HomeAgain

LOL. Sounds like she's having a good time yanking our chains!

I'm glad to hear that Holly. I'm not sure what I could chat with you about on the Trinity because I never really understood the Trinity in my 3 years attending the Catholic Church. Having been a Mormon my whole life it always made more sense to me that when Jesus prayed to his Father so poignantly, he was literally praying to HIS FATHER, not just a different side of HIMSELF. The near-sacrifice of Isaac by Abraham also makes more sense if the Father and Son are two separate beings. Otherwise, maybe Abraham should have just been asked to chop off his arm and offer that as a sacrifice. I'm sorry for being so ignorant on the Trinity. My testimony of the the restored Gospel of Jesus Christ is entirely based on feeling the spiritual confirmation of truth. I used to try to explain it rationally, but I've learned that I just can't. Good luck!!!

Sundays ... Yes, Fiona, Sundays can be lonely days in a part-member home but since I left the church and have come back I've taken a broader view of life and religion. Here are some strategies that work for me: - pretend your husband is on a business trip and unable to attend church with you (hey, it's all in our minds anyway ... if it works, you can even pretend he's an area authority and away on church business. Ha!) - focus all your attention on how great it is to be in church, receiving a spiritual banquet that will sustain you for the week ahead - remember that even temple marriages have trials, so don't assume they are PERFECT - remember that our patriarchial blessings cover mortality AND eternity, so just because temple marriage hasn't happened yet, it doesn't mean it might not in the future! - pretend you are already an eternal family. heck, I'm not even sure you have to pretend. Heavenly Father wants all his children to have eternal families. So, like Elder Eyring said: If you want to increase your faith that you are a child of God, ACT like it. If you want to increase your faith that you are an eternal family, ACT LIKE YOU'RE ALREADY an eternal family. - strengthen your marriage by creating fun routines and rituals. On weekends my husband still enjoys drinking coffee while reading the newspaper, and while the kids watched their cartoons. He also likes to have a glass or two of wine occasionally on weekends while we watch videos. At first, it was a bit awkward when I went back to church and began obeying the Word of Wisdom again. BUT, now I have decided to keep the SPIRIT of our rituals alive: I ordered a fun hot cocoa maker and downloaded a bunch of non-alcoholic drink recipes. So while he has his coffee, I sip my cocoa. When he has a drink, I can also have something cool and refreshing. We can still spend the time together and relax even though I'm adhering to my standards. I'm not expecting him to conform to my ways. I just want to have fun so he sees that church isn't about limiting life, but expanding it. I think it's really important to have fun routines. We have started having family home evenings with the kids every week. It's not always a lesson out of the scriptures. Sometimes we go swimming at the Y, or bike riding. Just SPEND time having fun together. Hope these ideas are helpful!!

I resigned, too, and I came back. Everybody has to pursue their own path. But I can't help but wonder why Holly is announcing her exit to LDS.NET ... It seems like RFM (exmormon.org) would be more the platform for such an announcment. The fact that Holly seems to have a trusting relationship with faithful participants on this board does lead me to think that she might have a subconscious connection to the church beyond her discordance with the doctrine of the trinity. That's just my two cents. Good luck, Holly.

Hi Jonathon ... I am getting rebaptized on April 19th. I resigned from the church 4 years ago. I had many questions about the rationality of faith. To unite my marriage, I joined the Catholic church, but just like you described, I felt a pull back to my Mormon roots. President Monson's talk deeply touched me. I was waivering a bit in my decision to get rebaptized because of the possible turmoil it could create in my marriage. But after feeling the spirit so strongly in conference, I'm now certain I've made the right decision. The only thing I had to do was meet with the stake president, and then my bishop. They will ask you about any sins or transgressions that might require a probation period. In my case, there wasn't anything that would prevent me from being rebaptized right away. The bishop has to fill out a baptismal recommend form for you, and on it, it will say: readmission. The instructions for all of this are on page 149 of the Church Handbook. My bishop is new so he had to look it up. Good luck to you, and welcome back to the fold!

