Dealing with Inlaws who dislike you

[Misshalfway]

I hear what you are saying. And I can handle both barrels. I am not really looking for sympathy. My original post wasn't asking for that at all. I didn't post the details or my struggles within them. Only looking for the wisdom of those who may have had similar experience and may have some advice. Advice, which you have so graciously shared.

I must sound like a victim. I sure hope I am not acting like that. I am doing everything I can to uphold my boundaries and hand back their stuff when it comes at me. I don't just sit and let them walk all over me and then whine about it. If you think that....you don't know me very well. :)

I do, though, continue to feel the rejection. And I know I am allowing that piece to happen. Perhaps I can look and see how my thinking needs to change in order to really detach. Believe me, I am trying to practice!!!! And trying to decide not to be a victim. I don't think I act like a victim.....but perhaps I feel like one. I will have to think about that.

At this point, I have learned thru lots of trying and failing, that the only way to be close to these people is to play the game. I won't play the game and so I am rejected and punished. It feels like a lose/lose. My husband agrees with me.....but still feels caught in the middle. He is a pretty passive, avoidant player, and I am the go getter. I try not to get in the way and let him handle all communications. Sometimes, I stand up for myself. That is usually when the worst happens. They won't give. We can't give. It feels like I am a hostage. But perhaps, I am making myself a hostage. I feel confusion about what to do to become free of it. It is prolly really obvious....staring me in the face. But I am so close to it, I can't see.

I had hope for so long that if I humbled myself.....or that if I told the truth about my feelings......or that if I placed my boundaries out there, that somehow that would change things for the better. It has made everything worse. So, I do nothing. Which again makes everything worse. In the end, I have a love for them. I do respect them. I don't respect what they do and how they do it. It doesn't work for me. And I think perhaps I need to give up the desire I have to be close to them. It is insanity to keep asking for something that someone doesn't have to give.

I have put distance there. Lots of it. I have quit trusting them with any information or my feelings. I worry that God will be displeased with me. I want to try and work it out where both sides are happy and can co-exist in peace and respect. Not necessarily closeness.