more time getting to know them, becoming familiar with them, and building a relationship - even if that relationship is just a friendship! Because so many approach dating with the wrong attitude, it is actually better to avoid the pressure of dating and to slowly foster a relationship of trust with those who might be good choices. And in the meantime- use your time being single to work on yourself and make sure you are progressing in righteousness. Relationships take time to grow, and as long as you are being social and involved in others lives, you are doing your part to look. The rest of preparing for a marraige is taking care of yourself, and doing what you can to make yourself whole so that you will be capable of giving the required service to another. It will take time- especially since there are so many who approach marraige and dating with the wrong mindset, and it is quite possible you won't ever have the opportunity to marry. That's okay. As long as you are living righteously, growing and sharing and progressing, you will receive the righteous desires of your heart in the Lord's time. Being content with being single, while still not giving up on the prospect of marraige, is possible when we trust Him and focus on our eternal progression instead of on finding "the one".
  6. There's nothing wrong with bringing your feelings to a board like this. It gives you a chance to write it out and come to a better understanding for why you feel the way you do. It may not be possible to reason feelings away, but it is at least possible to understand those feelings through the application of reason and logic. We can then reach conclusions on ways to work through those feelings, even if the feelings themselves remain. Things like anger and depression are irrational. I know when I start feeling angry or depressed about anything to do with my life, I become most frustrated with the fact that those feelings are so irrational because I'm a more logic based person than a feelings based person. But knowing my feelings are irrational doesn't make them go away. They eventually fade on their own as I focus on things other than my pain, but then they resurface later when I find myself struggling again. Talking with others is a great outlet, not only to help those feelings work their way through, but to realize we are not alone in the way we feel. While you may not find answers here, you can find an outlet. And in time, as you focus on productive endeavors, your irrational feelings will fade and you can look back on this moment as a period of growth. Or- you can feed those feelings and let them fester, so that you become so bitter and angry with God and the world that there is no more progress out of your irrational state. I've known people that choose to do this to themselves, and they are absolutely miserable. Nothing anyone does to try and help them works, because they've become stuck in their gloomy mindset and lost all hope for anything brighter. I don't think you're the type to do this to yourself, and I hope you don't. There is absolutely nothing wrong with feeling periods of depression or anger- as long as it remains only a period and isn't something we dwell on indefinitely.
  7. Personally, I really think this is what you need to work on. You may be 57, but you still have life to live, and there should be things you are interested in that can give your life purpose. There are ways to go out and about and find things to do that will get you socializing with others so you won't be completely alone. Feeling like you have no purpose, nothing productive to occupy your time, will cause you to feel dissatisfied with everything else about your life. The fact that you are single is just something for you to target to blame for your dissatisfaction, and part of that is because we are culturally taught that marraige will provide the fulfillment and happiness we are looking for. That just isn't the case though. Certainly marraige can add to a fulfilling life, but even married people face problems where they feel their life just hasn't gone the direction they've planned. That's why people go through mid-life crises. You will never feel satisfied with yourself and your life if you don't give yourself a purpose. If there's something more you want to learn- go back to college. If you have a special interest- join a group or club. If your work is unfulfilling- find a way to improve your workplace or make a career change. Work on your talents and the traits that make you you. Life isn't over, just because you're 57. That's perfectly understandable. And as others have suggested, since you seem to want to get back on speaking terms with Him, even though you are currently angry, perhaps you could try praying for a softened heart? Or you could ask for a priesthood blessing? I disagree, and I think our age difference isn't the only reason we don't see this the same way. I came out of an extremely destructive marraige and had a hard time coming to terms with the fact that being single is okay. It is certainly better than being married to someone abusive. If I cannot find a man that will be a positive influence on me and build me up and encourage me to strive for improvement, then I'm better off without a partner. I think there are many people who have this belief that getting married will fix their ailes, because their partner will be this "perfect fit" who complements them by being strong where they are weak and making them "complete". But it is not a spouse that makes someone complete- it is the atonement. You can be and feel complete without a spouse. And I think that the most successful marraiges are those where two complete individuals come together to enrich one another's lives, instead of two incomplete individuals expecting their partner to make them whole. I know that is what I thought when I first got married, and because of that incorrect belief I focused on doing everything I could to make my partner whole while expecting that he would help make me feel whole. But it just doesn't work that way. Even in a healthy marraige. Control over your happiness, sense of fulfillment, and satisfaction is something that comes from the inside, not the outside. Find things you can get out and do so you aren't alone all the time. Whether that's at church or elsewhere. Volunteer somewhere. Find a cause you can get involved in that will help you feel like you are accomplishing something. This makes it sound like you've been waiting to live until you find a wife. At 57, doesn't that seem like such a waste? You have no way of knowing how much more time you're going to have. You need to live now. Wife or not. I understand your desire to have someone to share your life with, but dwelling on that too much when so much of the result is out of your control will drive you crazy with longing and loathing. Take care of what you can control, let go of the rest, and live now.
