An Introvert’s Guide to Surviving in an Extroverted Church

[Third Hour]

Class discussions, talks, callings, meetings, ward parties, dances, and activities... combine these all together, and it can begin to look like an overwhelming nightmare to an introvert. Don't get me wrong, we introverts enjoy being around people (well, most of the time). And The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints provides many awesome opportunities to get to know and interact with the people around you. But, like many places today, it can sometimes feel like we're playing on the extroverts' home field, which can be tiring. As someone who grew up preferring books to parties and who constantly had teachers prodding me to participate, I often felt out of place. I sometimes wondered what was wrong with me. There's nothing wrong with you Susan Cain, author of Quiet, notes in her TED Talk that being an introvert doesn't necessarily mean you're shy or socially anxious. It just means you prefer less stimulation than extroverts. Personally, I like to think of it as a "social battery." And an introvert's social battery usually drains...

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[unixknight]

I don't know how I failed to notice this one when it first came up.

This article is okay, but it does miss a couple of points, maybe because the author is less introverted than some?  I don't know.  For my part, I'm a severe introvert in the sense that while I can be perfectly okay around other people and interact, my need for alone time is probably well above the average and once my introvert battery is drained I move quickly into the "Introvert  Hangover."  

An Introvert Hangover is what you experience when your social battery is drained and you feel tired, irritable and sick.  What I would impress upon anyone reading this is:  If you have an introvert in your life and you see them exhibiting these symptoms, the greatest act of love you can possibly perform for them is to hep them get out of the situation as fast as possible.  To keep an introvert among others (including you, most likely.  No offense.)  when they're into the Introvert Hangover is torturing them.  I'm not exaggerating.  It's literally like being tortured to deny us our chance to be alone and recharge.  You won't understand this if you're an extrovert, so please just trust me on this one.  The introverts in your life will appreciate it.

To the list in the article I'd add:  

6. Be careful about volunteering to accompany the Missionaries.  It's good to go with them to visit investigator's homes.  There's a reason that system is in place and I recently had the honor of joining them to visit an investigator who went on to get Baptized.  (We have really great Missionaries.  The day he got Baptized, 4 other people did too.)  The problem was that now I've been identified as a member who is willing to go do stuff, and they contact me often.  They have tended to reach out on days when I already had other things going on so I haven't been out with them again, but tonight I'm going.  We're taking that new member to the Visitor's Center and I'm already in "Social Battery Conservation Mode" so I can be pleasant and friendly the whole time.  (Though I'm really having to pace myself today, because my son and his wife are staying over tonight which means any semblance of true alone time for recharging will be lost.  I'm on a hair trigger, because I'm toast if I start getting pulled into meetings at work today.)

I'm not saying that as an introvert you shouldn't accept when invited to do these things.  I'm saying that you should be aware of your limits when you do.  These kinds of things generally happen after work when you're already running low, and it's perfectly okay to factor that in.  It might also not be a bad idea to let the Missionaries know you're an introvert.  Some of them are, too.