How do I explain it to her parents?

[Guest]

As for the OP...

My take on the matter is not that she deals with her parents about this and you deal with yours. I don't agree with that.

You need to face both parents as a united front. Both of you. Together.

The time that you deal with parents separately (she deals with hers, you deal with yours) is for problems that arise that are specific to that family dynamic - the family that existed before you came along. Because, the way their family deals with issues may be different from the way your family deals with issues.

For example... her mother is controlling and is always trying to undermine your authority as her husband. That's for her to deal with - because she is the one who knows her mother best and knows how to diffuse/deal with the situation. Adding your way of dealing with things will only muddy the waters and foster more resentment if the mother do not like your way of dealing.

When it comes to family dynamics that are from your new family - you will need to face the in-laws as a united front - for example, the wedding, the birth of the new child, etc.

Did that make sense?

[slamjet]

You don't know what you're missing...

Haven't seen, wouldn't know. So what [you] told [me] was true, from a certain point of view. Wham, BAM, GEEKY!

[jayanna]

I am also thinking that you face the parents together. They do need to see that you are making this decision as a couple. As scary as it will seem, you will need to explain to her parents of how much she means to you and how you desire to care for her, even in the face of severe persecution (like an angry daddy).

Lean on the Lord, let Him help you to be a great companion to her. Think and say positive things about her every day, even if you are annoyed with her, love her unconditionally like her Heavenly Father loves her. She must be scared, too. She might not be aware of how serious it is to break the law of chastity, not having been in the gospel for long (milk before meat and all that). She will need you to become a priesthood holder than she can look to preside in her home. Remember that when you are with God (on the path following Him) all things are possible. There is no sin on this earth that cannot be overcome by the atonement of the Savior.

Remember that you are still a representative of the church to her and her parents. Be loving patient caring and kind to her in the long term, winning their trust again may take time, but they love her, and if you love her too, they can't be mad at you forever.

[blackknight5k]

When I was 18 years old I was not an active member of the church, I dropped out of activity at around 14 or so. I was dating a girl who was a non-member and Southern Baptist and, to say the least, we did not follow the law of chastity. When I was about 18 and a half years old we were going through a bunch of problems and we broke up, then a week after the breakup we found out that she was pregnant. I know the exact feeling that you are having right now about telling her parents. Her mom found out because the doctor's office called and left a message on her answering machine that didn't exactly say "hey <girlfriend's name> you're pregnant" but more along the lines of "your coverage was denied for your issue and you now have a bill for 1500 dollars". Her dad we told together, and I thought I was going to be killed. My parents took it well...sort of, however my brother just came "out of the closet" a week before so I thought my dad was going to have a mental breakdown.

OP, let me tell you that despite what you are thinking about having to tell all these people that she may be pregnant (from what I gather in this thread) or that you are going to get married at 20, they will take it a lot better than the worst case scenario that's running through your head.

However, now that we have covered telling everyone of your decision, let me give my 2 cents on your decision to get married. Don't get married just because she's pregnant (if she is) and don't get married just because you two broke the law of chastity. Were you discussing marriage already? Do you love her? I mean really love her, want to spend the rest of your life together? How much do you fight? Let me tell you from my experience, fighting only increases when you move in with eachother.

If you decide to get married, go to church and read together. Talk together, hold nothing back from eachother and be completely honest. Love eachother with all your heart, there will be times when you might not agree and get upset at eachother but always love eachother.

My first marriage didn't last long, I am now on my 2nd and what I feel is final marriage. Since I've been in a similar situation, feel free to Message me and I'd love to help you out with any questions you have.