lindamt

Thanks for all the replies. We are not pushy at all but have raised our kids to attend activities because people go to the effort to plan them, to attend seminary because that is the council we are given from the prophet and to keep the commandments because it shows that we love Heavenly Father. If that makes us 'pushy' I'm at a loss. We have raised our kids to live the gospel. Yes they seem to be rebelling, but I don't think that means we have been wrong. We have been weak in areas like daily scripture reading. (up and down like many families) same with FHE. We have a rule, we go together as a family to church and that is what has kept our 21 yr old there long enough to have a change of heart. Perhaps she would have had this anyway, I don't know. I don't understand why we are struggling so with our kids, but I do know that we are not over the top, and all I wanted was some advice about how to help him settle down. Thanks again.

Thanks Suzie. This morning I read heaps on anger and Roaccutane. We were well aware of side effects and I have been monitoring him. I definitely think it is exacerbating our problems with him. We have a scheduled Dermatologist appointment tomorrow and I am telling him to take him off it. I don't know if it will help, but I'm not prepared to take the chance that it is making him worse. Thanks again.

I was you, 35 years back. I joined the church when I was 14 and was the only member in my family. I would go to church on Sunday and feel absolutely horrible. I'd sit with my friends family and feel very sad that my family wasn't there. Sometimes I'd say to myself "I'm not going back next week." Next week would role around and I'd be back there. I left home when I was 17 and lived with a member family because I thought they were better than mine..Stupid I know. When I was 21 I went on a mission. While I was gone my 17 year old brother said he was thinking about becoming a priest. I thought, "Where are the blessings from serving a mission??" I came home, he was taught the discussions and joined the church. 12 mths later, he goes on a mission and is called to the same mission I was in. Twenty years after my baptism, after the blessing of my 4th child, my mum says she wants to be baptised! She comes to church with us every week. My brother has married in the church and ha three boys. My only sister would have joined the church at the same time as my mum if it wasn't for her husband. Don't give up. One day you will a have a family of your own and through your example, you will influence your parents, maybe not to join the church, but none the less your righteous example will bless them.

Thank you so much for all your replies. I am touched by them. My struggle must seem insignificant next to some. He told one of our girls, the one he gets on with more, who is not strong in the gospel, that when we asked what could be changed he was at a loss what to say, so said church. She reminded him that he has a testimony and he said he didn't. We try to listen but as with all our kids, they rebel against us and how we raised them, but the church becomes the casualty. he doesn't get along with one of his seminary teachers because she has said some very judgemental things about him, so yesterday I said he could do home study for all her classes. He said he's do home study for all, I said no, it was a compromise. He had 41/2 hrs on the game yesterday and my husband things we have to ban all games as it wastes their lives and changes their behaviour. Our youngest is a gameaholic too, and can spend hrs upon hrs on it. We do restrict it during the week but then they OD on Friday and Saturday. He finishes school in 10 weeks and then it exams. He wants to go to Uni and wants to go to BYU. I'm a HS teacher and I'm sure he is not clinically ODD, but he is emotionally immature and has anger issues. After my blow up last night, I am sure he is up early, waiting for a decent hour to take off again so he won't go to church. Our eldest went through exactly the same, broke some commandments, was told church or leave, ran away for 4 days, came back and had a few years of struggle, and has come around. He is different though and all of our children say he is angry, ungrateful and disrespectful. He wants his drivers' Lic but can't be bothered to do the necessary driving, would rather make up hrs, he wants University but can't focus enough on school to study. He works mostly to get game time. On the upside he is a happy boy when everything is going smoothly and there is no pressure on him and we are not restricting his computer time. He does his priesthood responsibilities without any trouble and participates positively in class. He CAN be very loving. He quit his job cause he said he didn't like it (3hrs a week). Quit his basketball team because it isn't fun anymore because he's the weakest player (Church team). He is on Roaccutan for acne and I'm wondering if that is somehow affecting his mood. Hard to tell as we have see this behaviour before, just not so bad. Thanks for listening everyone. Any insight is gratefully accepted.

I am at a loss...We have four kids and after some difficult years with our 21 & 20 year old girls, who have since settled down, we are having wars with our son. When he was 15 he said he didn't want to go to Church and when we said he had to whilst he was under out roof, he ran away to a friends for 4 days. After that we sent him to EFY at BYU and he was a changed boy. All his doubts were gone and he was great. He stayed in the States for 6 mths and lived with my brother and his family and went to school. (We are in Australia) He has been home for 18mths and is in his final year of High School. We have to push him a lot with school: he's a bright boy but lazy as can be and he is not going to do well enough to get into university. He doesn't go out much and is addicted to games on the computer, mostly one called Runescape. This causes 95% of all our problems with his as he wastes his life. We have Safe Eyes on the Comps because he has had a problem in the past with inappropriate conversations with girls and a little pornography. We also get to control his weekly games and tend to only let him on slightly during the week and then on Friday night and Saturdays. Last weeek we had an arguement with him about his exam results from a very important exam period and he flew off the handle and called his dad something really bad and went to his friends for the whole weekend. Wouldn't come home or answer his phone. His sisters picked him up Sunday afternoon and he came in said a quick sorry and went to his room. All week he has been absolutely unbearable - wouldn't get up for seminary, wouldn't talk to us etc etc. We were very patient and nice, giving him space to get out of the corner he painted himself into. He truanted school one day and just stayed home and went out to a school performance one night after i said, no. Then last night he wants to get on the games and I said no, we aren't his enemy and we have to talk so he says, ok he'll talk. He says he hates all our rules, hates not being trusted, hates being controlled. His dad says what can we do to change it and he says, right on cue, "Don't want to go to seminary and church." I said it was rubbish cause this week hasn't been about the church. He said we don't listen. Now he's been going down hill abit lately and usually when this happens it's sin...not big stuff but "boy stuff" Enough to take the spirit out of his life and have him look to blame the church for lack of freedom. He doesn't go out much and would rather play Runescape. He used to enjoy church dances and firesides as he is a social kid, but the last 6 mths he doesnt like going as he had a bit of a falling out with a girl he liked and now doesn't look forward to doing things. 2 mths ago he had his Pat. Blessing and cried. What on earth can we do? As I said, we have had similar stuff with our girls. The eldest has almost come full circle and the other one, although saying she doesn't have a testimony comes to church as they know it is house rules. He studied some today so I let his have time on his game tonight but once he got off he got nasty again. When his dad told him to turn a rude TV show off, he got rude so more. He went to a different tv and I lost it abit with him. His dad tells him to get off the TV and he calls him the same as he did last week and i just lost it completely. He has taken our kindness for weakness and thinks he can do as he likes. I was furious with him. We are not bad parents and have done our always what we thought was best. I admit, a bit controlling but not too much. Filters on comps are there to protect him. Our 14 year old has no probs with that and is happy to have it there. We push him because his education is important but I'm out of that one now...if he fails, he fails. What can we do? I'm sure i have oppositional children...He is 18 in December. Any help is very appreciated. Why is this happening again? Thanks for reading. Sorry it is so long.