Thanks for sharing your story. I can definitely relate as my husband is not a member anymore. He joined shortly before we married, and then became disaffected several years later. I left the church because it was easier on my marriage, but have recently come back. The best advice I can give is to not worry about your husband. Just focus on being the best wife you can be, and living the gospel. Be happy in your decisions. Where we go wrong is when we try to control other's actions. We have to respect and accept their decisions. I know this is very difficult because we so want to have the blessings of temple marriage. But I know that Heavenly Father does not want us to "throw away" a good marriage because it isn't exactly what we want. There are many many members in this situation. We can seek them out for counsel. Try to let go of the past, and your expectations, and live in the moment, with an eye to the future. I know it's so hard to let go ... That doesn't mean you can't continue to hope for your husband's conversion. But try setting it aside for awhile, and see if it doesn't improve your relationship. It sounds like he is a good man.

This talk really touched me. I was inspired by his story about his ancestors and how they overcame tragedy in their journey to Salt Lake after joining the church in Sweden. I have been coming back to the church after a long absence (I've posted about that) and I have had some doubts about how my reactivity in the church would affect my marriage and family. Sometimes I get confused about what I should do because I face opposition from my husband. Pres. Monson's talk caused me to feel the spirit so strongly. He spoke of those who had taken a detour and found only a spiritual dead end. That so described what happened to me. And he spoke of rejoining the fellowship of the Saints. That is what I am going to do. I will be rebaptized on April 19th. Thank you Pres. Monson.

Hi Sazzy!

Hi ... It sounds like you have some reasons to be afraid, because you're worried about relationships that are important to you. Maybe it's still not the right time for you. But in my view, that's OK. You are essentially living the gospel already, and you can enjoy the blessings of your good decisions, too -- even without baptism! I am actually in a similar situation. I'm about to get rebaptized into the church. I left for a few years because my Mormon husband decided to become Catholic. I tried being Catholic but in my heart knew that I was a Mormon girl for life. So, I have to decide WHEN to get rebaptized, but I'm a little nervous. I haven't talked to my husband about it yet, and I'm kinda stressed. I know I don't need his permission, but I don't want to rock the boat since we're trying to resolve how to raise our children in two different faiths, and right now we're still working out the logistics of attending separate meetings, etc. So, I have decided to postpone baptism until I can feel more confident that it is the right time. It doesn't mean I'm not committed, it's just that it doesn't feel right NOW. If I were you I would really think about what you want, what you're worried about, and how you can resolve those worries. Sometimes just talking things over with our non-LDS loved ones can ease our fears. Explain your feelings and your fears and hopes. Maybe your relatives will be super understanding if you just sincerely explained your feelings. Good luck!!!

Thank you Tom. I really appreciate your beautiful prayer and scripture. Ammon is truly one of my heroes. My favorite chapter in the BOM is Alma 26. I appreciate this online support group. It's so nice to find kind compassionate people online who share the same values. I know that sometimes I get a little off kilter, and start to feel a lot of negativity. And that's when I know I need to take care of myself and ask for what I need. I needed a priesthood blessing and today I asked the EQ president for it, and he happily obliged and will be visiting this week. Sometimes we just need to figure out what would make us happy and realize that we have some measure of control over that! It's when we start feeling out of control that we get down in the dumps. Thanks again!!

Thank you Charley! It's interesting because my Dad suggested the same thing! He said I needed to have the house blessed. So I called the elder's quorum president who had visited my home last month and asked if he could come by to give me (and the house) a blessing. He was more than willing to do it, and I know it's going to mean a lot to me looking forward to that on Wednesday night. Plus, he told me that ANY worthy member of the church could bless their own home -- even women, so I'm looking forward to hearing about that. Thanks again Charley for the great suggestion.

I know I need to trust the Lord. And I do think co-dependency is a real problem for me. Thanks Tom for pointing out something I hadn't thought about for a long time. I see my husband making very selfish choices, and I start feeling resentful. It's like being married to an alcoholic. (My husband comes from two generations of alcoholism). He's not an alcoholic, but he has the characteristics: very materialistic, passive aggressive, and sneaky. On the one hand, he tries so hard not to rock the boat. The is classic of someone raised by an alcoholic. But then he is dishonest to me, and led me to believe that I was marrying someone who shared my religious convictions. So for 4 years after he left the church, I tried playing his game and it did relieve the stress. I gave up trying to live my religion and just went along with his worldly ways. But in the end, that didn't make me happy. He has spiritually divorced me, and I feel so sad for our children. I will work on myself. I know that it's impossible to change anyone else. I will trust in the Lord. I feel like so many other women on this board: on the verge of divorce or insanity. It's hard living with someone who puts his own selfish interests ahead of his family. He didn't think about me or the children when he left the church. I know all of this is just my problem. I need to deal with it. I feel locked in a sad situation sometimes. Thanks again for all your help.

