Advice - suggestions - Help

[Volcanogrills]

My wife of about 4 years is NOT a member of the Church. A terrific person in her own right. but was VERY turned off by out previous ward and the way that they treated her (Simply because she was spanish speaking non-member) She thinks a couple of things 1. The temples are way too luxurious. (I bring up the Catholic Cathedrals where she's from, to no avail) And she believes that, as a people, we are arrogant. And, finally, that we "added" books to the bible (Not to mention the pseudepigrapha in the Douray Version of the Bible Tobit , Judith, 1 Maccabees, 2 Maccabees, Wisdom of Solomon,) Sirach (Ecclesiasticus) She will NOT read the Book of Mormon and thinks that organized religion is crap. As we have talked I believe that it is things in her past that make her feel that way.. that she has no value to God and that she can never go "home." My thoughts are that I need to keep on being a good example and exercise as much patience as I can.

Your help would be appreciated.. I post this with some trepidation because of some of the comments Ive seen to other of my posts.. None the less, I really COULD use some advice.

[Saguaro]

My thoughts are that I need to keep on being a good example and exercise as much patience as I can.

This sounds like good advice to me. The fact is you can't change the way people believe. You can provide accurate facts about the church when appropriate, but forcing your beliefs on your wife will only make matters worse. Be patient, be loving, some day maybe she will come around.

[ryanh]

You mention several 'excuses' she gives. Too luxurious, arrogance, adding books, etc. Those seem like red herrings. Were you to solve each and every one, I'd bet new 'excuses' would pop up in their place.

When you mention that she feels she has no value, no hope of salvation, that feels like its getting at the root issues. Sometimes people who have a testimony of the reality of God, but have a distorted/inaccurate view of the atonement and Plan, reject religion because it causes too much pain. If past experiences with religion told her she as "bad" or "damned" because of her mortal nature and tendencies to sin, it is easier to reject religion than to face the issue to come to a real understanding. A good portion of that is developing an esteem of our worth to God.

Were it me, I would want to know more about her views of God, the atonement, if she is valuable to God, if she feels she can be forgiven, etc, etc. Distorted or inaccurate views cannot be addressed without understanding what they are first.

"We cannot teach people anything; we can only help them discover it within themselves" - Galileo Galilei

Edited December 28, 2010 by ryanh

[rameumptom]

See if there is a Spanish branch of the Church in your area, and have them assist you by fellowshipping her, etc. If no branch, find Spanish speaking members (esp sisters) in the area to friendship her.

I am a service missionary assigned to the Spanish Branch in Indianapolis. The people are awesome to work with. With good friendships, the other issues will become smaller and insignificant. Right now they are giving her a reason to not investigate. So steer her in a different direction.

[Guest]

Help her to feel comfortable with God first. You said she's Catholic, right? That must mean that she's an inactive Catholic if she feels that way about herself.

I suggest talking to her about her Catholic faith first - talk to her about the great things the Catholic Church does. The great things the Catholic Church teaches. They are common to LDS and Catholic - that Jesus is the Christ and of the gift of His Atonement and that if through faith and long-suffering we can go back to live with God.

In your OP - you showed that you are as anti-Catholic as she is anti-LDS. That's not going to work to help her get back to Christ. You need to bury that sentiment so deep that you will never accidentally say anything bad about Catholic doctrine... ever.

I was Catholic. If my husband would have said anything bad about the Catholic Cathedral, I wouldn't be LDS now. My husband attended Catholic Mass with me. Every Sunday. In addition to going to LDS services. That's 4 hours of church for him. I only went to Mass and Sacrament meeting. You wouldn't catch me dead in Gospel Doctrine or Relief Society. Until one day I asked my husband to be baptized Catholic and he said he can't. He says he loves the Catholic church but his testimony of the restored gospel is unshakeable. So, I asked him - then you must think I'm going to hell. And my husband says, No, you're not going to hell. If anything, the LDS has the greater chance of going to hell.

That got me curious about what this restored gospel is about. My husband never pushed or asked or done anything to try to lead me to LDS church. He supported my Catholic faith at the same time that he stayed strong in his. Eventually, the truth of the gospel will shine upon everybody seeking it.