Confessing: A Question From A Non-member

[jrf]

I want to start this post by saying that I have no intentions of discrediting the beliefs of this Church, nor do I wish to offend anyone who is kind enough to read this. I think the "non-member" in the heading may throw a few people off. My sole purpose is to ask for the help of others in this truly difficult situation.

I have been dating a member of the LDS church for the past 8 months. I doubt I have to tell anyone here this, but his morals and respect for me as a person has been postively uplifting. His quality of character leaves me speechless at times, and it inspires me to become a better person. I come from a family that has very anti-religious views, but I have always felt out-of-place. I have always believed in a Heavenly Father but I had never been able to identify myself with a particular religion. My parents have practically disowned me for dating him - I can't even speak his name in their house. It's been extremely difficult, but between what I have learned through attending church with him, what I have read (he even bought me my own set of scriptures for Christmas because I was using his so often, haha), and prayer, I truly feel that the Church is something I want to be a part of, no matter the costs. His influence in this decision has been nothing but support and never in attempts to "try to convert", which is something I am quite grateful for.

Now, to the real problem: a number of months ago, he committed a serious sin. In respect to him and others, I won't post the details here, but in so many words, he treated me wrongly without my concious knowledge. He confessed to me, and although I was hurt by his actions, I forgave him in attempt to be more Christ-like. A month or so after, he did it again in similar circumstances. And yet again, after much prayer and tears, I forgave him because I know he would never let it happen again. I cannot express how sorry I know he is for what he did.

He told me a few days ago that he was going to confess to his bishop. To be honest, I was ELATED. I was so incredibly happy that he was doing this on his own iniative. I know that by repenting and receiving forgiveness he will finally get the relief he desperately needs.

But I asked him what the chances would be of his bishop suggesting that we break things off. After all, I am a non-member and he is hoping to leave on a mission in the summer which I entirely support. He said he didn't know, but he would do whatever he asked in order to be forgiven. Now, even though I am not (yet) a member of the Church, I completely understand the important influence of the bishop. But to suggest breaking up with me without even having met me, without knowing my strong personal values even as an outsider? I am willing to help him in any way I can, bettering each other in aspects of spirituality and morality. I just want that chance.

Does anyone know the likelihood of this happening?

[MorningStar]

Welcome to the board!

I'm not really sure what he will suggest. Even if you were a member of the church, the bishop might suggest you guys cool things off while he prepares for his mission. I know parents who just tell their kids not to date anyone exclusively until after their mission, because it can't lead to marriage yet. Maybe the bishop would like to meet you and he would encourage you to be supportive while your boyfriend is on his mission. And of course, he will probably suggest you investigate the church further. :)

If I were in your position, I think I would do anything I could to make sure he goes on his mission. If you think he's wonderful now, just wait till he gets back! My brother didn't go on his until he was 21 (two years later than most people) because he wanted to marry his girlfriend. He told me later, "I was a loser until I went on my mission." I think I said something like, "I could've told you that!" Bwah hahahaha!!!! Well, I didn't really think he was a loser, but he came back much more mature and had grown in many ways.

I am really impressed by you and your desire for your boyfriend to serve a mission. This girl I knew in high school - She dated an LDS guy and she really didn't want him to go, so she attempted to sabotage his efforts. He still went. :)

[RodAZ]

Wow! JRF, What a story! Welcome here and I have to say that I admire you for:

* Forgiving your LDS boyfriend and your committment and dedication to him, Amazing!

* Encouraging him to go to his bishop, even though it might mean losing him,

* For writing about your very personal experience and asking for advice.

You must be an incredible person!!

I think the Bishop will concentrate on helping your friend to overcome his problem, regain his spirituality and fully repent of his problems. I do not think you are PART of his problem (I assume you must be irresistible and that is HIS problem, not yours). I believe you are part of the SOLUTION to this dilemma. You are strong and are helping him do what is right. Keep up the strength, and let the Lord be in your heart also, to assure you that whatever happens is the path you and he should trod.

I would also encourage you to learn more about the Church, its doctrines and history, that will also help him and comfort you and bring you peace in a difficult situation.

Our hearts go out to you. God will truly Bless you for your efforts and desires.