Thanks for all the great suggestions (all of you) ... I especially noted that you said: praying MORNING and night. When I first regained my testimony I was praying morning and night, but lately I have slacked off a bit, to just saying my mealtime prayers with the family, and having prayer at night with the kids, and with my husband. When I first came back to the church, I also was reading the BOM in the morning & praying. Now I read it at night before bed. I think there is a difference when I take the time to start the day off right. Praying and reading the scriptures in the morning set a nice tone for the day, and I seemed to have more spiritual energy. I also would play CDs of the hymns after I took the kids to their schools. My husband has been taking the kids to school because of his work schedule this month, so I have actually missed those morning inspirational drives! I also had gotten into the habit of watching BYU-TV and some of the conference talks at night. I haven't done that lately because when we upgraded our satellite plan, it didn't include that channel! (Fortunately, I had recorded some conference talks that I still have). It's funny how small and simple things can make a difference. I can easily return to my habits. I just have to make the effort. We have been holding Family Home Evening every week (except for the week my brother-in-law was here) because I didn't know how to include him (or I wasn't prepared). One thing I need to do is order the church magazines, and the Family Home Evening manual. I always seem to wing it for FHE, and it would help to have some activities, and a lesson that I could prepare ahead of time. I know I need to get back to doing the things that bring the Spirit. And, I feel like I am being tried right now to remain faithful. It's so easy to start questioning everything when those around you don't believe, and when they're breaking the Word of Wisdom, and having a good time, it's just hard to not feel like the outsider. Anyway, thanks again for the help. I am going to ask my bishop for a blessing tomorrow. All the best, Nicole

I've been a little down lately. I have been reading the BOM religiously every day, but I just don't feel the spirit as strongly as I did a few months ago. I think I had so much enthusiasm coming back to church after 4 years that I was on an extreme high. After awhile, the reality sets in that rejoining the church doesn't solve ALL my problems. I still have a husband who is a bit hostile to my religion, the religion we shared for the first 6 years of our marriage. My choice to return to church has not exactly been the best thing for our marriage. His family recently visited and the way my husband acts around his brother is completely juvenile. They drink, cuss, and watch crude movies like they were teenagers. I still can't shake the non-spiritual feeling that permeates our home from my brother-in-law's visit. I feel like I'm really fighting an uphill battle to keep the spirit in my life, and in our home. I worry about the mixed messages the children get. I'm looking forward to General Conference and hearing the talks. I know that I have to keep myself spiritually strong, and not worry about my husband. But this is the problem: the more I try to live my religion, it seems to alienate me from him. He is a good man, but he's so focused on worldly things, even though he claims to be a good Catholic. I guess I have to live with that, because I've tried it the other way. I tried to become worldly to save our marriage. It lasted four years before I realized that I just wanted to be a Mormon, no matter what anyone thought of that. Anyway, sorry for rambling ... any advice????

Congratulations Rico. I'm happy for you and your family. You've made a great choice, and I wish you all the best in your new walk with Christ. You probably already were walking with Christ -- because you were open to accepting the Gospel, and now you've just made it official. Take care!!!

Thanks Willow. Some of us are either 100% IN or 100% OUT. I guess we can be grateful that we're back on the good side. Hee hee. I look back on the time I was away from the church, and it feels like a dream. I've compared it to Dorothy returning from Oz, so that's why my moniker is HomeAgain. I never thought I could just "click my heels" and come back. It really wasn't hard, but for so many years, I had barriers in my way: disbelief, bitterness, and a false need for unity at all costs. I can accept my husband's choice either way. But I will always keep trying to have a positive influence, and I have a feeling that it will rub off. It was my parents' influence (along with their unfailing love and support) that brought me back to the church. Thanks for the warm welcome everybody.