  8. Sometimes, what we need in order to hold on to our hope is something to strive for. Singlehood can become rather depressing, because so much lies outside our own hands. Much is in the hands of others- our potential spouse, and the Lord. The longer you remain single, the more you see people around you that are married and the harder it is to find other singles who might make a good match for you. That hopelessness comes when you feel you are doing all you can to improve or alter your circumstances, but it just isn't enough. So you need to find a different direction- a different motivation- something different to strive for. I believe that when we are engaged in the Lord's work and doing our part, He prepares a way for us to receive the righteous desires of our hearts in His time. All those "His ways are not our ways" quotes are more about accepting His will for our lives and learning to redirect ourselves when things don't seem to be going the way we planned. We must keep ourselves open to other opportunities, constantly reevaluate our goals, and seek His guidance prayerfully to know what He would have us do. Part of "His work" is improving ourselves, and these improvements will prepare you for a spouse. That means that even if your dating pool is small, even if you're longing that marriage and loathing singlehood, anything you do to better yourself and draw nearer to the Lord will bring you closer to your goal. Remember that marriage is a three-way relationship, between you, your spouse, and the Lord. You should be doing everything you can to make the "triangle" small, by drawing closer to your spouse and to God. When the third end of the triangle is unknown, the best thing you can do is draw near to God. The fact that you are angry right now is okay. You are mourning a loss of a potential relationship and you are having to shift your focus, which is hard. Whenever our plans for ourselves don't work out, it causes frustration, which can lead to anger or depression or both. In order to transition out of that phase of anger though, you need to shift your focus and bring your goals for yourself more in line with what the Lord intends for you. Think of the serenity prayer- let go of the things you can't control and work to change the things you can. Don't let your life become static- keep moving forward. Always look for ways you can improve yourself and progress forward. I know I'm still pretty young, but I often feel the frustration of wishing I were married but still being single. Whenever I feel like I'm hitting a roadblock, I just reorient myself and see if there's anything different I could be doing to improve myself and my situation. If I'm doing everything I can, I take some deep breaths and remind myself that everything will come together as the Lord sees fit, and there's nothing wrong with being single. Yep. I said it. And I'll say it again. There's nothing wrong with being single. With all the focus on "the family" at church, it can be hard to not feel like an oddball as a single person. However, you still have a family and are part of a family. There's your parents, your siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. And then there's your "ward family". Help with Boy Scouts. Do your home teaching. Do temple work for your ancestors. Go on splits with the missionaries. Be involved in ward activities. The ward is your family. The more active and involved you are in others lives, the harder it is to feel angry or depressed. I know it can be difficult with some wards to find ways to stay busy, but be proactive and don't give up. You shouldn't put your life on hold just because you are single. Go. Do. Act. Live. Keep yourself busy, and live in a way that you can feel satisified with yourself and your accomplishments, even if marraige might never work it's way into your life. You can keep trying and trying and trying, but there is only so much you can control. Just letting go and living your life to it's fullest without putting so much pressure on yourself to find a partner can be absolutely freeing. Don't stop looking- but don't make it the end-all and be-all of your happiness. Do your part in bettering yourself and getting engaged in the Lord's work, and let the Lord guide your life so that marraige will come in His time if it be His will for your life.
  9. They offered me the job on the spot! Whew. I'm packing up and leaving again this Saturday, so one more long road trip. I'm excited, and nervous, and sad, and happy all at once. This is going to be a big, sudden transition, but it's a better job than my current one and in a better location. Thanks everyone for all the good luck wishes and prayers. Everything's just been falling into place very smoothly with this, so it must be where the Lord wants me to be.
  10. About to make a long (14 hour) drive to Kentucky for a job interview. I don't have a laptop, so I won't be on here until I get back on the 6th. Wish me luck!
  11. The barking habits vary between individual dogs- you can't really trust the breed description to know whether or not the dog is going to be a barker. For less shedding, getting a short-haired breed will have less shedding than a golden, but they still get fur everywhere. For a non-shedding breed, you want to look for one classified as "hypoallergenic". The only one that comes to the top of my mind that is medium-sized is the poodle. Another hypoallergenic dog, though this one is a small breed, is the havanese. My parents have a black-mouth cur which is a medium-sized short-haired hunting/herding breed. She is an excellent dog. Good with kids, good with the cat, good with other dogs. She prefers to play a little rough so she's better with the older kids. Only barks when she wants to come inside or while she's playing. Her bad side is her tendancy to become destructive when left home alone, but that was easily solved by kennel training her.
  12. Dravin was contemplating beefche's thought process behind her comment and said he would ask her when she got home because they're married.
  13. If she's going to join any church, she should do so for the right reasons. As to the custody battle- she should focus on what is in the best interest of the child and strive for that result.
  14. Ah, sorry. I was mixing up my definitions between "strangulation" and "suffocation". And I don't know if its the particular hold or the instructor, but my sensei demonstrated anything cutting off the trachea as the "wrong way" before he taught us any chokes. So, it's possible he just didn't approve of the ones that do cut off the trachea, or that other instructors aren't as careful about how they teach the holds. And I hope deborashaw is doing alright, too. I'm hoping the difficulties she's having aren't as bad as her post implied... It'd be nice to hear from her and get some clarification. If/when she checks this again, I just want her to know we're thinking about her and concerned about her.