My "Born Again" Transformation

[JohnOF123]

This is just my own personal explanation of the day I was "born again". Feel free to comment or share your new birth. Sorry it's a little long!

I grew up Baptist. I was taught at an early age that if you asked Jesus into your heart, and said the prayer (and believed) then you were saved. So both me and my brother grew late into our twenties believing that we could live how ever we wished and we had some golden ticket to Heaven.

Anytime I felt guilty about my lifestyle, I convinced myself that since I believed in Jesus, I was saved. But I noticed something odd. When I would flip through the radio stations, and a Christian show would come on, why would I suddenly want to change the channel immediately? Why would I hear Christians say they were exited about the second coming of Jesus, and I was fearful of it.

It wasn't until the age of about 29 that I noticed the sin in my life was getting deeper and darker. The lust was getting darker, the alcohol was turning into drugs (I'm not one to do drugs), and I even began to think wicked thoughts about God Himself (I hated thinking those thoughts). I started to get worried. I thought, "If this is how much worse I've gotten by 29, then how bad will I be at 49"? The concern was growing.

One day I was messing around with drugs and I thought I was gonna die; I was really scared. I told myself, "I think if I die right now, I might be going to Hell". That night passed... and I felt a strong urge to quickly find out if I was really saved or not.

I started looking at Christian videos on the Internet, I started reading and listening to the Bible. I was hearing things I've never heard before. Things I couldn't believe until I read it in the bible for myself. Things like:

"Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works? And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity."

(Matthew 7:22-23)

"Enter ye in at the strait gate: for wide is the gate, and broad is the way, that leadeth to destruction, and many there be which go in thereat: Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it."

(Matthew 7:13-14)

I thought, "how can this be"? I thought that many people were going to Heaven, not "few". I thought all you had to do was believe (intellectually and truly agree that Jesus is Lord and died for my sins). I started reading other passages that said it was better to gouge out my eye then to enter Hell sinning. I thought, I have to try hard, I don't want to go to Hell.

So that's what I did; I prayed to God to save me, and I tried to stop sinning. I didn't feel too much differently, and this worked for almost a couple weeks. Then I fell deep back into sin again. I fought and fought, and read and read, but I was fighting a losing battle. I couldn't stop. I pictured myself cast into Hell.

I finally gave up. I went in a dark room, fell on the ground and cried. I cried out to God, "Lord save me! I give up! I'm going to Hell and I can't stop myself. I can't do it. I've wasted 30 years, and if you don't save me, I'm going to waste the last 50 too. Please God, I give up, I can't do this." I laid all of my burden on Him, repented and gave up.

I died to myself. I fell asleep exhausted. The next morning something was very different. Have you ever woke up, stirred around for a while and then you remember "ohh yeah, so and so happened last night?" Well it wasn't like that at all. The INSTANT I opened my eyes, like a snap of the fingers, I saw the world spiritually. As soon as I woke, I suddenly now had an eternal perspective on life, and sin.

This was defiantly different. For the first time, I was alive. I was alive spiritually, I had just been born again. I don't know if it happened before I fell asleep or the instant I woke, but I was alive. For the first time, I had this new 6th sense; a moral 6th sense. A constant awareness of right and wrong. An awareness of light and darkness; Hey, I knew right from wrong before, but this was like the sensitivity was enhanced 100 fold. Let me explain it like this: It was like this WINDOW of awareness was opened between Heaven and Earth that wasn't there before. Like I constantly felt like I was being watched. Not in a paranoid way though, more like a revelation. It showed me that LIGHT [truth] had always been shining down on me [and everyone], and you either stayed in it, or hid from it, in all things you do. I don't know if I described that very well. There were other elements to this new reality, this new birth if you're interested in hearing more, but I don't want to take up ALL of the space on this website, lol, so I'll stop here.

Edited February 12, 2010 by JohnOF123

[coyotemoon722]

Did this happen recently? I'm curious because for me it did, last summer. I had practically the same situation, down to the serious alcohol, drugs, lust, etc. and one night went into a space that was EXTREMELY dark spiritually. I felt like I was entering Hell, and losing my soul at the same time. It really was a terrible, scary feeling.

I rode it out, and eventually got to sleep that night. Next day felt fine, but the episodes would happen again. I prayed a few times, but one night I really prayed as fervently and honestly as possible and promised to God that I would be a good Christian if he saved me. PLEASE SAVE ME I BEG YOU.

The next day or so, I was walking around in my lobby and there were some missionaries walking in, I just grabbed one of them and asked them for a card. I didn't know anything at all about the church, only that I needed help, and just something (The Holy Spirit) prompted me to ask them.

They came a day or two later, and one of them gave me a Priesthood Blessing. I felt for the first time in a while that I was okay, that I was in good hands. I also just felt a connection with God growing inside me. They left, and I fell to the floor and cried and felt such a profound connection with God as if he was washing away my pain with his mercy.

I started meeting with missionaries, going to church, and got baptized about a month later. I'm currently active in church, go every Sunday and even type and print out the weekly program. I love the gospel, the Priesthood Authority, and the restoration of Christ's church. I never went to church much before, but prayed every night and did believe in God and Jesus Christ. But now, everything makes so much sense to me.

However, my new found awareness like you has come at a price. I'm still not out of the woods so to speak mentally. I've made a lot of improvement, but my life was so bad before coming to Christ that my mind is in disrepair. In a way, life was much easier when I was blissfully, ignorantly going down the road to Hell. Now that I'm aware of the dark forces out there, Satan's constant mission, and the perils that can plague the mind, I have to work hard to keep those things at bay, including taking medication that I need to keep a calm mind.

I'm looking to move from where I've grown up and am now, in Washington DC, to Utah or Idaho and go to school at BYU, since I never went to college. I think this will help things dramatically being surrounded by more and more church members. It's also just part of the plan to turn my life around. Life is a daily struggle, but I know with God's grace, and the Holy Spirit as my guide, I will make it through this.

If anyone reads this, I humbly ask that you keep me in your prayers. Thanks brethren. I love you all.

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Jonathan Christopher Miller

Edited February 12, 2010 by coyotemoon722