I've been participating on the board a few weeks, and introduced myself briefly on Skalenfehl's introductory thread. So, to comply better with the purpose of the introductory board, here's my story again, and I look forward to getting to know more of the great folks here. It seems like there are several others such as Tree who, like me, are returning to activity. I've been back in the Church for about two months after leaving for 4 1/2 years. I was raised LDS (in Utah and California) and served a mission in Korea, married in the Temple, then had my world rocked when my husband left the Church in 2003 to become Catholic, after he had been Mormon for 7 years. It affected my testimony. I started reading all the books he read that convinced him the church wasn't true, and I decided to walk away from my faith, and all religion. I just couldn't deal with it. After going through a pretty dark and worldly period of questioning everything I'd ever been taught, including the existence of God, I ultimately refound my faith in God, and I decided to try to become Catholic, to unite our family. But it didn't feel right to me. I kept wanting to get up and correct the priest!!! Ha! My friend invited me to a Mormon activity last fall, and my Dad encouraged me to start reading the scriptures again, and I guess the Lord was working on me. I recently have had some wonderful experiences reading the Book of Mormon and listening to or reading the words of our modern-day prophet and apostles. I've had an incredible renaissance of my faith. My husband seems happy in the Catholic faith, and it seems a good fit for him. We have 3 kids under the age of 6. They attend church with me, and we still sometimes go to Mass with my husband. He doesn't seem to force the issue, thankfully. Because I had my name removed from the church records and joined another faith, I actually have to get re-baptized, probably next month. My father will baptize me, but I'd love it if my husband had a change of heart, and stepped up to do it!!!! A girl can dream, right???????? Anyway, thanks to the organizers of this site. I'm looking forward to participating. Anyone who is ever questioning the faith, I would suggest focusing on how the gospel makes you a better person. If you do that, you'll always have a strong testimony, and you'll keep the spirit of Christ with you.

Well, I think Ray A has hit some really good points about Joseph Smith not dwelling on the physical reality of what he wrote. Hemidakota, I don't necessarily disagree with you, I'm just saying that all this "historical" information is out there, and I know first hand that if we don't have a way to deal with these very rational factual contradictions, we can quickly lose our testimonies. That's what happened to me. But, hey, I'm back. I'm back because I love the church. I think Joseph Smith was a genius, and that he was inspired by God. I love reading the BOM. And my faith doesn't hinge on whether the indisputable evidence ever emerges to link the Maya to the Nephites. I went down that "intellectual" road once before, and I didn't like where it led. Testimonies have to be based on spiritual evidence, and I have that in abundance. That being said, we need to recognize the boatload of intellectual theories that would SEEM to contradict what we know by the spirit. We all, as Latter-day Saints, need to recognize that our children, our friends and our spouses can be influenced by these theories. And calling them all "anti-Mormon" doesn't necessarily prepare you to withstand what they're saying. Some of these scholars are definitely not ANTI-MORMON. I read the entire Coe interview, and he has a great deal of respect for Mormons, and Joseph Smith. But the facts objectively don't support the Book of Mormon archaelogy. How do we deal with that? That's all I'm saying. And I think it's very rational to say: I don't know all the facts about ancient America and the Mayans, etc., but I know the Book of Mormon contains the inspired words of a loving Heavenly Father. I don't read the Book of Mormon to learn history. I read it to learn how God works in people's lives. What do you think?

So, we don't have to take the BOM literally to gain from it. I really don't know if it's completely accurate, but it is a powerful book, on par with the Bible, which I also don't know is entirely accurate, at least from a historical standpoint. When I was out of the church, I did some research on the Bible, and there are scholars who feel that the whole story of Moses and the captivity of the Jews by the pharoah was made up. That the Moses story was fictional. So, how do we as Latter-day Saints approach the idea that some of our holy scriptures may not be historical? I still think they are spiritual guides, but is our faith less if we don't see it as literal history?

Thank you Granny Sue. These sound great. I loved Elder Maxwell, and I'll check out the other book you suggested as well. Have a great day!

