Controlled Crying!

[Alaskagain]

That is great, Bunnzy! :) I'm so glad you are in a group and getting help with your PND. I really like that circle of security page. The whole mom-baby relationship is a circle. If you are tense and sad, your baby will feel that, and be fussier and then get indigestion and cry more. If you are relaxed and enjoying his company, your baby will feel that, and also be more at ease. (And I don't mean to imply that every fussy baby means a sad or tense mom. That's not true, either!)

At this particular time, the controlled crying endeavor just seemed to be upsetting to you both. Hurray for you for standing up to the opinions of the midwives and nurses and choosing what you consider to be the best thing for you and your baby!

[shanstress70]

Hi Bunnzy,

I too had PPD after I had my child. It lasted about 5 months. I never had thoughts of hurting my child, but I was just so incredibly sad and wanted to do nothing but sleep. Everything overwhelmed me. I cried almost every waking hour. Like someone else said, I imagined the most horrific things happening to him and those thoughts consumed me. I was afraid he would die of SIDS, and everything else out there. I was deathly afraid that someone would break into our house and snatch him while he slept. I was afriad he would die from a horrible mistake I made.

My child would never latch on and I was determined to BF, so I pumped exclusively for 6 months and bottlefed him nothing but breastmilk. This added to my stress. And bc I was BF'ing, I wouldn't take any medication for this condition. Washing bottles, pumping every 2 - 3 hours so I could keep up my supply, bottlefeeding... it's all I did.

I was very lucky (AND even more stressed out) that my husband lost his job and was home with me during this time. It it weren't for him I don't know what I would have done... I honestly think I would have been institutionalized. He did so much to help.

Then came the stress of going back to work 4 months after he was born, after thinking I would be quitting to stay home. My husband was a SAHD and I was supporting the family, all while STILL pumping.

I think it's very important that women talk about this subject bc as you can see from this forum, it's quite a common phenomenon. While I was going through this, I thought I was alone and was afraid to speak up. I don't want anyone to think that they're bad bc they're going through this. If you need to talk, PM me.

Hang in there, and it will get better. Just remember it is temporary.

I let my baby 'cry it out', but he was a rare case. I never had a crier until he was about 9 months old... he started sleeping through the night at 2 wks and didn't mind being in his crib. At 9 mos. he would cry and cry and cry when he got tired, regardless of where he was. He would literally have to cry himself to sleep. We took him to the doctor to make sure nothing was wrong and then we just decided that he could cry in our arms for a while, then needed to cry in his crib. After a week of this, he stopped and learned that his crib was a safe place.

People have very strong opinions on this topic one way or the other. I agree with everyone in that if it feels THAT wrong, don't do it... especially in your mental state. There is plenty of time to get him to sleep on his own.

Good luck to you!

[onyx]

Thank you all so much for your kind responses. It is hard work, buut i am getting there. I have stopped the 'controlled crying' as it is simply not working for me. All the midwives and nurses here in australia really push the women here to get the baby into a routine, but my baby doesnt seem to have one. When he is hungry, i feed him. When he is dirty, i change him. When he is tired i hold and rock him. When he is happy, i play with him. I let him determine what we do, and when.

I go to a PostNatal depression group and learnt about a great thing this week. Its called the circle of security. I saw it and recognised it in my relationship with my bub. I recognised it my relationship to my own parents. It has helped me to play better with my baby too. I am not going to do the controlled crying anymore.

http://www.circleofsecurity.org/docs/circl...%20-%203-05.pdf

Hey Bunnzy,

I'm in Oz too.

I know what you mean about the medico stance re: routine here down under.

You know, I followed the advice of the midwives and the tresillian crew re: controlled crying.

It just made me personally more stressed and had me at my wits end....because I had severe PND too, especially with my second child....now 4.

One of the hardest things to cope with when you have PND is a screaming child....I just felt like I was failing her.

My husband was really strict about the controlled crying too because he had attended the tresillian lectures with me.

Bedtime became the most stressful time of the whole day.

I think I cried harder than the baby....just without the same volume.

Just a thought on the portable camping cot.

If it's anything like the one I have....the mattress is not very thick.

Perhaps adding another mattress will make it more comfortable for bubs.

You can get a sponge mattress made to order at Clark Rubber.

Just take the measurements with you...or the cot if you want to make sure it fits snug.

Hey...you have lots of friends here.

Many of us, it seems, have walked the desperate road of PND too.

It's so great that you have your Mum for support.

If you need to reach out at any time....just do.

Mate...just spill ya guts ok?

We're here.

Onyx :)

p.s. It will get better....there is a light at the end of the tunnel