Weekly Spouse Meeting

[OldPort]

My wife and I feel a bit disconnected right now due to our busy lives and not seeing each other much. We also have some big goals we have not been able to accomplish after 14 years of marriage.

with this in mind we have decided to start holding a "Weekly Spouse Meeting" similar to a companionship inventory for missionaries.

We plan on discussing things like goals, budget, how our kids are doing, how each other are doing etc.

Does anyone do anything like this? What has worked for you? I appreciate any input on this.

[Wingnut]

When I was a missionary, my weekly companionship inventory with my first companion consisted of four questions:

(1) How are you doing emotionally?

(2) How are you doing mentally?

(3) How are you doing physically?

(4) How are you doing spiritually?

It's probably not comprehensive enough for marriage, but I liked the structure it offered, as opposed to "sooooo...how's things?"

The one thing I would suggest for you is just to be extra-vigilant to not allow your weekly meetings to turn into nagging/venting sessions.

[Guest]

Sounds like a good idea. I would also suggest making time to play together. Getting out and doing something you both enjoy will help you feel connected, without just being all business.

[OldPort]

Wingnut, I agree about how helpful structure can be with it.

Eowyn, Having fun is very important. I think things can get tough if you don't have that escape valve.

I work in the emergency services world, and between that and callings we literally have 30 minutes together during the week, 2 hours in the morning on Saturday, and 4 hours together on Sunday evenings.

Lives have seasons, but I don't believe our current schedule is sustainable for a happy/productive family and marriage. That is partly what this meeting will serve to do is help us plan and work towards a healthier lifestyle.

[Wingnut]

I work in the emergency services world, and between that and callings we literally have 30 minutes together during the week, 2 hours in the morning on Saturday, and 4 hours together on Sunday evenings.

Lives have seasons, but I don't believe our current schedule is sustainable for a happy/productive family and marriage.

Everyone has different opinions on what I'm about to suggest, so take it with a grain of salt, and know that your mileage may vary.

If this were me (and I had the benefit of a third-party perspective), the first weekly spouse meeting would consist heavily of a discussion about said callings. My suggestion to my spouse would be that we both go visit with the bishop, tell him what I've (you've) just written above, and ask that at least one of us be released and given a less time-intensive calling.

Edited February 26, 2014 by Wingnut

[Guest]

I can see how a structured weekly meeting can be beneficial. Kinda like a family home evening. And being as busy as you guys are, it can give you an Oasis in the week.

Our family dynamic is different so something like this - and Family Home Evening even - does not work well. We go by the always-in-mind mentality. This sprung from our first few years of marriage (before kids) when I worked out of town. I would drive out on Monday morning and come home on Friday afternoon.

So, the way we've done it is that it doesn't matter where we are physically - we are still together in everything else. Both our jobs are Office work with access to computer and phone. My husband and I are always in contact with the other. Even when I was in my apartment out of town, my husband still knows what's going on with me - and vice versa. He's always in my mind and vice versa and so we talk and talk and talk a lot. Like, my workmate would say something really funny - I'm calling my husband and telling him about it - sometimes putting him right there on speakerphone with my workmate. It just became a habit. But we have the luxury of being able to communicate. I know others are not allowed to do that at work.

When the kids were born, it just started to bleed into the kids. So we don't save lessons and activities for Mondays. We stop for lessons anytime a lesson pops into our heads. And we stop for activities when the opportunity presents itself. When one of us gets too busy to spend time with the children, we quit jobs (we're lucky that we're in industries that are easier to find opportunities for) or quit callings (like my husband refused a Scouting calling until my kids started Scouts).

We are also impromptu kind of people... my husband would call an off day at work when he feels the need to spend time with the family. We also get our occasional - take the kids out of school - whenever we feel our family needs it. I stuck with contract work so I can take off whenever it is needed. I just take these things for granted that we can do that. I need to make special mention on my prayers for this blessing that we can do that and not get fired from our jobs.

Basically, the family is just an integral part of our thoughts and everybody is just intertwined with everything. I guess that's why I can't comprehend how anyone could manage to keep some information to themselves and the spouse not find out about it (another thread)... we just talk about anything and everything... we can drive from Florida to New York without running out of things to talk about - and still its not enough. We've never needed that DVD player they have in vans for the kids... we can't stop talking. We do listen to audiobooks - but that's the entire family listening to it and running constant commentary. Yeah, it gets chaotic with all the chatter. My husband and I can argue and debate with the kids making comments and interjections. We don't bother hiding that from the kids. This runs counter from what my parents taught me. I've never seen/heard my parents fight. Although, I know they do. They go into their room and fight in private. That's like - standard Catholic teaching.

But that's just the way our family has evolved and it has worked for us so far.

[Sharky]

Sounds like a good thing to do in most (if not all) marriages ... the "Family Meeting" only just "the management"!

I can see where such an approach would have saved us a lot of discourse when our kids were younger & the two of us were so busy that it felt like we never had time to just talk ... it seemed we were frequently going from crisis to crisis & have to catch each other up "after the fact".