Hi DS ... Even though you claim to be agnostic, you should be giving talks in sacrament meeting! :) You've hit the nail on the head saying people should pay to be more faithful. I believe this is exactly the point of tithing. The Lord (and the Church) doesn't need our tithing. (He could have instructed Pres. Hinckley to have bought a million shares of Google at $85 if he needed the money.) And, like you, I don't think he withholds blessings if we don't pay tithing. But we pay tithing to improve ourselves. It shows faith, discipline, and it allows us to participate in blessing others' lives. I always find that I have more money when I pay my tithing because I'm living more consciously. My paycheck is consecrated for divine purposes, so I'm more careful not to blow it! The blessings come through our faithfulness, and in many ways are self-fulfilling. Reminds me of a funny joke my Dad used to say: "They say that Mormons live longer because they don't drink or smoke or engage in premarital sex. But it just seems longer." Ha! The same could be said of tithing: People say they are blessed when they pay their tithing, but maybe it just feels that way because they've sacrificed something for a higher purpose. That is a blessing in and of itself. Take care! Nicole

Tithing keeps us humble. And so does poverty. Ha! But if we withhold from the Lord, we're really showing a lack of trust in him. I've had my ups and downs with tithing. But I know that it's a true principle designed to bless our lives. My husband and I were recently discussing how much tithing to give to our "churches" since we are pretty maxed out with car payments, student loans, and three small mouths to feed. Rather than make cuts in discretionary spending (he eats out a lot), he said we could cut back on tithing to his church if it would help us make ends meet. I shot back: "Well, you may prefer to pay your tithing to Burger King, but I don't." I felt bad for saying that, but it's the truth. We always think of skimping on what we pay the Lord, but rarely on what we can cut back in our own lives. Almost anybody can reduce their spending by 10% just by being more careful, shopping in bulk, cutting out waste. Paying tithing forces me to live more consciously. I know that I don't have any money to waste, so I'm a lot more thoughtful about every expenditure.

I can feel for you Danielle ... I'm going through a similar situation. My husband left the church five years ago. He feels uncomfortable around Mormons to this day. But I think the best thing to remember in tough times is that we can only control ourselves. We can have a positive influence on others, but they have their free agency. I think the best example I could give is my parents. They have always been faithful in the LDS church, even though their children have wavered. I left the church five years ago, shortly after my husband, and I know it must have hurt my parents deeply. But they didn't let it interfere with our relationship. They kept loving me, and living their religion at the same time. This fall they came out to watch our children become baptized in another religion (my husband's). My parents didn't judge, they just served us and loved us. Then suddenly in January I got this tremendous feeling that I needed to go back to the LDS church, and I started reading my Book of Mormon again. I have returned to the church, and my parents are overjoyed. They never pushed me or argued with me. They just loved me and prayed for me. The spiritual feelings and insights you have are real, and they bring you joy. Cherish them. And recognize that maybe your husband isn't ready yet. But that doesn't mean he won't be ready someday -- if you show a good example. My dad says: Just live your religion, be loving and kind, and eventually the spirit will rub off on those around you. We can't convert others, but the spirit will. Best of luck to you!!! Nicole

Dear Owsar ... My heart aches for you. I went through the same heart break when my husband left the church in 2003. I know how devastating it is. It's like you're losing everything you ever hoped for. Please know that the Lord will help you through it if you let him. Though it may not seem like it, this is an opportunity to strengthen your faith and your marriage. Because we can't see the future, we have to maintain our faith. You don't know if your husband will return someday to the church, but you can control your beliefs, desires, and behaviors. I say this because I made the wrong choice ... I was in such emotional distress that I walked away from my testimony and the church. I let what my husband believed unduly influence me. I read Grant Palmer's book and a whole bunch of books like it. I lost faith in all religion, and even in God. But the good news is I've regained my testimony. It feels like I've awakened from a dream after 5 years. Focus on your children, and being the best mom you can be. The Gospel helps us be better parents and spouses. Now that I'm back in the Church, I have so much more patience. But the Gospel blessings aren't just for this lifetime. I recently learned that because I left the church and had my name removed, that my two younger children are not sealed to me. The oldest, because she was born in the covenant is sealed. So, by my own actions, I caused a fracture in the family that I can not repair by myself. If you are true to your temple covenants, your children will remain sealed to you. They will enjoy the temporal and eternal blessings of the gospel. I still have hope that my husband will return to the church. I do believe that he will. But we have to maintain our trust in Heavenly Father -- even in our grieving. God Bless you! Nicole

Hi ... I've recently come back after being inactive for five years, and I just finished reading Elder Eyring's To Draw Closer to God and Neal A. Maxwell's Not My Will But Thine. I had both of these in my home library. Both were excellent. I thought I'd launch my new foray into the church by actually purchasing a new book. Does anyone have any suggestions? I love to read about the atonement, especially. Thanks! Nicole