How to bounce back after messing with the Law of Chastity...

[abb8279]

Society's messages have changed and we are all of us influenced by society even when it clashes with our religious beliefs. Our children go to mainstream schools and probably spend more time there than they do with parents. When society's norms were chastity outside of marriage, as they were up until about 40 years ago, it wasn't so difficult but now everything is screaming sex and to remain chaste means putting yourself outside of societal norms. Even kids who go to church seem to be having sex more and more before marriage maybe because they are developing physically much earlier- so biological drives to reproduce are also coming earlier. Don't know what the answer is , I have known many devout people who have obeyed everything but the L of C when they fall in love. One young couple who know they were going to break the L of C got married secretly just so they wouldn't do that. Their parents had expected them to wait for several years and they know they couldn't. I guess that was one way around the dilemma when the only reason a couple aren't marrying is because their parents insist they wait.

This is exactly what bothers me. We can't tell young people they can't have sex and at the same time tell them they can't get married. As a teenager it was only possible becasue I didn't date anyone seriously. I was avoiding a relationship at that time (and its a good thing too). When you get into your twenties everybody is dating seriously and having sex and a lot are getting married. If you find yourself in love at that age we must encourage marriage or else we can't be surprised if they don't remain chaste.

The church (to its credit) encourages marriage even for young people. Its the only rational thing to do when you are telling people to not have sex outside marriage.

[jiujitsu47]

There are some great ideas here. I would add that you need to really respect his limits. Im not saying this is easy for girls, but, it is much more difficult for guys - especially since we are at our sexual peak around 20.

I have broken the LoC with my fiance. We've changed our ways and are having our wedding in a month. The church authorities were forgiving because I had been a member for under a year and she was inactive for several years.

She has a lot of trouble with keeping to the limits i have set. I can't make out with her because it is too difficult to control myself, nor can I lay down beside her. From her perspective though, it makes her feel a lack of comfort and affection because cuddling can be difficult so I tend to avoid it. Also, she likes to know that I want her, but I can't show that because things slide out of control too quickly. That said, it is important to bear in mind that he does love you and thats why hes avoiding the contact. Its really the only way that I know of to make it work after breaking the limits.

Good luck, hope this helps a bit.

[ScarletSnow]

So i'm glad I found a LDS support board... this is what i'm LOOKING for...

I would like advice from people who've BEEN where i've been, and not from those who really haven't because then all you'll say is, "break up with him..." blah blah blah. Trust me, I know it's an option, and I know that it happens, but we've had a foundation of friendship before the PHYSICAL aspect came in so... this is what i'm asking to those who have been in the situation before...

Other than the basic answers of AVOID being together alone... and GO ON GROUP DATES... and have a curfew...

What are some things that have helped YOU?

I really care about this guy... we basically just allowed Satan to tempt us, and I've talked to my bishop and he is talking to his tomorrow...

My bishop has given me counsel which I am gladly accepting, and excited for the challenge... tomorrow will be the first day of not taking sacrament which I think will be fine, BUT... maybe this is what will humble me to being stronger with my boyfriend.

We both want our relationship to work and we want to work past this, but acknowledge that because we've been so intimate (without sealing the deal...) it will be a challenge for us to go backwards and back to our foundation.

K that's my story :) Any kind of tip would be great. And if you're eve THINKING about writing, "break up and RUN AWAY... and find a man deserving of your virtue..." think again, it takes TWO to tango, and i'm just as much as fault as he is.

Thanks guys!

Sister --- I have been there in that situation and it is not easy. I suggest you have scripture study with your bf and follow every counsel of your Bishop. He might ask you to avoid seeing each other and if it comes to that, do it. It is for your own good. And someday, you will be both blessed by it. ♥ Take care.

[islelassie]

I see the only healthy way forward is to marry because if you love each other, then it isn't just about sex is it. It is about affection and closeness and comfort. If you intend to be together in marriage, then just marry now. I know you probably want to wait and marry in the Temple but you will damage yourselves and your relationship if you start trying to be something you have long stopped being.

We can't have everything in life. Some people I know knew they would break the L of C so they married secretly didn't even tell their parents and a few years along the line they got sealed in the Temple anyway.