[~Sarah~]

It depends on the person. Some people in the church are weird about pre mission boys having girlfriends..... It's kindof a sore spot for me because I had a boyfriend who went on a mission, and his parents ignored me..... It made it even harder. No I didn't wait for him, but my sister's "missionary" just got home, and they're probably going to get married. A girlfriend can be a distraction or a help for a missionary, it depends how both parties handle it. Sometimes people don't get that.

His Bishop could go either way. While the Bishop *IS* inspired and I would NEVER recommend ANYBODY go against what the Bishop says, you don't have to blindly follow his advice. Ultimately, it is a decision that you and your boyfriend have to make with God. What WOULD recommend is if he says you should break up, go and talk to him. My daddy is a Bishop, and when I have had problems with mine his advice has always been "go talk to him again" and it's always been worked out. The Bishop can help you understand why he says what he says, and if he thinks its OK for you to stay together he can give advice on how to make it the best for both of you.

Bottom line, I've always found that Bishops are VERY VERY VERY smart And you should do your best to work with him.

[jrf]

A sincere thanks to all of you and your insight. It means much more than I can express.

Morningstar, I have to admit - I have not always been so supportive of him leaving for two years. I never, ever tried to convince him not to go but I would cry if it was ever brought up. I later realized, however, that he is serving for something much bigger than him or I or us. And once I saw that, I could no longer be selfish enough to plead for him to stay.

RodAZ, I cannot thank you enough for your kind words. They reached me to my very core. Honestly, after all the stress between my parents and this dilemma with him, you never would have guessed that someone I've never met telling me that I am an incredible person would mean this much. It's what I needed, and I thank you for that. I completely agree with you about being part of the solution - that's what I hope for more than anything else, even if our relationship has to be put on hold. I know his teaching me has helped him become much firmer in his faith, and I believe with my whole heart that by helping him down this path of forgiveness that I might be able to find "truth" myself. Also, in reference to your suggestion, I am actually alreading signed up for a D&C class at the Institute next semester. I am so excited.

Sarah, thank you as well. I am sorry about your situation. His parents have been nothing but welcoming and loving to me, despite my parents refusing to even let him on the property. Though, I am scared that when he confesses to them that they will not be able to see me in the same light anymore, as if I had corrupted their son and led him astray (even though what he did was entirely out of my control or suggestion). I've told him that I do not want to become a distraction for him while he is away, but rather provide loving support when I know he will long for home - so it's quite ironic that you said that! I never considered meeting with the bishop myself. I didn't know that would be allowed. But I think I should either way it goes, to show the bishop that I am willing to do whatever it takes to help him through this.

[~Sarah~]

Sarah, thank you as well. I am sorry about your situation. His parents have been nothing but welcoming and loving to me, despite my parents refusing to even let him on the property. Though, I am scared that when he confesses to them that they will not be able to see me in the same light anymore, as if I had corrupted their son and led him astray (even though what he did was entirely out of my control or suggestion). I've told him that I do not want to become a distraction for him while he is away, but rather provide loving support when I know he will long for home - so it's quite ironic that you said that! I never considered meeting with the bishop myself. I didn't know that would be allowed. But I think I should either way it goes, to show the bishop that I am willing to do whatever it takes to help him through this.

Just because I know a little about how my dad works, I bet your Bishop (even tho you are not a member, he is still YOUR Bishop ) will want to meet with you. All the problems I've had with wards I've been in and the Bishopric as a whole, I have ALWAYS found the Bishop to be a VERY kind and loving man. Kindof infuriatingly so when I go in wanting to rant about some issue I have, and then I see how nice he is and I just can't

[jrf]

Just wanted to post a quick update - he talked to his bishop this past Sunday, and everything went fine. He was actually told, "You have every reason in the world to date this girl." :) His parents were very understanding as well. He even gets to leave on his mission on time! Isn't that AWESOME?

Thanks again to all of you who replied. It helped more than you know.

[~Sarah~]

Just wanted to post a quick update - he talked to his bishop this past Sunday, and everything went fine. He was actually told, "You have every reason in the world to date this girl." :) His parents were very understanding as well. He even gets to leave on his mission on time! Isn't that AWESOME?

Thanks again to all of you who replied. It helped more than you know.

YAY!!!!!!! That's so great